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Re: TW - I constantly think about..

I appreciate that @queenP and all your support @skyedre and @Tiny_leaf and @xXLexi_Lou122Xx . 


I'm not having the best of days emotionally or physically and it's really getting me down. I got to speak to my KHL counselor so that is a positive. I don't really feel like doing anything much and I feel like there is a huge weight with expectations and responsibilities pushing me down. I hope that this illness goes away soon. I'm really finding it hard to cope. The things I'm doing do feel a bit pointless. 


Getter better gives me hope that I'll have the energy to do more of the things I love like sports. That's all I can think of right now that i feel like sharing. 

Re: TW - I constantly think about..

I can certainly relate to that feeling of futility. I had a few weeks there where it felt like I was just going through the motions everyday, and I couldn't see why it was important to keep getting up and doing things that just brought me no joy and didn't help me to feel any different or any better. In hindsight though, I recognise that it was my willingness to keep doing activities (no matter how taxing they seemed) that helped me rise out of how I was feeling. I know now that if I had have stopped and allowed myself to fall in a heap everyday like I wanted to, I would still be feeling miserable now. 


I know that you might not be able to feel joyful emotions right now, but what is an activity that you would usually like to do? I really like cooking and playing piano, so I found that those two activities were really important to my (continuing) recovery. I wouldn't necessarily feel happy when I did them, but they distracted me enough that I wasn't in pain. Do you have a hobby that distracts you? Or maybe a game you like to play? 

Re: TW - I constantly think about..

Right now my distraction for me has been watching tv series and sometimes cooking @queenP . I really like playing the piano too. I'm saving up for one. 


I can't get rid of this question - why do we even bother with this stuff?


I'm trying though. 


I'm not feeling very sociable tonight. My housemate is home and I don't feel like communicating with her. The past couple of days she has been saying and doing things to really piss me off. I don't feel like I can or want to connect with her right now. Smiley Sad 

Re: TW - I constantly think about..

That's great! What have you been watching?


I can completely understand the feeling of not wanting to connect, and I think it's perfectly valid for you to take some time to be by yourself when you're feeling this way. Is there anyone besides your housemate that you feel like connecting with? Maybe a friend or some family?

Re: TW - I constantly think about..

Nah - just want to be alone. @queenP 


I've been watching Chilling Adventures of Sabrina and The 100 and Game of Thrones and Once Upon A Time. 

Re: TW - I constantly think about..

I don't feel like I can cope tonight. As soon as an episode of the show ends I just get this sinking feeling. The same when I start thinking about going to work or thinking about next week and also being sick knowing that I'm not well. 


I even went to the effort to make a meal tonight with lots of left overs. It tasted pretty good. I plan to eat more tomorrow. There are lots of dishes to do. I'll go do that. At least it's a distraction. 


Smiley Sad why does everything feel so shit?

Re: TW - I constantly think about..

It's okay to feel that way @mspaceK. You're doing a great job to get through this, it can be really tough. If it helps, just keep watching episodes of your shows for tonight, or cook. You're putting some fantastic strategies in place.


Can I just check, are you safe at the moment? 

Re: TW - I constantly think about..

I just put away a whole stack of my house mates dishes that she left out to dry and didn't put away for ages. And then I cleaned the whole kitchen, dishes and stove top. And I have 3 left over meals from the food I cooked tonight. 


I'm really frustrated with her. Even though we had a discussion, multiple in fact, about tidying the house and keeping it clean - absolutely NOTHING is changing. I can't even stand to hear her ask me to do something without getting seriously mad inside. And when I can't contain it, I start talking snappy to her and then she gets defensive and says I'm angry and in a mood and that she's just trying to make conversation. 


Well ......YEAH I'M ANGRY.... this has been going on for several months. Ffs just do some loads of washing and stop leaving dirty dishes and rubbish and crap all over the house. I can't stand it. :/ 


I'm back in my room. Going to watch more tv show but I'm fighting the urge not to self harm :/ 



Re: TW - I constantly think about..

Wow, that sounds incredibly productive! 


That's really frustrating. It's so annoying when you try to be polite and ask someone to meet you halfway and they don't cooperate. I can completely understand why you're angry. 


What do you normally do to distract yourself from that urge? Are there any strategies you can use to stay safe? 

Re: TW - I constantly think about..

I'm logging off for the evening, but keep on fighting that urge and keep yourself safe. I'd really encourage you to get in contact with KHL or some face-to-face support if you feel yourself going downhill tonight. Please know that I am rooting for you and will be thinking of you this evening. Stay strong. Watch some TV and do whatever you need to to get by. You've got this @mspaceK xx