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Re: TW: Major trust issues, and self-hate is catching up to me

Haha, yes, I will! Smiley Tongue Smiley Very Happy

@lost_Space_Explorer5 yeah... its kinda bad atm...

I haven't tried that before, but in a way, I would then feel guilty for making little me see what I do now, and then when I comfort her, I feel bad and ashamed of myself for saying or doing those things, and it just goes on and on in a cycle of shame and sadness...

I like the idea of it though. its a good way to imagine what decisions can be made about some things...

yeah...
I know that... Its not fun.
I know that you think I'll end up getting worse and worse with this sort of stuff, but I don't think I' depressed enough to actually hurt myself. The worst harm I could do to myself, is purposely not taking good enough care of my body. Especially because of my health condition.
But you're right, people can get worse, but I'm hoping that I can get that letter I'm gonna write tomorrow, to someone soon. Maybe to my youth leader, or I'll wait until I'm at school to get it delivered to a particular teacher.

If that doesn't prove that I need help enough, then I don't know what will apart from purposely letting the writing on my wrists show for others to see...

I promise I'll be safe, okay? I know how hard it is to recover, and I promise I won't physically harm myself in that way. Heart

Haha, yeah they would be! I actually called my mum before, asking when she thought she'd be home. I ended up telling here that we'd be in the lounge room, but to act surprised if my siblings are still awake by then.

I'm glad I could do this, though. I'm too lazy to move my blankets until tomorrow... (¬‿¬)
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Re: TW: Major trust issues, and self-hate is catching up to me

Haha well that's good you're all allowed to have another 'sleepover' in the lounge room! Smiley Tongue I hope someone helps you out when you give them the letter! Smiley Happy I'm glad to hear you're safe. Hmm I'm not sure I'd agree that self-harm is a measure of 'how depressed' someone is. People cope in different ways. I mean, nowhere in the DSM does it say a symptom of depression is self harm.. Besides, it isn't right to compare people to each other, to see who's suffering 'the most', what do you think?

 

I've found the KHL depression info page, I don't know if you've come across the 'criteria' for depression but in case you haven't/are curious, you can check it out. Not as a diagnostic thing, just because nowhere does it say you have to be acting on your thoughts of hurting yourself to 'be depressed'

 

I don't mean to link this to seem like I'm explaining things to you, I don't really know much about abnormal psych (I avoid it at all costs at uni!) but I just wanted to emphasise that what you are going through is just as valid as everyone else. Even if you're keeping yourself safe and hiding your struggles Smiley Sad It doesn't mean you're not going through a lot- you're still thinking and feeling these things Smiley Sad You deserve help just as much as everyone else

 

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Re: TW: Major trust issues, and self-hate is catching up to me

Hey @xXLexi_Lou122Xx

I am really really glad to hear that you are gonna write that letter and get it to someone soon Heart It's still really important to take care of yourself, especially when you're feeling down. Do you often purposely not take good care of your body as a way to hurt yourself?

I had a conversation about this with one of my friends the other day, where we were talking about how hard it can be to ask for help. She spoke about how, when she was a little younger, she felt about not knowing what would prove that she needs help.But she reflected that, sometimes you just need to tell people what's going on for them to get it. Unfortunately everyone can get caught up in their own lives, and so it can be hard to see when the people around them are struggling. I think you writing that letter is a brilliant idea, because it let's people know what's going on for you, without them having to guess Heart You're doing such a brave thing, and you should be really proud of yourself!!

How was the rest of your night? did you enjoy chilling under all those blankets? Smiley Happy)

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Re: TW: Major trust issues, and self-hate is catching up to me

@lost_Space_Explorer5 it's okay, you aren't telling me in the way I hate.

I didn't exactly mean like that, but I have no way of actually hurting myself. At least, not in that way.

I feel that others are more important than me, because of my past school. Other kids were "more important" or had "worse problems" than me. Even when I was probably about to try to commit... despite not ever being able to scratch myself on purpose.

I guess that's why I feel like I'm not valid in any situation, even though I'm so tired of being the strong one, for everyone.

Thanks for the link, even if I already know the core symptoms and additional symptoms, I'm still curious.

Right now, I just want to go and curl up in nest if blankets and cry. I just feel so bad right now...

I'm watching the Hobbit atm, but when it's finished, I'm going to go to sleep. I don't know how much longer I can keep going with this hiding my feelings...
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Re: TW: Major trust issues, and self-hate is catching up to me

@xXLexi_Lou122Xx sorry I don’t think I’m much help but if it makes you feel better, I feel the same Smiley Sad
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Re: TW: Major trust issues, and self-hate is catching up to me

@Andrea-RO Yeah...
I hope the letter will reveal that I'm not okay. I just need to choose which person I want to give my letter to, and if they would have to report what's happening or not.

I don't not take care of myself on purpose, because my parents would be extremely worried if I kept passing out all the time. If I didn't do any self care, like doing fun things and stuff, that's what I do. I don't do self-care in that form.

Sometimes I don't eat enough, or drink enough water. But that's not intentional, most of the time. Normally it'll be because I was busy or something.

Yeah... I figured that a lot of people are caught up in their own lives. But I'm also scared of what it will take to prove that I need help. Or at least that I need to see someone about the problem...

The only other thing I could do, is let my sleeves on my jumper stay up, and let anyone who sees my wrists read what I wrote... But I don't have the guts to do that..

Last night was okay. It was cold this morning though! I didn't want to get up it was that cold!

I love my minky blankets!
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Re: TW: Major trust issues, and self-hate is catching up to me

@Bananatime04 it's okay. I'm just glad that you're here.

I have to keep watching the movie now, but I'll talk more tomorrow. At least, when I get the chance.
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Re: TW: Major trust issues, and self-hate is catching up to me

Okay, I hope you enjoy your movie and hope you feel better soon

Goodbye
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Re: TW: Major trust issues, and self-hate is catching up to me

I am sorry to hear that you are feeling bad and that you want to curl up and cry @xXLexi_Lou122Xx. It sounds like you there has been a bit on your mind lately. I think writing the letter and letting someone read it is really brave and strong of you. Hopefully you are able to pass it on to someone that you feel comfortable with. Is there anyone in particular that you are thinking of?

It is a shame that you are not feeling valid in situations as you are used to being the strong one that people turn to. I can imagine that can be reallly difficult for you at times as it can be so hard to help everyone out at times, even in moments when you yourself need some help. I hope that you can soon allow yourself the chance to receive the support that you truly desire Heart

Hopefully you are enjoying watching the Hobbit, is that helping you feel a bit better tonight?
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Re: TW: Major trust issues, and self-hate is catching up to me

I'm sorry you're going through such a hard time at the moment @xXLexi_Lou122Xx.. Smiley Sad I hope you enjoy the movie at least.. and get to snuggle up in some comfy blankets! I had to look up what a minky blanket is lol- are they just super soft blankets?