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Re: TW: Moving Schools, Hating myself so much, Parents not caring, leaving my real friends + support

Hey @xXLexi_Lou122Xx 

 

I have just been catching up on posts and wanted to check in. I can hear how let down you feel about changing schools, which is understandable, you have been so resilient to get through everything, and now feel in a place where you feel you have some connection, and now that is all changing.

 

I know you spoke about self hate and that is something I and I am sure others here can relate to, it can feel like an ongoing battle.  From what I can see you really are a fighter! Feeling let down by your parents makes perfect sense, it can be really hard when you feel like decisions are made outside of your control. Asking the question about why they made this decision and how they are going to support you with your mental health is extremely valid and brave! 

 

How are you feeling today ?

Re: TW: Moving Schools, Hating myself so much, Parents not caring, leaving my real friends + support

Hey @Claire-RO
Thank you for checking in with me.

Yeah, I have been a bit let down. Not just by my parents decision. A lot has made me feel let down, but I won't bother sharing, I'm too exhausted to bother typing it all out.

It is a bit saddening, when I had a special connection, and then it gets changed all over again. For some reason, this always happens to me. I'm going to be okay though. I just need to get used to it. But then again, I'm already used to it.

Yeah, Self-Hate is a big thing with everyone really. But I think I'm the only one in my family that expresses it the most. Sure some of my family will feel it and think it, but I think I feel it the most.

I've decided to not ask my parents this question, because they will just say the same things every other time I've asked. Otherwise I would have been brave.

I'm not too bad today. For once in my life, I finished my English assignment before the due date, and I feel like I've actually accomplished something! I'm about to send it in today, as My teacher said I can, so that should be good.

I've never finished an assignment and felt good about it, because of how rushed I'd be to get it done and handed in.

Re: TW: Moving Schools, Hating myself so much, Parents not caring, leaving my real friends + support

I'll be honest here.
I now want to cry, and be close to someone other than my parents. I feel like snuggling into someone and crying.

I have never really done that before, because everyone I've needed has always been away or not available to do this with.

I'm sure that with you older people who are in relationships would know what it's like to snuggle into your partners shoulder and cry.







I've spoken about this in past threads, but every time I've needed to, I missed my time to do it and became emotionally masked. It's like I have a time frame to do it in, and if I miss my time to do it, I become worse then I already am. but instead of showing it, I'll mask myself.

I'll bottle it up. With no way of letting it out. Something is wrong with me, I don't know what. But I'm going to have to get over it soon. I must be happy at my new school next year.

Re: TW: Moving Schools, Hating myself so much, Parents not caring, leaving my real friends + support

Hey @xXLexi_Lou122Xx, sorry for the late reply - I can really feel the pain and hurt you must be going through at the moment. It's also hurting me deep inside my heart too Smiley Sad. You mentioned that you feel like you want to snuggle with someone and cry, right? While it's kinda impossible to do that with us here on the forums (me just imagining crying to my computer screen now looks a bit weird and crazy hahahaha), I'm still sending you virtual hugs and a virtual shoulder to cry on Smiley Happy.

Anyway, there was also another thing you've written in an earlier post that caught my eye, "...but knowing that you (@Taylor-RO) are here for me is enough to feel like I'm a little stronger. That includes everyone else here who is supporting me too". I think what you've said here really shows how strong and brave you are despite al these tough times you're going through at the moment! And because of that, I truly believe in you. You've got this Smiley Happy. Feel free to keep us updated on how you're going - I'll try to think of other ways I can support you through this tough time Smiley Happy.
_________________________________________________________
Hope is just around the corner; you think it's not there when you first look straight ahead, but it actually is when you turn around

Re: TW: Moving Schools, Hating myself so much, Parents not caring, leaving my real friends + support

Hey @Esperanza67

Thank you for empathising with me.
I can just see that happening....
Me crying into a computer screen, and imagining you hugging your screen does seem a bit wacky!
That made me smile.

You don’t have to worry about supporting me, but if you’re here to listen then I appreciate it even more. Just you guys listening is enough for me.

As much as you think I have got this, I still think I’m weak and worthless. But I know I will make it through, with you guys online here. And if I can get some learning supports next year, I won’t feel so troubled and stressed to get everything done.



Thank you for being here everyone. I know I will be okay with you all behind my back. Smiley Happy

Re: TW: Moving Schools, Hating myself so much, Parents not caring, leaving my real friends + support

@xXLexi_Lou122XxIt sounds like the feelings around moving schools and your parents have been really intense for you. I hear that you're feeling quite negatively about yourself, which is such a difficult place to sit in. Is there anything we can do to help this feeling?

