*TW* I don't want to be here anymore

[MB95]

I really don't feel okay. Everything is happening at once and I can't do this. I feel sick and don't know what to do or who to talk too.

[Eden1717]

@MB95  you can chat on here if you need to... is there something in particular that is bothering you? sorry you are feeling so bad. 

[Lost_Space_Explorer5]

Hey @MB95 I'm sorry so much is happening at once Did you want to talk about it on here?

[MB95]

I don't know how to or where to start. I just feel so sick. And I'm so scared someone is going to see this

[MB95]

I just tried talking to someone on KHL for the first time in forever and that was absolutely useless. There's a reason why I don't bother with helplines. Definately not for me. Now I just feel worse. I'm so over this. I wish I could meet some of you guys in person so I could actually have someone to turn to cause you guys seem to be the only people on this planet that bother to try and understand me.

[Eden1717]

@MB95  I am sorry the helpline wasn’t helpful for you they can be quite hit or miss depending on who answers. I am sorry you are feeling so bad it is horrible when bad feelings won’t go away. We are here to listen if you need, and it would be cool to meet you irl unfortunately that is one drawback of anonymous online sites but of course I can understand why it wouldn’t be safe to identify ourselves still it is hard sometimes. 

[Sophia-RO]

Sorry to hear that things were tough for you last night @MB95. I think it’s good that you reached out for support, it’s a shame that it wasn’t to helpful last night though. Hopefully you have been able to get some rest as it might help you feel a bit better. How are you feeling today?

[MB95]

Yeah I get it too @Eden1717 but it sucks. I never feel understood by people who know me so it would be nice to have someone like you guys in irl that didn't come with an expiry date. I don't feel great today. I only had a couple hours sleep though so that probably isn't helping. There's just so much going on in my head and I can't make it stop. I don't know what to believe any more and I just feel sick. And to add to it I just found out an old friend from home is moving here and I'm pretty sure she is going to be working with my psych so now I'm paranoid about that on top of everything else and feel like I can't tell my psych anything any more and need to stop going there. I just feel sick and alone and angry and ugh idk. I just want it all to stop. I keep thinking about self harming or worse but I'm trying really hard to keep myself distracted so I don't so I'm safe atm. I just really don't feel okay and like I need help but feel like I have no where to get it and that no one would understand anyway. 

[Lost_Space_Explorer5]

@MB95 Yeah it sucks It really does. But the fact there are people trying to understand you means there's more out there, if that makes sense? There are more people who do want to listen to you. I'm sorry things are so loud in your thoughts and you're not sleeping well I can appreciate how your friend coming back to possibly work with your psych would be scary! I would be scared too! Confidentiality is really serious though so I'd hope your psych stuck to that. Still, those paranoia thoughts like to stick around don't they? Sorry your experience with KHL went badly, but good on you for reaching out! That was really brave!

Hehe I smiled at the "expiry" thing, is that some dark humour coming through? The offer to talk to you through the other forums if I can find you still stands! You won't have any trouble finding @Eden1717 on there though I'm still not sure if we're even allowed to do that though..

Otherwise, we're not going anywhere at the moment and even when you can't come on here anymore, you can still visit the site and see us talking! And saying how much we miss "MB95", and wish you well

[MB95]

Yeah, I was really freaked out cause anyone in the office has access to my file and I really don't like that. I emailed my psych last night to ask her to delete it or block it so it's just her who has access and my back up psych and now I feel so stupid because my friend just told me where she is working and its in a completely different area so she won't be able to see it anyway. My psych is going to get a good laugh out of that. I want her to change the access anyway so not everyone can see it so I guess my email is still kinda valid? I just feel so stupid for jumping to it so quickly. Ugh. My anxiety is mental atm. There's just too much going on and I can't handle it. 

I don't know if I will go on another forum cause I feel like nothing is ever gonna be as good as RO. But thanks @Lost_Space_Explorer5, if I end up on them I will definitely be trying to find you all, that's a given.