Hi, I’m not really sure how I’m supposed to start this off, so I guess I’ll just jump right in. I was born into a middle-class family and lived a pretty fortunate life. However, there were some very dark periods that I went through. My mother was anorexic in her teen years and it’s a mental disorder that can be passed down genetically. This leads to mine. I was only in seventh grade when I was molested by two boys during computer lab. One of which I had a crush on; he held a high focus on bodies like my mom. I jumped between anorexia to bulimia to binge eating disorder for so long. I still struggle but all it does is ruin my life. I’ve ruined my life. It began with anxiety though. Horrible anxiety that made me physically ill. Eventually, after the eating disorders I became suicidal because I was already very depressed. After years of wanting to end my own life, I began harming myself. I was going to end it all but I decided not to when I thought about my dog. I’m not here for sympathy or replies. I’m just here to share the things I’ve never said so I don’t have to hold on as much. I’m afraid of myself and I don’t know who I am anymore, I just want to disappear. I’m sorry you had to read all of this it probably wasn’t worth it, just scroll by, seriously I just couldn’t bottle it up anymore and I’m scared to death to tell anyone so I thought I’d let out the whole truth here. Sorry again. I hope you’ll at least feel less alone if nothing else
Hi @UnloveablePenguin, thanks for reaching out for support. It sounds like you have been through a lot and I can't imagine what this has been like for you. I can tell how distressing and hurtful this has all been for you and understandably so. This has had a major impact on your life and lead you to harm yourself and think of ending your life. We are all glad that you are still here fighting and surviving each day. I know you mentioned that talking is scary, have you talked to anyone about what has been happening for you? Do you have any support through this? If you do feel like acting on thoughts to harm or end your life, we recommend contacting your local emergency services.
Unfortunately I had to edit some details out of your post as it is due to our community guidelines around graphic details. I also moved your post into the Tough Times section of the forum instead to be mindful of our other members in the community. Please keep an eye on your emails, I will be sending one through
Dude(tte) the fact that you just stepped up and shared this here is already a big step. Don't feel like is unimportant and that we need to scroll by, because we are all here for the same reasons.
You say your mom went through something similar through her teenager ages, maybe try to talk with her about it if you can. There's no need to come out at once and tell her everything all at once. Maybe try to break in the topic little by little: ask her how she dealt with her, what helped her.
I'm sorry that this is a far as my (unhelpful but honest) advice abilities can get. I hope that everything can start getting better for you.