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TW: I think I was taken advantage of

So, I met a guy about two months ago. And we've been talking since. About a week and a half ago, we talked and decided to take things slow, since his past relationships had not worked out. I agreed. Considered, I've never had a boyfriend and I told him this and told him I was a virgin. Then, one day we were at his house and making out, he wanted more, and I said no. He stopped and was okay about it. Then, this weekend we were with a couple of friends drinking, and I ended up staying after they all left. I was drunk but somewhat conscious. We were making out and he wanted to have sex. I did not stop him. But we didn't end up going all the way. I just know he did go down on me and was fingering, and I did not stop him. I just feel like of I was sober I would have stopped him. I dont know what to do, since we were suppose to take it slow. 

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Re: I think I was taken advantage of

Hi @Gorda, and welcome to the ReachOut Forums!❤️

I personally have never had this experience, and hope to never have it, even when I’m old enough to. But from my knowledge of drinking and stuff, I feel like your boyfriend didn’t mean to do ‘it’ to you.

I also suggest talking to him. If you feel a little taken advantage of, talk to the person, and see what they thought of the situation. Do you think this is something you can do? Talking about something can go a long way. ❤️

Here for you❤️.

// You are worth Something, not Nothing. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise //

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Re: I think I was taken advantage of

I also feel like he didnt mean to, since he stopped after a few minutes and told him to stop because it was hurting. And yes, he was also drunk. What should I tell him though? Because I was thinking of talking to him about it. And, I dont remember everything, I dont know if he was even wearing a condom. Which does not matter now, since we didnt go all the 2way.
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Re: I think I was taken advantage of

Hey @Gorda 

 

Welcome to ReachOut and I just wanted to say how brave it is of you to come here to get some support with this situation Heart 

 

It's really good that you have set boundaries with him and have said no when you wanted things to slow down. It sounds like things got tricky when alcohol was involved but I want you to know you aren't alone in these sorts of situations. I think the important thing to mention is that when you are really drunk (even if you're conscious) it impacts your ability to give consent. We actually have an article on this here, if you wanted to read it at some point.  We also had a chat about it awhile back on the forums here - it's starts off with a really good  video about consent being like making someone tea. I recommend everyone watches it Smiley Happy 

 

The tips might help you open up a conversation with the guy you've been seeing. Do you think setting the boundary that you don't explore sexually whilst drunk is something you could bring up to him?

 

We are here to talk you through this Heart 

 

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Re: I think I was taken advantage of

I liked the article, thank you. And yes, it is something that I can talk about to him. How should I initiate the conversation?
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Re: TW: I think I was taken advantage of

Hey @Gorda

 

Thank you for reaching out about this! I want to echo @Bre-RO in that I think it's so brave of you for asking for advice on your situation. We're here to support you and will try to give you as much advice as we can. 

 

I think having another conversation with the person you're seeing is definitely a good idea. When you are comfortable and have sorted out in your head everything you would like to address, maybe have a chat? I suggest you make sure he knows it's a serious chat where you would like to sit down and talk to him privately, rather than just a passing-by conversation in a hectic setting.

 

When you initiate it, I think something like "hey, so you know how I've set my boundaries on how far we go intimately, I wanted to talk to you about them so that we're on the same page." And then you could add how that time when you were at his house and both of you were drunk, you thought about it afterwards and you felt uncomfortable about the situation and that you think setting a boundary for when either one of you is drunk before it happens again is a good idea. 

 

Good on you for reaching out here and I'm proud of you for being open to chatting with him. Conversations about intimacy with your partner is definitely an important one and one that every couple should have. Let me know what you think Heart

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Re: TW: I think I was taken advantage of

Thank yall so much. I will talk to him. Should I ask him about his sexual health history too?
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Re: TW: I think I was taken advantage of

Hey @Gorda! Welcome to ReachOut!
I’m so sorry that you’ve had to go through this Smiley Sad I just wanted to say I’m really glad that you’ve come to the conclusion of talking about it Heart that shows a lot of strength!
I reckon you should mention anything you’re comfortable with Smiley Happy if you are curious about knowing his sexual health history, go for it! I think You have every right to know.

We’re here for you anytime you need Heart goodluck!
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Re: TW: I think I was taken advantage of

Thank yall so much ❤
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Re: TW: I think I was taken advantage of

Hey @Gorda 

 

I'm really happy to see that you've received support here. 

 

I think it's okay to ask that question, just as long as you feel comfortable talking about it. 

 

Keen to hear how the chat goes when/if you decide to talk it over.