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Re: TW: Major trust issues, and self-hate is catching up to me

Okay, goodnight Heart
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Re: TW: Major trust issues, and self-hate is catching up to me

Good luck @xXLexi_Lou122Xx Heart
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Re: TW: Major trust issues, and self-hate is catching up to me

@Bananatime04thank you! Heart

I’ll post this update in a bit, but it might take a while, its a bit long... Smiley Tongue

 

Heart Pain makes you Stronger, Tears make you Braver, and Heartbreaks make you Wiser. So thank the past for a better future. Heart

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Re: TW: Major trust issues, and self-hate is catching up to me

Okay, here is an update of what has happened over the past few weeks. Beware, it will be a bit long!

So, I went on a virtual camp, and it helped me a lot with my depression and sadness for a while. My depression will come back, because it always does at assessment time, there’s nothing I can do about it unfortunately... Oh well.

Last Friday, I had another syncopal episode, and it was kind of traumatising, but I’ll be okay.
So last Friday, I had a physio appointment before school. I went to the physio, got the exercises I needed to do, and then ran some other errands. Those errands consisted of: buying my bridesmaids dress, which I can’t wear until October, because the wedding has been postponed because the QLD borders are closed to NSW and VIC. Oh well, more time to get my dress altered, and organise what is happening with my hair and makeup! Smiley Happy
Then, I got my Telehealth appointment for my blood test results done. My iron levels are so much better now, I can start taking my tablets once a week. At least it won’t hurt me to take them when I do that. Smiley Happy
And then I went to school, towards the end of 2nd period.

When I arrived, I was already tired and feeling unwell from the past few weeks, because I had to stay up late and wake up early, as I do to get to school on time. I make it to last period, with a break in between 3rd and last period. I am so tired by then, that I decided to sit out of HPE, which I had last. I got changed for nothing, literally. I got changed, and then sat out the entire lesson anyway. Smiley Frustrated
The lesson finishes, and my class head back to the change rooms to get changed to go home.
Everyone else leaves, and I am the only one left in the change rooms. The teacher is waiting for everyone else to leave, so she can lock up. But I haven’t come out yet, so she comes in to check if anyone is left. I have passed out in the time it takes for her to come in and check for anyone. She then finds me on the floor, and I have just woken up.
It’s kinda scary, when that happens. Because if you like to think about particular things, like me, it can become very haunting and traumatising when you do. I have been thinking about what the teacher looked like, felt like, and what she was doing, while I was laying there. And she sounded so worried, even though I’ve told all my sport/HPE teachers about my health condition.
Maybe its because she’s never seen one of MY episodes? I don’t know. But thats what’s been haunting me for a week and a bit now.

The physio exercises I have been given, are causing my knee to hurt even more than it did before I started physio. So my mum is going to try and get a hold of my physiotherapist, and ask questions about what to do in the mean time. I’m going to be wearing my brace, but its still really annoying and really really painful.. Smiley Sad


That’s all that has really happened, except that I went to youth group on Friday night, and church has started meeting up fortnightly, too. I really missed seeing everyone!

So yeah, that’s how things have been this past few weeks.
I’ve also been very very tired, which doesn’t help anything, and my head has been hurting for a while now. I’m hoping that I don’t pass out because of it, because having too much pain can cause other problems for me... Smiley Sad

I also signed up for the school talent show, which my school started last year, and I get to perform in it twice! I’ll be doing a song, and my friend will also be performing with me. She’ll be rapping, as part of the song. I am also performing with the drama club, too, which should be fun. I came up with some funny comedy skits we could do, to try to win... Smiley Wink

I turn 15 on Wednesday! I can’t wait! Smiley Happy


Heart Pain makes you Stronger, Tears make you Braver, and Heartbreaks make you Wiser. So thank the past for a better future. Heart

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Re: TW: Major trust issues, and self-hate is catching up to me

Hey @xXLexi_Lou122Xx you have been busy! Sounds like you've got a lot on, some really cool things like virtual camp, being a bridesmaid, church and youth group, and also the school talent show! That is all awesome stuff Smiley Very Happy 

I'm sorry you had another syncopal episode last week and that it was quite traumatic, have you found that teachers at your school are usually helpful with this? It sounds like this teacher maybe wasn't really sure what to do even though you had already made the effort to speak to them about it which must be frustrating. I'm sorry to hear too that you have been really tired recently, it is amazing what you have been able to achieve despite this Cat Very Happy

 

ALSO Happy Birthday for tomorrow!!! How exciting! Have you got any plans for celebrating?

