*TW* I don't want to be here anymore

[Lost_Space_Explorer5]

@MB95 I had to edit our responses a little cause I was worried it was going a little too close to the guidelines and might give someone ideas I didn't think sorry. As for a safety plan, could we use something like the beyond blue format? It's generally pretty good. So like warning signs, who you can contact, safe places, etc? Do you have the app? I know safety plans can be unhelpful but it'll put my mind at rest that we have your commitment to following it

[Lost_Space_Explorer5]

Oh also I'm a little worried about the 'other things' you've got planned... Do you think you could email the RO staff on the forum email and let them know what your plans are if you haven't already? Obviously you can't post them on here but that could be helpful? Just so we can keep you as safe as possible right now? It's not like I'm wrapping you in bubble wrap! Haha I just want to do everything I can to help out rn

[Eden1717]

@MB95  oooh a jelly fish is pretty cool. I am sorry you feel like you cant trust anyone anymore that isnt fun but i can understand why you would feel that way. trying to handle things on your own can be pretty hard and while it is very important to learn how to manage things yourself that doesnt mean it isnt ok to get help to learn how to do it properly. of course right now everything is too fresh and raw but maybe taking some time to figure out what you need and how to approach things could be useful at some point in time. do you have anything planed to relax and maybe do some self care tonight? 

[Lost_Space_Explorer5]

@MB95's safety plan

For Lost's peace of mind 

Here's a template for you hehe. I put some examples but change and add what you think is helpful! Also you don't have to fill this out but I strongly encourage you!

My warning signs 

e.g. wanting to isolate myself, crying, trouble sleeping, etc?

My reasons to live 

e.g. family, friends, pets, sloths, RO forum friends, finishing my studies and helping others, laughter

Keeping myself safe 

e.g. letting the RO staff know any plans I have via the forum email so I can keep myself safe, removing anything I could use to hurt myself from sight 

Coping strategies

e.g. self-care, RO forums, walking 

People and places I can be around to keep me safe 

e.g. with my housemates, RO forums 

People I can talk to

e.g. RO, helplines (text based or phone), calling uni counselling centre to tell them I need help(?), GP

[MB95]

That's okay @Lost_Space_Explorer5. I kind of wondered that so I appreciate you editing it. I don't want to make things worse for people. It's just hard cause I want to try and talk about the actual real stuff with you guys cause I feel like you're the only ones that will understand but then also don't want to cross any lines. 

I don't have the Beyond Blue app. I've never looked at it. Probably cause I find my safety plans never work when I get to the point of actually needing them lol I feel like they're more for the people dealing with us to put their minds at ease and help them feel like they've done what they can. Which I get. So umm.. idk.. I guess my 'who you can contact' would be here? Warning signs - idk like numbness and not eating and shit maybe? Idk sorry. And safe places.. I guess probably anywhere there are people around me? Sorry. This is actually harder than I thought. If it helps at all, I have to work tomorrow. I was planning to call in sick but decided to try and go and just come home if I can't do it. 

I don't want to annoy the staff anymore. I've sent them a few emails recently and I just feel like I'm wasting their time cause I know they can't physically do anything so would rather not bother them again. I don't like people making a fuss. I've written them down though so it's okay. I feel like you've done everything you can and it's really up to me so please don't take any of this on. Whatever happens is 200% on me. I don't want you to take it on okay? In fact, I want you to take a break from my thread because I feel like it's only making things worse for you and I hate that. I might take a break too and try use my journal a bit more instead so I'm not over sharing on here. Sorry!! Lets make a deal. I'll keep the dark stuff to my journal and you'll take a break and look out for yourself first? Deal? 

Yeah it was pretty cool @Eden1717. I took a photo of it so might upload it later so you can have a look. He was pretty big!! Nothing planned for tonight.. was just going to hang out on here. I'm pretty wiped now though so think I'm just gonna try some jounral writing to shut my head up and hope it helps me fall asleep cause I'm exhausted. 

[Lost_Space_Explorer5]

Hmm I like the idea of the journal but not the keeping things to yourself. I would much prefer you 'overshared' and were safe rather than you getting hurt. The staff are there for a reason but it sounds like you have told them about any plans? Well they are limited to what they can do but they do have a duty of care. It's been a long day for you @MB95, try and get some journalling in and some rest! I like the idea of you going into work tomorrow, it might be a good distraction!

[MB95]

Thanks @Lost_Space_Explorer5. I love that you beat me to it and did such a better job lol It kinda really upsets me how well you know me.. like I just wish we could all meet in person. I mean the thought of it sends my anxiety mental cause I'm scared you'd want nothing to do with me, but sometimes I just really wish we knew each other in person. If anything, sloths is definitely my #1 reason to live. You've completely changed my mind about wanting to end things now. Well done. But seriously, please take a break. Go get some sleep too! I didn't even realise the time! You have no idea how much I appreciate your support. And you're not wrong, you and @Eden1717 give me a reason to stick round. So thanks. I'm really sorry today was a bit heavy. I promise I'll try keep it to myself a bit more if you promise to go do some self care lovin! I'm fighting hard and I'll get there eventually, it's just going to take some time for me to figure myself out so no more worrying okay?! Thankyou though. It's definitely appreciated ❤

[Lost_Space_Explorer5]

I'm really glad things feel a bit lighter for you at the moment. And yes the safety plan helps the other person feel less anxious but it also reminds you that people care, feel more confident about staying safe, and have something you're somewhat obligated to follow by your past self and supports It's sneaky like that haha. You will get there eventually, you're so strong and you're mumma sloth!

[Eden1717]

@MB95  oooh yes i want to see the jellyfish pic. and i can understand what you mean about safety plans it is hard. I hope you manage to get some sleep tonight and that you feel a bit more rested at least when you wake up. we will be here if you need to talk more. 

[MB95]