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TW: I can't speak to my parents

I'm a 14 year old Australian girl, and I have two parents, a mum and a dad. Sometimes they ignore me, even when I'm talking to them, and other times they say I'm talking back to them. I've read the book "Girl Stuff; your full-on guide to the teenage years" by Kaz Cooke but I still don't believe my parents would take it well if I tell them my issues. When I've told them about problems in the past they get defensive, as if it's their fault or they're doing something wrong, when it's something about my mental health such as anxiety. They ignore me and even have arguments infront of me. I'm not sure if this counts as abuse, but the way they've treated me in the past makes me unconfident (is that a word?) To talk to them. I'm sorry if my problems are irrelevant and I'm being a sook, I just need a little bit of advice Smiley Embarassed

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Re: TW: I can't speak to my parents

Hi @NoEffortIncluded! Welcome to the forums!
It's so frustrating that your parents don't seem to listen to you. Smiley Sad It's understandable that you don't feel like talking to them about things that you've been dealing with, given how they've acted in the past.
I don't think you're being a sook. I have similar issues with my own parents and it really gets to me. It's hurtful when someone who is supposed to listen to your problems and support you makes everything about them and acts like you don't matter.
Do you have any other family members or supports you can confide in?

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Re: TW: I can't speak to my parents

Hello @NoEffortIncluded, sorry to hear that you don't feel too comfortable opening up to your parents. That must be pretty hard. I hope that you have some other family members or friends that you feel comfortable talking to about your thoughts and feelings. Talking about what's going on for us can be such an important thing to help us to feel supported. I just wanted to let you know that I have sent you through an email Heart

I have also read that book by Kaz Cooke before, it is quite interesting! Have you enjoyed reading it Smiley Happy?

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Re: TW: I can't speak to my parents

No you're definitely not a sook! Of course being ignored and not being able to get the point across over and over can make you not want to try to talk to them again. Do they only shrug you off only when you talk about your problems, or just when you talk?

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Re: TW: I can't speak to my parents

Hey! I just wanted to let you know that all your feelings and concerns are valid and you are not being a sook. If you have these thoughts then that means there's a reason for them and we should trust our bodies!! Also i feel like you're not alone with these worries too

 

I remember that book from back when I was in primary school/high school so it's cool that people are still reading that! I also relate to you when you opened up about your anxiety to your parents and them not understanding it/getting defensive, my mum also did this numerous times (but not out of a malice). I can't say for sure if these count as abuse, but it definitely doesn't sit right with me.

 

I think it's important to surround yourself with at least 1 person you can be truly honest with and feel safe to ask any questions. This is everyone's right in life. So maybe if you have a close friend or a school counsellor or your favourite teacher, these questions may go well with them and they can help!!! Sometimes family are not the people you are born with (as you can't control this) but the people you choose to invest in and spend your time with! It might be worthwhile to make some close friends and talk about these issues because if it's on your mind, I guarantee it's on other people's minds as well!!!

 

Feel free to use this forum to voice any concerns/advice seeking because the community is totally supportive and knowledgeable <3

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Re: TW: I can't speak to my parents

Hi @NoEffortIncluded 
You aren't sooking at all, what you feel is perfectly valid, and you aren't alone in feeling that way. It sucks when we can't talk to our parents honestly about things without fear of judgement, conflict or other negative consequences.

Feel free to discuss your issues here- we can provide a listening ear, general support, and direct you to more resources for further help if you like. In the meantime, do you have a trusted adult you can talk too? Maybe someone at school? A family member? Someone you do feel comfortable and confident talking too freely. We can help you figure out who this person might be for you too.

Let us know if you like, no pressure to respond at all- this thread has lots of things for you to look at already
Tay100

 

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Re: TW: I can't speak to my parents

Hey @NoEffortIncluded 

 

I'm sorry you feel that way! Thank you for being brave and asking for some advice on the forums. Your post really resonates with me actually. I had very similar experiences with my parents and sometimes still do. It's hard I think when your parents can't really understand you. I've reached this place of understanding that parents often do things out of a place of love, but aren't able to show that in the right way and can't support you the way you would like. My parents luckily have improved a lot over the years, and what I ended up doing, was having a long sit-down talk with them. I expressed my emotions as calmly as I could and asked them respectfully to just listen and not say anything until I was done. I think it just eventually hit them and they recognised where they went wrong and apologised sincerely. That was a really big moment for me. And yes, we still have our moments but it's getting better and better. 

 

I just wanted to share that with you so you know you're not alone. Things can go much better than they are now. But then again, please also ask for help and guidance from a counselor or another trusted adult. And make sure you look after yourself! You are worth love, you are worth attention, you are worth listening to. And here, you are heard. 


There's a lot of great posts on this thread, and hopefully they help you! Please know you are not a sook. You are brave and just someone who needs a little bit of help, as we all do in life. 


Let us know what you think Heart

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Re: TW: I can't speak to my parents

Hi @NoEffortIncluded

 

I'm so so sorry to hear about what's been going on with you and your parents lately Smiley Sad. It sounds as if it's stressing you out quite a bit, would that be right? I think a lot of the time parents don't realise how much we need their support especially during our teenage years when we are experiencing many life changes that can have a big impact on us. So I completely understand how hard it must feel being unable to confide in your parents. Do you have any other family members you could talk to? Or perhaps you could set up a meeting with your school counsellor? Even talking to a close friend may relieve some of the stress you are experiencing. It's important to not deal with your struggles on your own. 

 

I hope you find this helps you somehow. We are a very supportive community and will aim to help you anyway we can! Your problems are not irrelevant but completely valid Heart