I'm sorry to hear your GO didn't seem to have much time for you Smiley Sad
Bugger that your parents have tried and didn't have any success. Feeling like your parents aren't listening and didn't keep their promise would be very hard to cope with. I'm sorry your feeling this way.

It's okay to have those fears. They are valid feelings and fears about moving schools.
I do wonder if there would be any positive effects of moving schools, aside from the extra help, maybe there might be other people who experience similar things, or the chance to create more/new friends?

I also wanted to reiterate the same thing that @Esperanza67  said about this post: "...but knowing that you (@Taylor-RO)  are here for me is enough to feel like I'm a little stronger. That includes everyone else here who is supporting me too". This is incredibly heartwarming to read, knowing how tough things are for you and reading this highlights to me your strength and determination, sure things are sucky and you feel really bad right now, but it tells me you want things to change, and are open to the support to make that happen. Heart Heart Heart

 


We reflected on the joys of 2019


Remember you're amazing just as you are Heart

Re: TW: Moving Schools, Hating myself so much, Parents not caring, leaving my real friends + support

Thank you @Bee.

I'm sorry, but I will reply properly when I have the capacity to. I have an exam tomorrow, and the rest of my assignments due tomorrow.

I was a little bashed up today, but by accident. I was in HPE, and someone was passing a ball to me, but they were too strong and too close to me. It ended up smashing into the side of my face, right where my jaw was. I'm okay now, but it did hurt. I also tripped on an edge at school. My ankle is a bit bruised, but it's okay. I was running away from someone, playfully, but karma got in my way! Smiley Happy

I just finished revising for my math exam tomorrow, and I've already had my science exam today. That didn't go so well, but oh well. I will improve next year.

Re: TW: Moving Schools, Hating myself so much, Parents not caring, leaving my real friends + support

You're welcome @xXLexi_Lou122Xx Smiley Happy
Reply when you can, that is absolutely okay

I hope your exam goes well tomorrow.

Ouch! Sounds like it was painful. I'm glad though that you're okay now Smiley Happy

 


We reflected on the joys of 2019


Remember you're amazing just as you are Heart

Re: TW: Moving Schools, Hating myself so much, Parents not caring, leaving my real friends + support

Okay, I'm back, but very flustered and tired.

I honestly don't really know anymore. If any of you could help, I would love it. But if it's you all trying to tell me how special I am and how I am perfect the way I am, then there's no point in telling me. I won't believe it myself.

And I've sort of passed my little time frame of needing to cry into someone's shoulders. Now I'm like an emotionless wreck. But I'll be okay. One day.

It's fine. There are people who need her more than me. I'm not important to her anyway.
My parents shouldn't have gone back on their word, but I can't really change it. They were going to send me there anyway, but didn't intend on telling me till holidays. But again, I don't really care. I have no power in this situation.

I honestly doubt that anyone will have the same experiences or similar. And I guess I don't really intend on making friends anymore. I'll just put a mask on, and not bother with them. As my mum says, "Friends are just a bonus, education is more important" Unless it is fate that I make a friend for the rest of my schooling, I don't think I'll bother.

I guess...
But I'll still never be as strong as you think I am. Or at least, I'll never believe it. I hate myself too much to believe that sort of positive thing.

To make things worse, I had my Math exam today, and I thought I was prepared. I wasn't really, because I only got 4 out of the 10 questions done. All the others were so hard, and my teacher didn't teach my class those particular questions. It really annoys me when that happens, so I guarantee that I failed. The same with Science yesterday.

But I did get my English grades back, and I'm super proud of myself for that. I got a straight A for it, and it's the only assignment I've felt good about! But that's only one good thing of today... Smiley Sad

Re: TW: Moving Schools, Hating myself so much, Parents not caring, leaving my real friends + support

Hey @xXLexi_Lou122Xx, it sounds like you are feeling quite powerless right now.. would you say that is accurate? It is hard to go through things that we feel we have no control over. As a young person, our parents often make choices for us and that in itself can be very hard to sit with.  It sounds like there is a lot of change going on in your life but most of it is about losing the connections you fought so hard to build. I know how important it is for you to have a special person you can be yourself around Heart I have hope that you can rebuild these connections again if you do move schools. 

 

Well done on achieving a really great mark in English. We all have strengths and weaknesses especially when it comes to schooling. I know a lot of people who really struggle in a school setting but flourish in other types of settings. Is there anyone who can help you with homework or material in class if you feel that you are struggling? (Or is this one of the motivations for changing schools?). We all need some extra support and help at times - doing so much learning all in one day is tough work. I am glad you find people listening to you helpful. We are always around to hear you out Heart