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Re: TW: Major trust issues, and self-hate is catching up to me

Also you will be okay when I’m gone, Tiny_leaf is an amazing friend and you guys will be great together at the workshop and on the forums Heart
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Re: TW: Major trust issues, and self-hate is catching up to me

@Bananatime04 Yeah... I don't know how either...

I've never had voices before, but now my thoughts have started to take the shapes of my family and everyone else I love...
What do you mean, when you ask if I have any ideas for this? I'm confused...

Thank you. Heart
I don't exactly know... It used to make me feel good, but now its just not there anymore. Like, I want to be there for my friends at school, but they wouldn't go to me for anything. They don't check-in with me either...

If its helping out on a team at church, then yes, and also when I helped people through there tough times. But I can't even do that, because they think 'I'm not cool enough to help them'. That was at my last school... now I have no one to help, and I also have no one to go to for a shoulder to cry onto.

I just started ranting again...
Basically, I feel useless, because I can't help anyone with their feelings. Because they choose others over me. i think that's mainly it... But I used to feel joy in helping others, it definitely made me feel good. But now, not so much...

Nothing really makes me feel as good as I used to anymore...
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Re: TW: Major trust issues, and self-hate is catching up to me

Wait... you are actually leaving forever??

No... please don't do this to me...
I can't bear for you to leave me like this. I... please don't do this...

Like, I understand if you need a break, but I can't cope if its forever. < : (

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Re: TW: Major trust issues, and self-hate is catching up to me

@xXLexi_Lou122Xx I meant do you have any ideas of new things you could try so you could be proud of yourself.. sorry.
How would you feel about letting your friend Lexi know that your are there if she ever needs someone to talk to? Maybe she could be needing a friend as supportive as you are here Heart that could even possibly bring you both closer and you may feel comfortable talking to her about some things also?
I obviously don’t know what she is like but it’s just a suggestion Smiley Happy

I’ve been emailing ReachOut about this today.. I don’t feel like a positive part of the forums. My support is often not what the users need, I keep breaking guidelines which could cause this space to be unsafe for other users in some way, they’re going to make a report to child protection services AGAIN which I can’t deal with, my kudos are Soooo much lower than my number of posts (especially compared to other users) which goes to show that my contributions are mostly negative, I feel I am too distressed to be around, I keep saying things that don’t make sense or say things that are interpreted wrong or I interpret things wrong and I don’t feel very wanted in some way.. like not that many people talk to me. Some people have left the forums and I feel I am to blame because I am a horrible person and a horrible contributor to the forums
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Re: TW: Major trust issues, and self-hate is catching up to me

Hey @xXLexi_Lou122Xx

 

I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling so overlooked, and that you're feeling really down at the moment 💕 I think bananatime was asking if you had any coping strategies for dealing with those voices.

 

Sometimes I think it can be really easy for people who are empathetic and kind to help others, even when they might not be fully in the right headspace for it. This might mean that you get really tired, overwhelmed or exhausted. It might help to let people know "hey I'm feeling a bit off today, but maybe we can talk about something else?" -that way you both can give support and company to each other 😊✨🌻 do you ever ask people for help, or let them know you're struggling?

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Re: TW: Major trust issues, and self-hate is catching up to me

@xXLexi_Lou122Xx I’ll let you and Andrea chat now Heart

Goodnight
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Re: TW: Major trust issues, and self-hate is catching up to me

@Bananatime04... I won't push you or anything, but I feel like you have the same problem as me...
You feel so much like you are too negative or distressing to be around, and now you feel like you shouldn't be here. At least... that's how I interpreted what's going on...

I know that you are definitely wanted, but I can't stop your decision.

But please don't make a completely decided decision... for me? Even if you come back in a year's time, just to let me know that you aren't... you know...

Please just don't say that you'll leave forever... If it is forever, then I will miss you lots. and maybe grieve for the first time too...

goodnight Bananatime04... I love you. Heart
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Re: TW: Major trust issues, and self-hate is catching up to me

@Andrea-RO yeah...
I don't really have any strategies for when that happens... I just let it play in my head for so long, and then it stops after a while, so that I can focus on other things... Or I just focus on my schoolwork, but sometimes that doesn't work. I'll end up silently crying while working sometimes...

Yeah... I'm definitely one of those people...
I don't know why, but even letting people know how I feel or saying that I'm not my best, is like burdening them with the knowledge that I exist...

The only people I do tell, are my youth leaders... and even then, I don't say much... I tend to just let them take over the conversations...
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Re: TW: Major trust issues, and self-hate is catching up to me

I think I need to leave now...
Its getting late, and I still need to shower and finish writing out these quotes I found...

I'm going to get too emotional if I stay here tonight.

Thank you to everyone who has supported me tonight, I'll check-in again tomorrow morning...
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Re: TW: Major trust issues, and self-hate is catching up to me

I’m sorry you feel the same.. yes that’s exactly how I feel. I read other people’s support and think to myself, why wouldn’t I be able to come up with those words? Why aren’t I good enough to make a difference? Why do I even bother? You know..?

I’m also grieving. It sucks and it makes me want to die every minute of every day because I lost all my hope when I lost her. I also don’t feel like people want me posting in their thread. I just get that vibe you get when you don’t feel like you’re wanted in that situation.. like people go quiet when I post and they might not fully reply or even just reply with things that are impossible to come up with a response to. That probably doesn’t make sense but I feel like I’m bothering people so much Smiley Sad

I might come back, I don’t know. It depends what happens to me. But it’s not going to change the fact that people don’t want me here. It’s like how me and Macy were.. she was everything to me, I loved her more than my mum and tbh I was nothing to her. I feel similar with a few people here.
I’m sorry