*TW* I don't want to be here anymore

[MB95]

Thanks for checking in guys, sorry I disappeared. I hope you're all okay - I will check in on your posts over the next few days to see what I've missed, but I hope you're keeping well. 

[Lost_Space_Explorer5]

That's okay @MB95 Take as much time as you need and I hope you are as okay as possible right now

[MB95]

I feel like a failure. I'm trying so hard but things are just too much. I've been trying so hard to ignore my thoughts and feelings and not engage with any of it but it's getting a lot harder to ignore and today I cracked a little. I'm just so exhausted and feel like I have no one. I know it's stupid and I don't want to upset anyone on here but I don't feel like I have RO anymore either. I think it's just because I know I need to leave so am trying to keep my shit off here and I took a break recently when I was really unwell but idk. I just feel really weird being on here now and like everyone hates me and I don't belong here anymore. I know it's silly. But I just feel weird. I feel so out of place and like I have no where to go. I miss everyone on here so much but it's like I'm so emotionally shut off? Maybe it's just me trying to protect myself, idk. It's nothing against any of you guys. You're all incredible. I just don't feel like I belong anymore and I don't know how to accept it or where to get support. I just want to go away again. I keep thinking maybe I should just drop out of uni, get in my car and drive. It's so much easier being on my own and away from everything. 

[MaryRO]

Hey @MB95,

It can be difficult to leave the forum after building so many connections and having a safe space to come to.  Indeed it can seem like a rejection to have to leave and it appears that you acknowledge that others may not hate you, or believe that you do not belong.  This of course can be tough to recognise fully when in a dark place.  Protecting yourself by creating strategies is very normal, please try to be gentle with yourself.

If you did drop out of uni is it possible for you to go back to complete your course?  I understand it might be difficult to speak to your uni about this, however if you let them know what is happening they may be able to support you.  I acknowledge that you do not want to think that you have failed at this and trying very hard to keep things together.  We can only do our best and sometime our best means being kind to ourselves and recognising where our limitations are.  It might be worth speaking to your uni.  They may be able to offer you a helpful solution which can help alleviate a lot of stress.  Can someone be with you while having a discussion about all of this to a coordinator/admin staff?  It might take some pressure off of you if you are not alone. 

[Lost_Space_Explorer5]

I'm sorry you're feeling so lost and like you have no one to go to atm @MB95. I get that feeling of being shut down I think. And the feeling of not belonging, even on here. I'm sorry you've been so unwell and that we couldn't be here for you I get what you mean about wanting to run away and throw caution to the wind haha. Driving can be so calming and can take your mind off things hey?

[MB95]

It can be @Lost_Space_Explorer5. I just want to go and leave everything behind. 

We can take a year leave of absence @MaryRO but I don't want to have to explain to people why and I also don't really want to push my degree back cause I'm already pretty old to be graduating. Idk. I'll work it out. I just need to stop stressing. 

[hunginc]

@MB95 I applied for a late leave of absence in Semester 2 of last year for medical reasons and provided my uni with a letter from my GP without disclosing my diagnosis.

There is absolutely no shame in taking a leave of absence. You do you. I'll be 27 at the earliest when I graduate from my undergrad, but I'll most likely be 28 when I do so.

[MB95]

Does anyone know how to work the Beyond Blue chat? I hit launch chat but it's not doing anything. I knew this was a stupid idea!

[Andrea-RO]

Hey @MB95 ! That sucks that the beyond blue chat isn't working - has your web page changed at all, or is the link just not doing anything?

[MB95]

I got it to work but it was a complete waste of time so I left. There's a reason why I don't bother with any services except for this one. I don't know why I bothered trying. Thanks for the help though @Andrea-RO