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TW.I need to vent this.Don't read it.

I hate myself. 

I hate that I'm trans. 

I hate that I have a borderline personality. 

I hate that I have bipolar. 

I hate that I believe that aliens talk to me. 

I hate my life.

I hate how depressed I am right now. 

I hate my weight. 

I hate how I hate my weight and the fact I have an ED. 

I hate how selfish I am. 

I hate how much of a waste of space I am. 

I hate how I use public resources by always being in hospital. 

I hate how I always want to die. 

I hate how close I've come to death but still being alive.

I hate that I'm writing this. 

I hate everything about my life and i hate that because I know there's good bits and I know people care. 

I just feel so angry with myself for not finishing it on Saturday. Why am I. Why am I like this. Why can't I get better. Why can't I just get over this stuff. Why can't I be happy. Why can't I just be "normal" 

===========================
Trying to make my misery
just a piece of my history
A little less victim a little more victory
-Icon for Hire

Re: TW.I need to vent this.Don't read it.

Hey @redhead, all of this is a lot to process and is very harsh on yourself. I know how overwhelming things can get for you. There are a lot of positives about you as well and I am glad you have recognised that there are good bits and that people care about you Heart Are you able to focus on these positives for tonight? What supports are you engaging with tonight, Suicide Call Back Service?

Re: TW.I need to vent this.Don't read it.

Hey @redhead, I’m sorry you are having these thoughts right now. Smiley Sad How do you feel now you have journalled this out on here? Is this something you could show to your psychologist when you next see them?

Re: TW.I need to vent this.Don't read it.

@mrmusic a lot was taken out because it was against guidelines and I can't remember it and I didn't save original and I'm usually not one to show things to my psych.
===========================
Trying to make my misery
just a piece of my history
A little less victim a little more victory
-Icon for Hire

Re: TW.I need to vent this.Don't read it.

@redhead. I hate how you've written so many negatives things about yourself when I bet in fact that you're beautiful inside and out. I'm so sorry that you are going through this rough patch in your life, always remember that life is worth living even through the tough times and there is no such thing as being "normal", why bother fitting in with society, embrace being YOU, because I know you are amazing, even though I haven't met you.
We're always here for you. Please let me know how you're doing 💞

Re: TW.I need to vent this.Don't read it.

Hey @redhead, right I see. I’m glad that you have this safe space to get things out. Heart

 

Like both @Taylor-RO and @jess1600 have said, there are so many amazing qualities about you, and you are a beautiful person. I hope you never forget that. Heart

Re: TW.I need to vent this.Don't read it.

@redhead I'm sorry to hear you're struggling so much tonight 

hugs GIF

 

I like how even though you are feeling so much right now you've stuck to guidelines!

 

You mentioned that you don't usually show things to your psych, I'm wondering if this is something you could try?

 

I know personally when I first showed my psych something I'd written, I felt so vulnerable and scared, yet though afterwards I felt okay because she was able to help me work through it.

DO you think if you were to share something like this it could help?


Remember you're amazing just as you are Heart

Re: TW.I need to vent this.Don't read it.

@Bee I didn't stick to the guidelines Taylor edited it. I'm kinda stupid today.
My next session with my psych is 5 weeks away there will probably be more valid things to talk about then. I will bring up how much I hate myself though, it's stuff I need to deal with.
===========================
Trying to make my misery
just a piece of my history
A little less victim a little more victory
-Icon for Hire

Re: TW.I need to vent this.Don't read it.

@redhead that's okay
I can certainly understand how there could be more valid things to discuss then, but I hope you do bring it up with your psych when you see them

How can we best help tonight? <3

Remember you're amazing just as you are Heart

Re: TW.I need to vent this.Don't read it.

@Bee it's just been helpful to get it out. I've had so much on my mind today
===========================
Trying to make my misery
just a piece of my history
A little less victim a little more victory
-Icon for Hire