TW: How to deal with friends leaving me, and all the stress of assignments, family, and bullying

[Tiny_leaf]

@xXLexi_Lou122Xx yep, I've always felt different.

I had no real way of describing it though, until I was diagnosed with ASD a year or two ago.

Everyone else found many ways to describe my different-ness though. Some of my 'favorites' included:

"You're like a robot/ computer/ alien/ other non-human creature!"

"You speak so formally it's like you're speaking Latin haha!" 

"You're like a computer but you don't have an off button!" (particularly charming, this one)

"You're not even human ah hahaha!"

But yeah, it turns out that by autistic standards I'm surprisingly normal. Like I was fully expecting not to fit into that group because I'd never really fit into a group before, so the whole thing sorta came as a shock.

Just remember that a diagnosis is.. more like a tool to understand yourself and get what you need. If you do, or don't end up being diagnosed, it won't change who you actually are.

Honestly, there's not much to loose in getting a diagnosis, if you can find a half-decent psychologist I'd suggest at least humoring the idea.

[xXLexi_Lou122Xx]

It’s getting awfully late, so I’m going to head to bed now...

I’ll reply tomorrow morning @Tiny_leaf.

[Tiny_leaf]

Goodnight @xXLexi_Lou122Xx, I hope you sleep well.

[xXLexi_Lou122Xx]

Wow...
those aren’t very kind words, are they @Tiny_leaf... I’m sorry you had to have them thrown at you.

I don’t know about where you live, but in QLD, there are a lot of decent psychologists around. My youngest brother has ASD, but he’s only 6. He’s understanding what the diagnosis is, as mum had explained it to him in a way that made him think it’s okay to be different.

But I feel weird about it, and I know that I’m okay. I don’t need a diagnosis or support at all. If I could just have a person who I could talk to, like every 2 months, then I would be fine.

I guess you’re right though... I won’t change as a human being, but I just can’t process the fact that I might be more different than I want to be.

At least, this is a reason that I don’t want to move schools. I don’t want to lose my friends all over again, and I don’t want to have to build up more relationships that will let me down again...

Maybe it’s the fact that I don’t want to move schools, and the diagnosis combined, making things harder than they need to be... I don’t know anymore. But I’ll figure it out some day before I move schools...

[Taylor-RO]

Hi @xXLexi_Lou122Xx, this is some really great discussion here. It might be helpful to think of what purpose a diagnosis would serve for you. Sometimes diagnoses can be unhelpful for specific people because it may make them feel labelled or categorised. For others, they provide a name to feelings, thoughts or behaviours they have been experiencing. It may make them feel less alone and provide more information on what support would be most beneficial for them. This may be relevant to you or it may sound like a bit of nonsense. Either way, this type of conversation is best had with your parents and health professional who can give advice based on your circumstances. It is not something you have to rush in to if you are feeling unsure - the choice is yours. Have you spoken to your parents about it at all?

You also mentioned wanting to talk to someone every couple of months. Is this something you would be able to do right now? Also, is this referring to a psychologist/counsellor or do you have someone else in mind?

[Tiny_leaf]

@xXLexi_Lou122Xx that sounds really difficult..

Also sorry for how long replying took, my brain's not processing words all that well...

Aha.. yeah no, decent psychologists are a bit hard to come by where I am unfortunately....

I'm glad that isn't such a problem for you though!

Firstly I'll just mention that's it's possible to be autistic and not have a mental illness. I mean.. obviously that's not the case for me personally, but there are autistics out there who just need accommodations rather than full-on therapy.

Basically what I'm saying is it's possible to be both autistic and be doing okay.

You mentioned being more different than you want to be.

What level of difference would you want?

[xXLexi_Lou122Xx]

Hey @Taylor-RO.

I think it's more the first one, how it makes me feel labelled. And a heck of a lot different.

Yeah, I have been talking with my parents. They are giving me the option of getting the diagnosis, but they think I should get it.

I don't really know...
More like my guidance officer, but because she never has time for me, I could basically just check-in with her every month or so.
I don't really think I can do this currently, because I might be moving schools.
I don't know if it would be a psychologist or someone. Just someone who knows how to listen and help me through the problem I may be facing.

So uh... yeah.

[xXLexi_Lou122Xx]

Hey @Tiny_leaf.
That's okay, as you've probably noticed that I haven't been on for a while too.

Yeah, it's pretty good in qld.

Honestly, I would prefer to have mild anxiety that gets worse when the monthly time came around.

And by different, I meant that I would feel very different. I may not be very different. But I will think and feel like I'm way more different than I really am.

Today has been hard. I had 3 mental breakdowns. One in 3 different classes.
I was just so very overloaded, with these very big assignments at once.
But I'll explain more tomorrow.

[JanaG]

Hey @xXLexi_Lou122Xx 

Sorry to hear it was a pretty rough day for you I hope today goes more smoothly for you.

I think it's understandable that a label might make you feel really different. I just wanted to point out that if you do want to go see a counsellor/psychologist, you can specify that you would or would not like a diagnosis, and they can be there to help regardless.

If you are thinking about moving schools, I'm wondering if seeing someone outside of school would be an option for you?

[xXLexi_Lou122Xx]

Hey @JanaG

That’s a fair point, but in my case, my parents want me to get one...

Yeah... I guess so...
But I don’t exactly want to see one. Even if it’s just a chaplain, like the one at my current school. One that just listened, and let me cry. But I guess it doesn’t really matter now anyway.

If I do move schools, I’ll end up alone, and then I’ll become a lonely nerd. Well, that’s not true. But I still don’t want to go, and I refuse entirely.

But I guess I can’t make that decision. My self esteem is pretty low right now, because I had a fight with my mum. Just because I refused a photo with my sister who had an award last night. I feel bad for bursting her bubble, but I can’t help feeling like I have no worth compared to her...

My life is too hard for me right now. I know I’m gonna have a meltdown today, which I don’t want. But I’m just going to have to try not to meltdown...

I am safe in case you’re wondering.