Hey @Bananatime04
I'm sorry to hear that you're going through such a difficult time. I must say though, it's really wonderful to watch you and @Tiny_leaf support each other on here. *group hug* 
I think Tiny_leaf has offered some really practical and useful suggestions, and it's great to see that you are open to trying them Bananatime04.
If you don't mind me asking, what did you buy for your new room? I love home-ware/home-design
Hey @Bananatime04 I've just been catching up on your posts. I apologise for being offline for the week - I needed a bit of time and space to realign my mental space. I am so so sorry to hear about your friend's nan and your brother's friend - it sounds like a really painful and difficult week for you and I am truly sorry it has happened to you.
I just want to say - you are so tough. This is a crap time, and I am so impressed that you're reaching out to us and to your KHL counsellor, and giving your mum a great birthday. And on the same wave - the support you provide here for others is so wonderful to see.
And I remain such a fan of your artwork - your "cowify-ing" brought a big smile to my face! The cow is SO cute!! Are you going to put any "cowified" things into your new room? 
@Maddy-RO well I recently got a nice new bed so I didn’t need a new one but I got new bedside tables and a tall boy.. they’re like a rustic look. I have my cow ornaments that I’ve made, I got some led light strips for around my roof, I got these other like fairy lights that have pegs to hang pictures along, I got some pillows, sheets, more succulents and a mirror. I don’t have a lot of money left but my mum offered to take over my phone bill as my parents are earning a lot of money atm. (I’m very thankful).
@JazzInMay no problem at all! I’m happy that you noticed you needed a break and put your mental health first. Tonight is going very rough, I contacted my khl counsellor and went over time because I just could not leave. I wanted to make a new suicide plan (just for comfort in a way, with no date) and also I’m wanting to self harm
she calmed me down a little bit through but when she left I had the biggest panic attack. I have 2 cows, my cow print letter A and my cow print charger, that’s all. I have nothing to cow-ify atm because all my stuff is gone.Thank you guys
also should let you know, I brought a dot journal and some gel pens, ball pens, calligraphy pens and a few other things and started my bullet journaling that @Bre-RO and @Tiny_leaf suggested
@Bananatime04 take as much time as you need, what you're going through is really hard.
I hope the journaling goes well!
Ooh your furniture sounds so nice.
I'm just gonna have Ikea stuff when I get my room done. I'm cheap like that 
My bed was from fantastic furniture.. they’re pretty cheap. But my tall boy and bedsides I think they were from ishka? Or maybe it was the importer.. my mum got them. Not sure if you’ve heard of those?
Ikea has some nice stuff
Hey @Bananatime04
My name is Whimer, and I hope you are feeling a little bit better since your original post about two weeks ago.
Please, don't be sorry for the rant - getting things out of our mind could actually make us feel much better.
Please allow me to share a little bit of my experience. I've suffered from depression for almost a year now, during which I've experienced every single symptom of depression - to different extents though. Self-loathing and self hate is something that I have struggled with, and will be continue to struggle with, for every single day. So just to let you know, that there are people like you out there who feel your pain. You are not alone and you will never be alone in this.
For social media, I personally block those friends who constantly show off their achievements, just to make myself less anxious. And I think we'll all agree that social media can sometimes be the root cause of anxiety resulting from endless comparison between ourselves and others...
I've recently been watching videos on Medcircle, which is a platform where mental health professionals educate people on mental health issues. And there is a quote that I absolutely loved, by Dr Sue Varma, that goes, "We compare our insides to other people's outsides."
This is such a powerful quote that resonated with me so deeply. And I would like to share it with you
Let me know how you are doing today, and I'll always be happy to chat!
Whimer
I don’t think I’ve ever seen you around.. it’s nice to meet you!Thank you for sharing a piece of your story, I appreciate it
I’ve struggled with depression for quite a few years now, I am certainly not closer to recovery than I was when I was first diagnosed. I seem to feel worse as time goes by but people say I’m getting stronger and growing and making improvements. No, that is not true what so ever. Yes, I’ve tried more strategies, grown my supports, become more self aware, and loads more than sound bring people closer to recovery but honestly I’m not feeling any better. I feel so much worse. My counsellor noticed it last night and even asked me if I’m finding talking to her making me feel worse. It prevents me from escalating further but doesn’t stop me from getting worse I don’t know how to explain it. These things I do help slow down me getting worse in a way, but they don’t make me better. I’m never going to be better. No one understands I think my depression is a chronic disorder.. @Tiny_leaf how do you find out if my depression is depression or chronic depression?But no one fully understands what you’re feeling inside, there’s things that build on it and it’s not visible. No ones pain is identical, they’re similar but no one will have the exact same struggles
I don’t believe that I’m sorry.Today I am freaking out as I am leaving the state tonight
saying goodbye to my family is hard..I am really happy with my call last night with my khl counsellor.. I was really open about my suicide plan and self harm. Only because she told me that she won’t call the police or an ambulance.
Thank you, again
