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Re: TW I really really hate myself

@xXLexi_Lou122Xx no Janine works Monday-Wednesday Smiley Sad It’s fine I just really want to talk to someone about it..
thank you Heart I’m just scared.. I feel like it’s going to effect my whole life and prevent me from being able to do certain things Smiley Sad

Re: TW I really really hate myself

@Bananatime04 sexual assault isn't something I've experienced but DV is.

I know it's not exactly the same as talking to @Janine-RO But if you want to talk about it anyway I'll see if I can help.

Re: TW I really really hate myself

@JazzInMay I really hope so Smiley Sad I am going to miss her so much.. I keep having flashback of the way she responded when I guessed Smiley Sad she paused and I could tell she was sad when she said “yea.. actually.. you have guessed that one right..” it was heartbreaking and every time I think about it I cry 😭

Re: TW I really really hate myself

Oh @Bananatime04 I'm so sorry Smiley Sad change is really hard sometimes, especially when it involves someone we care about leaving. I think it's really important that you said she seemed sad - it seems she genuinely cared about you will miss you too. Which means you were both important to the other, which I think is really a good thing, even if it's difficult now.

Re: TW I really really hate myself

@Tiny_leaf thank you Heart
Well I don’t want to be alone my whole life, I want to one day be able to have a relationship with someone but I know that my trauma is going to make it hard.. it already makes my life harder. I get scared so easily, flinch and panic when people get too close to me, I freak out when I see men, I always think people are going to hit me for example when someone goes to give me a hug I potentially scream.. it is bad. I don’t know how I’m going to live around this and I don’t know how I could possibly be in a relationship when this happens

Re: TW I really really hate myself

@JazzInMay I know Smiley Sad we literally cried together.. the fact that I’m never going to hear from her ever again is really really sad. She knows my full name, why can’t she just add me on Facebook? Haha that was a joke but that would be cool. I know why that can’t happen

I want her to stay 😭 or at least check in every 6 months.. I miss her already

Re: TW I really really hate myself

@Bananatime04  I understand, it can be so difficult to say goodbye Smiley Sad

My mum told me this once - sometimes people leave our lives for a reason. I mean it doesn't cover every case, but I always used it when I lost friends etc. I consider people who are no longer in my life as having been valuable to me at the time, or for teaching me lessons.

I'm sorry, I'm unsure if that helps. I am sorry you're sad and I am thinking of you tonight.

Re: TW I really really hate myself

Hey I am just catching up on posts, I am sorry to hear that a few people have not been feeling the best today. @Bananatime04 I am glad that you have been able to connect to a new counselor and it seems like you have also been able to some self care today as well! 

 

I am sorry that you have not been feeling very good, and that your trauma has had such a big impact. Do you think you might be able to talk to the new counselor about your feelings about being in a relationship?

Re: TW I really really hate myself

@Bananatime04 okay so.. honestly with the domestic violence it's going to be really hard to heal while you're in a situation like that.. is that a thing that still happens to you?

Cause a big part of trauma is your brain going "I need to be ready in case it happens again."

 

So like.. the first step would be making sure that it's not likely to happen again.

And if it is happening I can help you brainstorm some ways to keep yourself safe. Because that's really important.

 

With the relationship thing, one thing that helps me a lot is letting people know that I don't like to be touched without warning/ permission, and that very fast movements make me flinch.

Like my friends all learnt that if I was hugged from behind I would freeze up and panic, but if I was hugged from in front were I could see them I was fine.

So like.. now they know that I need a gentle warning of what they're going to do before they do it.

 

And it was the same with a relationship. So long as I knew (and agreed to obviously) what was going on, I was fine.

But if she'd like, gently touch me on the back without warning I'd panic.

 

So.. basically it's doable, so long as you understand each other and set boundaries. Which is honestly the kinda stuff you want in a relationship anyway.

Re: TW I really really hate myself

@JazzInMay thank you Heart maybe it was time for me to get help from someone else so that I can be helped in another way.. but I just don’t understand why she has to be completely cut out of my life with absolutely no contact at all 😭

@Claire-RO thank you Heart I’m not sure if I can be open with her yet.. she only knows the basics and it takes me a while to trust people. Especially this topic, I am very sensitive. I will try though.

@Tiny_leaf I really really appreciate your reply.. thank you so much Heart I am so sorry that you also struggle with these things but those are some really good tips! When I meet you at the workshop, can I give you a hug? Or is it too distressing?

I’m not actually in a relationship yet, I want to be when I am older but I’m just afraid that trauma will stop that from happening. Hopefully your advice will help me in that situation though Smiley Happy have you been in an actual relationship before? If so then has it been affected a lot by what happened to you?


Thank you guys Heart