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Re: *TW* I don't want to be here anymore

Awww, please don't feel this way. You can talk to me if you want. I am open to talk to anyone, even though I just came here. Everyone has hard times, you aren't the only one. We will all be ok. I'm here if you need me.🙂 Happy to help anytime. 

Re: *TW* I don't want to be here anymore

Thanks @AngelJoy, I appreciate it and welcome to the forums - hope you make some good friendships like I have. 

Re: *TW* I don't want to be here anymore

I hope I do. Thank you.

Re: *TW* I don't want to be here anymore

Aw @MB95 I'm really feeling for you. Aging out of services is such a difficult time for many people, you're not alone with that feeling. I truly hope that you find yourself in another community that fulfills your needs, what other forums have you been considering? 

 

Know that we will never forget about you and the impact you've had on this community and it's users. You've always been an incredibly warm, supportive and open minded person to so many people here. Anybody would be lucky to call you a friend, the way we have here Smiley Happy 

Re: *TW* I don't want to be here anymore

I haven't actually thought about any others @Bre-RO cause I just kinda planned on not joining any cause I don't wanna find myself in this position again cause I don't do well with things like this. I've got pretty shit attachment issues so yeah. @Eden1717 and @Lost_Space_Explorer5 mentioned sane a while back but I posted once on there and their response wasn't nice and made me feel like I couldn't be honest so I never went back. Do you have any tips with coping when we age out and have to leave? 

Re: *TW* I don't want to be here anymore

Also. I feel really paranoid. I'm trying so hard to ignore it but I can't. I manage to keep myself distracted for a little bit but then it takes over again. I'm starting to think I'm going crazy. I haven't felt like this in a long time and even then this feels different. I feel so out of control and like it's starting to show and people are noticing and I don't know what to do. My thoughts won't stop and my anxiety is so intense I keep feeling like I'm going to throw up but can't cause I'm not eating so have nothing to throw up.

Re: *TW* I don't want to be here anymore

Hey @MB95 today sounds like a tough one Smiley Sad paranoid thoughts are like that, it's hard to get them out of your head and it can make you feel like your head is about to explode! When I have them, I try to voice them to someone. Something about saying it out loud to someone helps and your brain kind of reassess the thought. Or you can tell us Smiley Happy I'm sure typing it would help as well. 

 

In terms of your questions around aging out, I think different things work for different people. A lot of it is working through the feeling that it brings up and trying to shift the narrative. For example, when I had to leave a service in the past I was devastated. I really connected with the psych and I didn't want to have to get to know another one. I was really down for weeks about it. When I felt like it was time to let go, I wrote down all of the positive things I gained by meeting my psych. I tried to feel grateful that she was there for me and taught me so much. I still think of her and when I do, I try to imagine sending her a little bubble of love and gratitude for helping me. 

 

During times of transition and change, there will be feelings of grief that come up - and it takes practice learning how to move those feelings on. What I suggested is what worked for me, but it would be different for everyone. Allow yourself to feel the sadness when it comes up and remember we will be thinking of you and missing you right back. 

Re: *TW* I don't want to be here anymore

@MB95  I can understand what you mean about sane there are some great people on there but there are also some very opinionated people there too and it can be hard to balance sometimes. I recently had a bad experience there and havent been on much myself as a result, I am not trying to discourage people from there it can be very supportive at times but as with anything humans do there is space for errors so i can understand why you would feel uncomfortable. anyway as for aging out of services or moving on from them I try and think of it like i am moving on to the next phase of my life and try and use the time as an opportunity for personal growth. like when I left my psych of 7 years and moved to another state for uni I tried really hard to think of it as the next steps. some things arent mean to be forever and that is sad but it is also ok and sometimes when one things stops it makes space for another also great thing to come into the old things place. but it is ok a normal to feel sad and miss the old thing at times. 

 

idk if you have ever lost a pet? it can be kind of like that in a way you loved them and cant replace them exactly but you can also remember them for all the good times you shared and all the things they taught you. idk sorry i am not much help. it really is tough.  

