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Re: TW I really really hate myself

@Bananatime04 I've been sitting a while trying to think of words. I'm just really, really sorry you're in so much pain and going through so much. You're not alone in struggling so much that any extra negativity prompts the wanting-to-die thoughts. But I'm so sorry you're going through that it sounds like such a hard place to be in. We're here for you however we can be. ♥️ Is there anything it would help to talk through in more detail? 

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Re: TW I really really hate myself

@hellofriendit’s okay. I am fine. Well I’m not fine but I’m fine enough to not deserve help, my kind of fine that only means fine when I’m like this. Does that make sense?
The only thing I wanted to talk about was my thoughts being so easily triggered. I can literally just want to kill myself because I’m bored sometimes..

At least I got some good news today. My doctor told me that my blood test results for my iron levels were really good. That’s because of my overdose (not to harm myself, I was trying to get my levels up quickly) the night before but no one needs to know that. The good thing is I don’t need an infusion anymore!! But I need another test in 6 weeks so I will have to do it again I think.

 

how are you?

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Re: TW I really really hate myself

@Bananatime04 giving yourself iron poisoning on a regular basis is not safe.

Please, please talk to a doctor honestly. I'm really worried for you.

 

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Re: TW I really really hate myself

@Tiny_leaf it got my iron levels to normal the next day though.. I’m not doing it regularly, I’ve only done it once and that was ages ago (like a month ago).
Please don’t stress, I am fine
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Re: TW I really really hate myself

@Bananatime04 how about you talk to a doctor just to be sure?

If it really is fine, then you won't need to worry about it.

And if it isn't fine, then you can do something about it.

 

If you won't do it for any other reason, your physical health can affect your mental health.

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Re: TW I really really hate myself

@Tiny_leaf I just don’t want an infusion Smiley Sad I’m scared tiny_leaf

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Re: TW I really really hate myself

Hey @Bananatime04 , 

 

I do have to echo what @Tiny_leaf has said here, it's good that your iron levels have normalised but it is pretty unsafe to be taking medication in any other way than what your doctor has prescribed, I know that you were concerned about side effects, but it would definitely be good to have a chat to your doctor about that Smiley Happy 

 

It sounds like you're feeling like your emotional reactions are a bit more extreme than normal, is that right? Being triggered easily like that must be pretty hard on you - has your counsellor helped you with any ways to help you to self-soothe? When we're feeling pretty heightened our body and brain can go into crisis mode, and it could be helpful to work with a psych or counsellor on ways to help settle yourself. I know that personally I found learning mindfulness to be really helpful. Other people like meditation, or grounding strategies, there's a lot of threads where people have shared different things that work for them Smiley Happy

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Re: TW I really really hate myself

@Bananatime04 the safest way to avoid an infusion is to take your meds as prescribed.

Taking iron tablets properly can still make a really quick change to your iron levels. 

 

When I wasn't eating much I was very anemic. It took weeks to get my iron levels back to acceptable levels, and then a few months on a lower dose to get them back to normal.

No infusion needed.

But you have to take them properly.

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Re: TW I really really hate myself

@Janine-RO I’m sorry, but I’m not seeing a doctor. I am fine. It was ages ago and it was just an option to do it again. If you guys are really that worried I won’t do it. I’m not seeing a doctor. I’m NOT having an infusion.

Yes that’s right.
I have a book coming.. it’s called Zen as fuck. Really recommend it, even though I haven’t got it yet it looks really good. I haven’t been able to get hold of my counsellor for a while. Maybe I’ll talk to her on Friday.
But I don’t go into crisis mode, it’s like I’m stuck there. But I’m still safe so don’t worry about me I’m fine
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Re: TW I really really hate myself

@Tiny_leaf but.. I’ll get fat 😔 I don’t want to be fat. I know you’re going to say what’s wrong with being fat but it’s just how I am and how my standards for myself are. I have nothing bad towards people that are bigger than me, it’s just that I’m not allowed to be that way. I don’t want to be fat
My iron tablets make it harder for me to eat less