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TW: I’m not even sure

TW: maybe?? Ehhh I don’t know. I’m kind of scared writing anything on here. It’s my first time and I don’t want to breach the guidelines. Ahhhsnemsndnsnsnsnznsnemsbxnensmensnbxndbsmwkwksbnemsn 

o k  t h e n 

um so I’m like really confused

i don’t know what to do anymore about anything.

I’ve had enough of my brain and it’s thoughts. They’re always shitty and I can’t deal with anything anymore.

This probably doesn’t make sense to anyone if anyone is even reading it

mmmmmmm

so I really hate going to school and I very much dislike being at home and the only reason I’m still alive is because of my boyfriend 

I promised him I wouldn’t try to um

kill myself *cough* again 

so I’m trying not to do that 

I’ve just recently decided that I’m going to run away from home because I know I shouldn’t kms so to get away from home and school I can just run 

but there’s still a problem 

even if I run I will still be with myself 

I want to get away from myself as well but I don’t think that’s possible 

i honeslty just can’t deal with anything anymore and I’ve had enough of letting people down

Every single day I cry no matter what 

hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

whatever

i don’t even know what I’m doing 

Im sorry 

Smiley Sad

Re: I’m not even sure

hi @Just_nobody and welcome
i hope we can help you in some way to ease whats happening for you. it sounds really tough for you.
can i please ask your age or if your over 16/18? Just so i can give some appropriate advice on what my suggestions would be
**NEVER be afraid to ask for help because you're WORTH it!**

Re: I’m not even sure

Hey there @Just_nobody  and welcome to RO, it takes a lot of courage to speak up so thank you for taking that big step here. 

 

I'm sorry to hear you have had thoughts of ending your life, it sounds like they are a bit overwhelming for you at the moment, is that right? Thank you for confirming that you are safe right now. Aside from your boyfriend, is there anyone else you've talked to about these feelings? Such as family, a friend or a counselor? Talking to a professional about what's going can help you get the support you need, what do you think? 

Some great helplines you can call are Kidshelpline or Lifeline, both of which have over the phone or online web counseling. We would really encourage you to get in contact with a crisis service if the thoughts increase or become really overwhelming- they are always there, 24/7 to help and support you.

 

It's great that you're trying to stay safe for your boyfriend, would staying with him instead of at home be a possibility for you? If you feel comfortable to share more about what is happening at home, we are always open to listening.

 

I just wanted to let you know I added trigger warning into the title of this thread- we do this when we can hear a member is going through a tough time and it helps our peer supporters and other members know when someone needs more community support. Please feel free to check in with us when you need to chat or contact the helplines above.


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I am finishing with ReachOut this week, say good-bye here. I'll miss you all!

Re: I’m not even sure

Scared01 I’m 15

Re: I’m not even sure

ok so still in school @Just_nobody

would you feel comfortable in talking to your parents, a school counsellor, a teacher, trusted or a trusted family member about how youve been feeling?
your school counsellor can help with things happening at home and school and help you to cope.

another alternative is talking to headspace or Kidshelpline as they offer regular counselling sessions over the phone or via webchat if you choose
**NEVER be afraid to ask for help because you're WORTH it!**

Re: I’m not even sure

@Jay-RO ok I’m just gonna say this and hopes it’s ok. So last year was when I started feeling like this and when I tried to kill myself. I always fail at everything and I suck so much oh my god. Like??
I should just be dead already.
Hhhhhhhhhhhh
I told my boyfriend how I was feeling and he told the school counsellor. So my counsellor knows and so does my parents but that was last year.
They don’t know how I’m feeling now though.
I can’t tell them
It’s too hard and they won’t understand
I don’t even understand
I am still seeing the counsellor but it just feels like we are talking about pointless things that aren’t even helping.
Your suggestion about living with my boyfriend? Oh my god you don’t know how much I would love to do that. He makes me so happy and has helped me through a lot.
Unfortunately I can’t live with him though.
My parents would not allow that and neither would his.
But like I said, I could just run away from home.
I try to talk to people.
I do.
But either no one listens or they tell me they understand but they really don’t or the main problem being that I just can’t explain it properly.
I just can’t do anything

Re: I’m not even sure

@scared01 I am seeing a counsellor at my school.

its not really helping though

i know it’s my fault for not saying much but I just can’t 

The counsellor I saw last year was better but she’s gone now so I’m stuck with this other person.

 

Re: I’m not even sure

Hey there @Just_nobody,

 

Thank you for being so honest with us. Even though the counselor isn't very helpful right now, I am proud of you for opening up to your boyfriend about your feelings and talking with a counselor. Is it possible to change to a difficult counselor at school if the current one isn't helpful? 

It is really difficult for some to open up and talk about our thoughts and feelings, especially when we feel misunderstood or they don't understand what we're trying to say. It's never your fault.

 

You can also try contacting the helplines suggested earlier, such as Kidshelpline or Lifeline and chat to someone there. Do you think that's something you could try? 

ReachOut also has some articles that you can check out on suicidal thoughts and developing a safety plan, if you're interested. 

 

I'm also sending you an email, so please keep an eye on your inbox Smiley Happy


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I am finishing with ReachOut this week, say good-bye here. I'll miss you all!

Re: I’m not even sure

@Jay-RO  I don’t 

uhhhh

i don’t know

its fine I’ll just keep the same counsellor 

it will just be the same with all of them anyway 

And I’ll reply to your email now 

Re: I’m not even sure

hey @Just_nobody, just dropping into to say that I hope you're doing alright and have gotten some support from @Jay-RO !