Re: *TW* I don't want to be here anymore

@MB95 I know when I had to leave my treatment team because of the 'expiry date' my CM said I was so ready to continue my journey and didn't need her anymore and I had come so far. While it's really sad to lose someone/something that was so important to you, @Bre-RO is right in saying re-framing loss helps. On the one hand, it can be really sad and a shock to the system, or can be like a blow to the chest, on the other hand, there are fond memories that you can hold on to and it sort of helps you know there are people out there that care about you. And they believe in you and trust that you'll do what's best for you. And wish them well even if you can't see them again. It might hurt for a while, even for a long time, it might not ever feel normal, but some things are worth having your heart broken for. And when that grief has healed a little, you might find yourself looking back and smiling at a funny memory of the thing/person you lost. Like hey do you remember when Lost made me a sloth animation Smiley Tongue Personally, I'll remember you as an awesome support and fellow attachment issues user Smiley LOL and master baker who once mistook a tree (or was it a rock?) for an animal while out on a scavenger hunt walk (I feel like 80% of that is misremembered haha Smiley LOL)

Anyway where was this going? Oh.. The paranoia sounds so rough dude Smiley Sad Is there anyway I can help? It sounds like you're worried others will see you're not doing okay? What's wrong with people noticing things are really difficult for you right now?

I literally haven't posted on sane but I do have an account somewhere lol @Eden1717 I'm sorry you had a bad experience Smiley Sad Did you want to talk about it? I'm dreading losing my pets Smiley Sad Losing your psych of 7 years must've been a big change for you Smiley Sad @Eden1717

Re: *TW* I don't want to be here anymore

I'm really not okay and I don't know how to ask for help in real life. Talking to you guys is easy cause you get me but no one else does and I just feel so alone and don't know what to do. Even on here there's a lot I don't talk about cause I'm scared someone will see it and I'm scared you guys will think I'm crazy. Last night really helped and was such a nice distraction but today I've just gone backwards again. I feel nothing but numbness and anger towards myself and am doing everything I can to keep myself distracted and safe but it's getting really hard to ignore. I just want to cry but am so numb I can't if that even makes sense? I really want to talk to my psych but don't have an appointment with her until next Wednesday and I really don't know I can wait till then. Everything is just too much. I've tried booking in to my GP and can't see her either. I just need to talk to someone. I feel like I'm going crazy and it's just making me worse. I thought of maybe asking if I can talk to my back up psych but idk cause then I feel like my psych will want to talk to me and I don't want to annoy her cause I know she's busy. I just really need help and have no clue how to ask for it and am so over it. 

 

Also, I'm sorry I didn't reply to anyones messages yet. It was too much last night and I just needed to keep myself distracted with our other chats. Your message just got me thinking about the fact that I will also have to leave my psych @Bre-RO and the thought just made me sick so I'm sorry I couldn't reply. I still have like 2yrs potentially, unless she leaves, but whenever I think about it I just get really upset and it makes me shut down and want to push her away. Hopefully one day I'll be able to re-frame things like that but I don't do well with goodbyes so idk. I just wish I didn't get so attached. I hate it so much but can never seem to control it!!! If anyone knows how to control attachment or not get attached in the first place, please do share!!! 

 

@Eden1717 thanks for your message and I'm sorry you've had a shitty time on sane too. You're not wrong when you say there's lots of opinionated people out there! I just wish they'd keep nasty things to themselves!! 

 

@Lost_Space_Explorer5 those memories make me smile but also make me so sad. I really don't want to leave. Anyway, I don't wanna talk about it cause I already feel like shit. But thanks for sharing them. I defs won't forget you guys when I do leave. 

 

My mum just called before to ask about my house situation and I couldn't talk to her. I was so zoned out and like I was listening but nothing was going in. She asked if I was okay and I said yes cause she has no clue but now I want to cry even more because I'm not but I don't know how to communicate that I'm not. And the fact she asked if I was okay was unusual so she's obviously noticed. I wouldn't tell her anyway cause I don't want to worry her. I just want to talk to one of my supports and can't and don't know what to do. I just feel like I'm getting worse.