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Re: TW: Having negative thoughts

I’m here to listen @Bananatime04.
Just pour out what your feeling to me.

Sorry if that sounds weird, but I can’t describe how to put that into a better sentence...
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Re: TW: Having negative thoughts

I’m worried I’ll break the guidelines if I say what’s been on my mind all day. It’s nothing to do with suicide or self harm but it’s distressing. If I break the guidelines again who knows what could happen Smiley Sad
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Re: TW: Having negative thoughts

@Maddy-RO before you leave, please can you check my email
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Re: TW: Having negative thoughts

@xXLexi_Lou122Xx Since the day I started questioning why we are here and what is beyond this so called ‘life’, life has just gotten so less enjoyable by the day. I hate my appearance, personality, school, I’m not good at anything, my grades aren’t amazing and the only things that make me happy are impossible without ruining other parts of my life or others. Life for me has gotten so painful and each day that I just hold on, is so painful. Every single day of my life feels like an endless cycle of pain and miserably loneliness. I have absolutely no friends and I’m so tired of just living a life struggling on my own. Whenever I mean a new person I just feel so sorry that I bothered them with my existence and I feel so so guilty that they had to put up with me. I feel like I’m never enough for anyone and that life would be so much better for a lot of people if I wasn’t around. But I can’t end it, I can’t put that sort of pain on my mum. She would be so broken if she lost me. Crying has become part of my schedule for night time and it never gets easier or less painful. Crying is like my way of speaking when I have no words to explain my pain. But no ones here to listen. I just cry on my own every night.
I don’t wish to put my pain on anyone or for anyone to experience what I go through on a daily basis. And for that reason, I am safe
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Re: TW: Having negative thoughts

Hi @Bananatime04 , 

 

I've just been catching up a bit on what's been happening for you - I'm really sorry to hear that it's been such a tough time. First - thank you for confirming your safety Heart 

 

Reading this: Life for me has gotten so painful and each day that I just hold on, is so painful. Every single day of my life feels like an endless cycle of pain and miserably loneliness. I have absolutely no friends and I’m so tired of just living a life struggling on my own. Whenever I mean a new person I just feel so sorry that I bothered them with my existence and I feel so so guilty that they had to put up with me. I feel like I’m never enough for anyone and that life would be so much better for a lot of people if I wasn’t around. But I can’t end it, I can’t put that sort of pain on my mum really made my heart go out to you. 

 

I hear you say that you feel like you are worthless, and I wanted to say how many strengths I see in every post you make - you are so articulate, intelligent, and give so much advice and support to so many other people on the forums, even when you're having  a tough time yourself. 

 

When we're feeling depressed, it's so easy to lose sight of what is wonderful and unique about ourselves - I'm so sorry to hear that you're experiencing so much pain, and I wanted to let you know that you are so valued by this community. We are here to support you, and I have faith that your resilience, strength and intelligence will help you through these tough times. And even though you may feel like you aren't worthy, I can tell you from my perspective that absolutely isn't true.

 

You ARE worthy, you make so many people's lives better from the support and friendship you provide here on the forums, and I think you have more strength than you realise - we believe in you. 

 

Can you do something today that's just for you - maybe spend some time with your gorgeous dog, or go for a walk? 

 

 

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Check out our community activities calendar here
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Re: TW: Having negative thoughts

Thank you so much @Janine-RO Heart reading your post really warmed my heart! Thank you for seeing all these things in me, I do not see them but it helps to know someone else does.

I really feel like I make the forums a bad place. I’ve broken the guidelines so many times and probably triggered or upset so many people and possibly I could be the reason all those people make accounts, never post and just log back out. Because they see what I’ve said and it wasn’t helpful. I’m sorry I’m just really blaming myself for a lot of things Smiley Sad

I wish I could do something like going for a walk but I’ve been throwing in the night and feel really sick Rn. I’m sorry

Thank you again for reassuring me things that I cannot see atm Smiley Happy

How have you been going?
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Re: TW: Having negative thoughts

Hey @Bananatime04, while you feel that you make the forums a bad place, I feel that you make the forums a good place to me. This post here about you celebrating one year at ReachOut is proof of that! I remember getting happy teary-eyed from that beautiful post that you made Smiley Happy

 

How are you going today yourself?

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Hope is just around the corner; you think it's not there when you first look straight ahead, but it actually is when you turn around
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Re: TW: Having negative thoughts

Naww @Esperanza67 🥺❤️❤️ Thank you 😭
That is so heartwarming!!!! I meant every word I said and I’m so so happy that you felt that way (although I’m sorry for making you tear up).

Today I am a little sad and still feeling a bit sick from last night. I might have a nice hot bath later. Baths usually make me feel better. I want to get into a new Netflix series.. do you have any suggestions? I just finished watching ‘the circle’ that was so addicting! But then after that I watched the healing powers of dude! HIGHLY RECOMMEND! This is a spoiler alert so don’t read the next paragraph if you want to read it but you can if you want an idea of what it’s about:
A little boy has social anxiety and starts school again after being home schooled and after multiple attempts of trying to get into school he gets an emotional support dog and it’s so cute!

It’s just a small series and is so relatable! Eddie is like my emotional support dog! I take him everywhere and he makes me feel safe.

Anyway what are you up to today?
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Re: TW: Having negative thoughts

No worries @Bananatime04! I've been busy lately with uni and work and so I haven't been on Netflix as much as I would like. As for a series to get into on Netflix, the Avatar: The Last Airbender is really good! It's an old show that started when I was little, but it's still a good show to relate to when you're older. Anyway, it's so good!!! When I feel bored I just watch re-runs of it Smiley Tongue
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Hope is just around the corner; you think it's not there when you first look straight ahead, but it actually is when you turn around
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Re: TW: Having negative thoughts

Ooo thank you!!! I might start watching that later today if nothing else pops up and catches my attention Smiley Tongue
What are you studying in uni? Smiley Happy