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Re: TW: Major trust issues, and self-hate is catching up to me

I’m so sad and overwhelmed rn

I hate being in my maths class. They get so loud, they don't show respect to the teacher or to anyone else, and I’m always having a sensory overload from how loud it is. I just want to yell at them, to shut the f up. And tell my teacher how unhappy I am at her, for moving my assignment group to people who dont do any of the correct work and never do anything in Maths. I just want to be with my friends. Maybe I’d get more work done, if thats what happened...

Does anyone have any tips to cope with noise-sensory overload? @Tiny_leaf?

I am literally about to start crying, but no one notices anyway...

@Hannah-RO I’ll respond after school, when I’m less stressed out...
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Re: TW: Major trust issues, and self-hate is catching up to me

Hey @xXLexi_Lou122Xx , that sounds really tough to cope with Smiley Sad Do you think your teacher would be open to moving you into another group if you have a chat with her? The sensory overload sounds like it must be the last straw for you at the moment - I haven't tried these myself, but I do know some people who use noise muffling ear plugs to make things a bit more manageable, something like this  might help a bit?

 

 

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Re: TW: Major trust issues, and self-hate is catching up to me

@xXLexi_Lou122Xx I normally just try to stim in some other way until the noise goes...

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Re: TW: Major trust issues, and self-hate is catching up to me

@Hananh-RO yeah, I was VERY busy!

Well... My teachers already knew about my episodes, yes, but I can understand why she was particularly concerned about me. It’s not really frustrating, its more haunting, because I hate worrying people. It was probably the fact that she hadn’t seen me have one before, and it was also the first one I’d had in a while. I’m doing better now, weeks later. I guess its just something that happens, after every episode. But now, I have ways of trying to stop an episode happening at all, even if it means that I miss out on some sport time. But that’s okay, I hate doing touch football for HPE anyway. I much prefer basketball or netball. Smiley Wink

I’m still very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very tired, but I don’t know why. It’s really annoying, and its also a reason that I have episodes too... Oh well, I guess it happens, so I just live with it. Smiley Frustrated

My birthday was a few weeks ago, but it was pretty good. I got 168 copic pens, or at least the good pens you can get for art, but much cheaper, a bunch of art supplies, some books, and some clothes. Also a bunch of money, which was good. I think I received around $160 within my birthday week... Smiley Happy I’m saving as much as I can, and I’ll be spending a little bit of it on snacks or something when I need to, after school.

My family and I decided to have Indian for dinner, and then one the weekend, we invited my mums parents, and my cousins and uncles (and their girlfriends) over for dinner and cake. It was good, I enjoyed it, despite having school the next day. I also went to an arcade, near my school on the Saturday, which was good. I used $100 that my mum let me use, and I won some good prizes. I am starting a “POP!” Figurine collection, which will build up over many years, because of the arcade. Smiley Happy
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Re: TW: Major trust issues, and self-hate is catching up to me

@Janine-RO I don’t think she would have (the assignments over now), but it really frustrates me, because she said I was complaining about my group when she moved me. So I just gave up and refused to go with my group. They did the measurements for me, and I continued the assignment from the classroom.

I had a look at those earplugs, and I’d love to try them, but I don’t want to waste my parents money anymore than I already have. And I’d need to be able to hear the teacher when I need to anyways, as much as I would love to shut the noise out.
My teacher has been letting me listen to music in class though, while we’re working through worksheets, even if it doesn’t help much...

Thank you for the suggestion though, I’ll keep that in mind when I finally get a job (which will be soon, I hope).