TW: Holidays = loneliness

[rainbowpotato]

Hello. I am currently on school holidays and haven’t left my house in 2 days i really just feel like actual trash. I spend my whole day in my bedroom hiding from my family and friends because i just feel like i cant face them at all, they try to understand me and care for me but im scared they will never be able to understand what is happening with me and feel guilty for making me spend time with the guy who sexually assaulted me when i was a kid. (I was 8 and he was 13) i dont want them to feel like it was theirs fault and ruin there realasionship with the guys family im scared they wont believe me or he’ll deny it and i will get punished. I live my family and his family im very close with too. I just feel sooo depressed. It takes me hours to get out of bed, to eat to breathe feels like too much effort. 

Sorry this was rambly and probably not spelt correctly. 

[Jess1-RO]

Hi @rainbowpotato,

Thank you so much for reaching out to us. Holidays can be a really challenging time with lots of down time and less structure. It sounds like the school holidays have been challenging for you so far  What do you find the most challenging part of the school holidays? 

We had a recent live chat about getting through the holidays that you might find really helpful here 

You mentioned feeling like your family doesn't understand what you are going through and that you are wanting to preserve the friendship between the two families, is that right? Just to clarify, have you spoken to your family or anyone else about the sexual assault before?

It takes so much courage and strength to share your story and I want to thank you for trusting us  Your safety is our number one priority and we are here for you if you need to talk  Over the holidays, 1800RESPECT are also available, and they are helpline that support survivors of sexual assault if you want to speak to someone immediately 

[missep]

hi @rainbowpotato
thank you for being brave and sharing, I'm really sorry to hear that you've been going through this. @Jess1-RO mentioned 1800RESPECT which is a great resource, do you think this might be helpful for you?
The holiday season can be an isolating or difficult time, and I just wanted to say that we are here for you and care about you.
Have you spoken to anyone/spoken to a professional about what happened to you?
Please keep us updated

[rainbowpotato]

No. Ive never told ANYONE. i dont  think I can... i have this idea in my head that i am lying/ want attention. But im not im not lying. 

Yes. I want to keep the relationship between our families good. My mum and his mum are really close and have been for a long time. And his younger brother and i are close and have been my whole life, i cant lose him... he is my best friend and my best supporter in life. 

[Lan-RO]

Hi @rainbowpotato I'm sorry to hear of what has happened to you, no one should have to go through that. I can appreciate it's a very personal and sensitive topic to talk about, thank you for confiding in us it takes a lot of courage We believe you 100% and if you ever find that you need support the suggestion of contacting 1800 RESPECT would be a good option. I can hear that keeping the relationship between your families is important to you. We just want to make sure that you are okay? We're here to listen and support you 

[missep]

I believe you @rainbowpotato , I know you're not lying and what you are feeling is completely valid.
It sounds like a lot is on your shoulders, I'm really sorry to hear you've been going through all of this
How have you been feeling recently?

[rainbowpotato]

hi people its been a while but i thought id just update y'all about this.... 

tomorrow i am making an official report to police about my assault. i went to headspace and have gotten help from a woman there who has really given me hope and courage to stand up and speak up about this. my close friends and my father now know about what happened to me. i just wanna say thanks for all the messages of support in this thread yall are amazing and have helped me pull through and encourage me to get help. thankyou so so so much xoxoxoxo

[Jess1-RO]

Hi @rainbowpotato,

Thank you for reaching out to update us, it means a lot to us to hear from you again What huge steps forward you have taken since we last spoke- you are so incredibly brave!

If you want to chat at any time, we are here for you We will be thinking of you today