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Re: TW: I'm terrified about the future

The world moving forward not waiting for anyone totally makes sense to me. For me, I often feel that way too and have wished if I could have a time stopping machine so that I can do things while the time is stopped. Hee, just a wishful thinking.
Would you mind telling more about things it will be too late to do?
Being worrying and not having a normal year must not be easy living but I think you are strong and self-aware of it. So,  I believe in you that you will learn to tackle this issue. What aspects of others’ thought make you worried about? Because you said you are scared of being judged by them in their mind, does it make you wary of your actions or is it something else?

Re: TW: I'm terrified about the future

To start with, one instance of something I'm worried it's too late for is conventions, because I still don't know if I'll be able to go to any next year, and I really don't want to have to wait for 2022. I feel like people are talking about 2022 when we still have a whole other year ahead of us and it's really stressing me out and making me feel like 2021 is over before it's even begun. I want to do some short courses next year and I've been looking a bit, and I need to look into finding work, and I should also join a gym to get healthier and do more exercise.

Also I'm worried that people will frown upon me for trying to have a positive attitude when around me I can't help but notice people being cynical and hateful. It seems like 2020 has really brought out the worst in some people and they have learnt nothing from the experience other than to be more bitter and angry than ever before. Even before Covid I noticed a lot of bitterness and toxicity going around from the very start of the year making it feel like 2020 was gonna be unhappy no matter what happened. And now in the years to come, they will never change and just bring down other people who are just trying to survive from day to day. I really do feel like the world is a very hostile, toxic environment and all our loathing and being horrible to one another will be the cause of our self destruction, and we can't do anything about it because people just refuse to change for the better. And when I feel so strongly about something like that it takes more than just reassurance to make it go away.

Re: TW: I'm terrified about the future

Hey @Bento,

 

I can hear that you're feeling really down about things today. 2020 has been such an incredibly tough year for everyone, and so I can definitely understand where that feeling of disappointment and frustration is coming from. As you mentioned in your post, you've been feeling pretty negatively about things a lot - even before covid, and all the stuff surrounding that had happened. I was wondering whether the reason you think other people are being cynical and negative, is because you're feeling that way yourself? When we are feeling down or low, it can often be easy for us to pick up a really negative perspective on the world, and see things as being more dark than they actually are. Do you think this might possibly be the case for this situation?

Re: TW: I'm terrified about the future

I don't know, because honestly it just feels to me like negativity is all around me; it's not like I have to go out of my way to make myself upset, most people I have heard from believe that absolutely nothing positive has come out of 2020 and the world is a worse place because of it. I wish I could view the pandemic as an opportunity to step back and reevaluate where life is headed and learn to be grateful for what I have, but it just feels like a total loss to me. I'm also worried about the news of covid cases in NSW causing people there to freak out, making me worry that this is a prelude to things getting worse than ever, and in the end we never had any real hope of stopping the spread and getting things back to normal, it was all just false hope. Despite what the PSAs have said about us being responsible for stopping the spread, I feel like it was never up to us, because we were powerless to determine whether things could get better or worse, it was just up to complete fate. Lately I've become more and more convinced that we as a society have no control over our lives, that we are just passive observers to our pre determined fates that we can't change, and attempting to resist our fate will lead to us being cosmically punished. I know it sounds crazy, but it's gotten to a point where I genuinely believe that because I sure feel like I haven't had any control over anything that happens in my life.

Re: TW: I'm terrified about the future

The good news is that even in NSW there have only been around 30 cases as opposed to being in the hundreds and they seem to be acting fast to bring it back down, I can hope it will work out and it won't affect the rest of Australia but it's not really up to anyone to determine what happens, it depends on what fate wants to happen.

Re: TW: I'm terrified about the future

Hi @Bento  I just wanted to say you sound like a really observant person who has noticed a lot of things about humanity this year. It's really interesting how you can see how people's attitudes almost confirm the way that things are going to turn out. I also totally get the feeling that 2021 is just going to be 365 days of nothing... I think you're doing a really good job trying to find stuff to do! Sometimes people split the year up into quarters and do their best to fill in every quarter with stuff to do and it makes it seem less daunting and gaping. For work, I think from what you are saying you would be keen to do a few different things as long as it occupies you? Maybe you could consider online volunteering or if conventions manage to come back you could volunteer at one of those? I also talked to two people with ASD yesterday who have found work in their chosen area so it's definitely not impossible!

 

I'm sorry to hear you're feeling this way about the new outbreak- I know I'm sitting here waiting to see how it spreads too. I know two people who have had to get tests today because they were in areas of concern. I think some good things have come out of the pandemic, for example better understanding of how people can work from home, and unfortunately even some hard truths about how unsustainable our society is, which hopefully will come to use someday. It's hard to think about how it affects society, but 100 years ago there was the Spanish Flu which killed 12 000 Aussies right after WWI finished. I think with vaccines and everything coming up we may have more hope than we did back then, but it's all very confronting to deal with. I think the reality is yeah, we don't have much control over our lives, so all we can do is just make ourselves happy in them however we can. Humans are a strangely adaptable species and we've come towards doom many times in the last century with world wars and nuclear arms races. It just sucks that we're living through a piece of history again now!

Re: TW: I'm terrified about the future

Well I still feel like there's the possibility that Covid could be the big one that ends humanity for good if it somehow got worse. I feel like there is this immense pressure that next year I need to turn my life around, because otherwise if I can't, it'll be too late for me. All year I have been told to be patient and wait for next year, so you can't expect me to be able to wait for next year again. Each year for me has just been one disappointment after the other, to the point where I deliberately try and go in with low expectations because I don't want to go through the disappointment anymore. It even feels like there's less hope for a vaccine now, because no one knows when it'll happen and I'm worried it won't be able to; what if it turns out a vaccine for covid is impossible and were stuck with it? I would like if it's ready by at least the second half of the year, but again, I've just learned to expect the worst thing to happen because it always does.

Re: TW: I'm terrified about the future

That must be a tough thought to have @Bento. Sorry to hear that you are feeling pressured about next year and feeling like you need to turn your life around. You mentioned that it will be too late for you, could you explain a bit more about what you meant by that? It is hard dealing with uncertainty, especially around something as big as the vaccination for covid, so I can understand why that has been on your mind. Do you have any strategies that you use or thoughts that you have that help you manage these feelings of uncertainty?

Re: TW: I'm terrified about the future

Hey @Bento, it sounds like you’re going through a really difficult time again. I’m sorry to hear you’re feeling like this again. I totally understand your anxiety and stress- it can be hard to expect that next year will be better when this year was so difficult. I truly do feel that next year will be better. The vaccine seems to be effective so far and I feel as though we’re learning to deal with COVID better. Have you been able to share these worries with your mum? If not do you think this would be helpful?

Re: TW: I'm terrified about the future

Well right now I'm feeling a bit better, I've decided to take a break from news for a while until things die down, but I understand there are times I'll need to look up the news myself to get full context because with big stories I'm gonna find out one way or another, so id rather get the full picture to try and reduce my catastrophising, although that's still a problem for me as I'm sure you know. Tomorrow I'm going to counselling again so I can talk about all this stuff I'm feeling, it is hard for me to open up to someone about this verbally but last session my counsellor said I was doing a good job talking about it.