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Re: TW I really really hate myself

@Bananatime04  oh wow, it sounds like it's all happening really quickly - how are you feeling today? I can completely understand feeling scared - big life changes like this ARE super scary. We are all here for you. 

 

It's great that you could chat with your English teacher and school counsellor and express how grateful you are for everything they've done for you, I'm sure that would have meant a lot to them (especially once that misunderstanding was sorted out) - and it's good that you still have the option open to come back in a few months if it's not a good fit Heart 

 

 

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Check out our community activities calendar for April 2020 here
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Re: TW I really really hate myself

Hey @Bananatime04

 

How are you feeling this afternoon? It sounds like it's been a really big few days and I totally understand, big life changes can be scary and it does seem like it's happened quite quickly. I'm so sorry to hear it's causing you stress Smiley Sad

 

As has been said, we are all here to listen and to support you!

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Re: TW I really really hate myself

That does sound really big @Bananatime04!

I know you've been hating yourself, and I know what it's like. I hate me for me as well. I don't know why. I just do. And you've seen it.

But I know that we've been struggling like this for a long time. I have since I was in year 5. And it's not a fun thing to deal with.

I'm not going to try and convince you that you are worth it, and that anything you do is not a mistake or anything. Because I don't know how to believe that myself. But I have been told by you, and many others, that I am not a mistake. I might have made a few in my life, but they do not define who you are. Nothing as a tangible object or outside beauty will define who you are, and nothing can stop you if you remember that. What defines you, is how kind you are, how loving you are, and all the lovely things you do for us, and for your family and friends.

I know that it won't change anything, but I am also here. I know I'm not the best person to help you either, but I'm still here. Just Reach out to me, I'll be here when you need it.❤

On the upside of you moving, you'll be closer to me! Even if I'm still a whole state away, we'll still be closer! And, you'll be closer to the workshop when we go! Smiley Happy
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Re: TW I really really hate myself

@Janine-RO @JazzInMay @xXLexi_Lou122Xx thank you Smiley Sad I’m not really sure how to reply right now but.. yea I don’t know Smiley Sad I’m sorry

My life is just falling apart right now
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Re: TW I really really hate myself

It's okay @Bananatime04  if you're not in a good space to reply right now, we all understand. 

 

Just know that we are all thinking of you, we're here for you if you need us. I know it may not always feel like it, but you're a really strong, intelligent and compassionate person. You've coped with so much before, and you don't have to do it alone. We're here whenever you want to chat. 

 

Long Distance Love GIF by Chibird - Find & Share on GIPHY

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Check out our community activities calendar for April 2020 here
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Re: TW I really really hate myself

@Janine-RO I have a really bad problem Smiley Sad
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Re: TW I really really hate myself

@Bananatime04  I'm sorry to hear that, do you feel like talking about what's happening for you?

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Check out our community activities calendar for April 2020 here
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Re: TW I really really hate myself

@Janine-RO firstly, I’m safe right now. And also probably a trigger warning for this post..

But whenever something happens, I just want to die. My thoughts are so easily triggered now. I don’t know what to do. Moving makes me want to die, going to a new school in 3 weeks makes me want to die, not having gymnastics makes me want to die, leaving my English teacher makes me want to die, finding out my best friend of 10 years is talking to my ex makes me want to die, when my hair isn’t working I want to die, when I’m unmotivated I want to die, when I make a small mistake I want to die, I’ve been getting a lot of nose bleeds this week which makes me want to die, when I wake up in the middle of the night I want to die.. everything that has negativity (no matter how small) or when something happens that I don’t want to happen it makes me want to die. It’s a problem. I can’t be thinking these things all the time, it’s draining.

I am literally so over life and all I want to do is die 24/7 but I do need to say, I will not kill myself. I promise. I could not do that to people. Instead I am just letting life do whatever it has to do without caring. I’m just letting everything happen. Letting the world control my life without doing anything. I’m done but I can’t be done? If that makes sense..
I don’t know if I’ve said this or not but my dad is having a lot of issues.. he’s drinking too much which has lead him to doing things out of his control. My step mum and step sister have decided to leave so they got a divorce. When I say my life is falling apart, I mean, it’s falling apart. But I’ll stay, I have to.

I’m safe, I promise
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Re: TW I really really hate myself

@Bananatime04  thanks so much for confirming that you're safe at the moment, but I'm so sorry to hear that you're in such a dark place at the moment. You've had a massive amount on your plate lately, and I can understand why that's left you feeling really awful- it can be easy to spiral down into those black spaces when there's so many different pressures happening at once. 

 

I'm wondering if it could be a good idea to line up some extra supports for you for the next few months, what do you think? A lot of psychologists are now offering telehealth appointments, which could potentially mean that you could start seeing someone now and continue that relationship while you get settled in NSW. It sounds like things have been really rough with your dad as well, I'm so sorry to hear that. Is he getting any help at the moment? 

 

We are all here for you Heart Thanks for being so open and honest, and thanks for making sure you are posting safely when things are so hard - I know how much you've worked on that and we massively appreciate it. 

 

(The GIF says I - but i do mean "we" - there's a community of people here who are here for you)

 

 

Here For You GIFs - Get the best GIF on GIPHY

 

 

 

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Check out our community activities calendar for April 2020 here
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Re: TW I really really hate myself

@Janine-RO thank you Heart I love the gif- it reminds me of my dog, Bella. She used to have an odd white nail and the rest were dark.

I have you guys and I have kids helpline.. is that enough? I will get in touch with the school counsellor when I go to the school. I’m not looking forward to it because it’s in the middle of whoop whoop. It’s like just a bit north-west of the centre of nsw. And it’s also going to be hot.. I’m not used to that. My dad isn’t getting help.. I offered the counselling online service (for support with alcohol problems) and he just asked me where I’m coming from because he genuinely believes that it’s not a problem and that he’s happy when he drinks. He gets so angry when he drinks but I don’t think he remembers it.
At least I won’t have to travel as far to come to the mods workshop 😕 actually the nearest airport is probably like a 3 hour drive away..

I feel so lost. Like I’ve let myself go