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TW: No one cares about me

Hey all,

 

Sorry I haven't been on the forums for a while now. I moved out of home for work interstate a few months back. I finished uni last year and started a grad job. I left my friends and family back home and I have no one here. I feel really lonely and isolated. I suffer from severe depression and anxiety and I have been on medications for that for a long time now.

 

I love my job but I dread going to work everyday. It's a struggle to get out of bed every morning and go to work. It's only been a few months since I got my diagnoses for Autism Spectrum Disorder and ADHD. I have been having a hard time accepting that. I haven't disclosed these at work and if I did, I think that it will lead to more harm than good. I have been pretending everyday that things are fine when they are not and it's really draining.

 

I tried making friends here but it didn't work out. They all were supportive at the start but once they found out about the diagnoses, they isolated me. People only talk to me if they need something from me. I made the effort to go out after work every week but this week they completely cut me off. They all went out last night and I was the only one not invited. This is not the first time but it still hurts.

 

I have drifted apart from my friends back home too. I tried staying in touch but they stopped replying to my messages. I have always been the first one to initiate contact, but I don't get anything out of it. They said that they would be there for me but their actions show otherwise. The most recent example is me texting my friend and he hasn't replied in more than two weeks now. It's not the first time and he only messages me if he wants something from me. I know that people can be busy but it still hurts. 

 

Both my friends back home and at work have time for each other and not for me. It is pretty clear that no one cares about me.

 

I am tired and I feel really burnt out. I haven't had a break in 31 months now and I don't think I can get one anytime soon. I suffer from chronic pain too. It has been going on for more than a year now. I saw a pain specialist last week and they said that nothing can be done. It was my last hope at getting better, but that's gone now. They said that I have to live with pain and it's in my head. I have been doing all I can to help with pain: seeing a physiotherapist, medications and going to the gym, but nothing is helping. 

 

I am seeing a psychologist and I have a good GP but that's the only support I have. I am all on my own and even though I try to distract myself with work, it doesn't help. I have tried everything I can and I guess I am a lost cause. My diagnoses cannot be fixed, I will always be in pain and no one cares about me and what I do.

 

I am safe but I don't know what to do anymore. I struggle with life every single day and I have lost all hope. I am on my own and I know that no one cares. I am different and damaged beyond repair. Sorry for the long winded post.

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Re: TW: No one cares about me

Hey there @skyfireinferno99, welcome back Smiley Happy

 

Yay to getting a job! It's fantastic to hear that you're loving it. Even though we can love what we do, sometimes it is hard to get out of the bed and actually get there. Sometimes I find reminding myself of the positivities of the job or outing helpful in getting me to go, do you think that's something that might work for you? 

 

I'm so sorry to hear that your friends have been isolating you, especially after hearing about your diagnosis'. Although it didn't work out, I'm proud of you for trying to make friends at your new place Smiley Happy Do you feel like you'd be able to try again and visit a club or event to try and meet new people? 

 

It is hard feeling burnt out and not being able to take a break. If you could go or do anything for a break, what would you like to do? You are never a lost cause. Even though it doesn't feel like it, there are people out there who care. We are 100% here to listen. Do you think when you see your psych next, you would be able to share this with them? They may be able to provide some practical strategies you could try. What do you think? 


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I am finishing with ReachOut this week, say good-bye here. I'll miss you all!

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Re: TW: No one cares about me

Hi @skyfireinferno99,

Welcome back to the forums! Sounds like you're going through a difficult period.
I actually moved straight out of home interstate for a graduate job too a couple of years ago, so I can relate to some of what you're saying. At the time I actually was struggling a lot more with my mental health than I actually realised and the job didn't work out for me.

I'm sorry that your diagnoses have made it really hard to make friends. I just want you to know that you don't owe anyone anything. If you feel that you would be better off not telling your friends or workplace about your diagnoses, then you are so within your rights to do so. Even if it is for the short term, until you feel more comfortable and you've built up more trust. It's such a shame that many people only understand ADHD or ASD in terms of stereotypes or stigma.

Sounds like there is so much going on in your life: a move, struggling with friends, the pressures of work, staying in contact with people, the chronic pain, and new diagnoses. I'm wondering if it would be helpful to pick one thing to work on at once? When I'm feeling overwhelmed, it helps me to pick on thing I can do about 1 problem. If I try and tackle a bunch of things at once I just feel really worn out.

I'm sorry, but I'm going to challenge your statement that "No one cares about me". I have these thoughts sometimes, too. The only way to know what is going on with your friends is to speak to them about how you feel. Maybe you could pick the friend you're closest to and call them? If you phrased it as "I really need to speak to you, I'm going through a tough time and would really appreciate your support" they might be more receptive. In my experience, people tend to think you're doing fine unless you tell them otherwise, especially if you don't live in the same place.

If you let people know that you're not doing so well (a trusted few people, rather than everyone), then they can rally and help you. How does that sound?

____________________________________________________
“Your now is not your forever."
― John Green, Turtles All the Way Down
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Re: TW: No one cares about me

Hey @Jay-RO 

 

Thanks for replying. I love my job and it's related to what I did at uni. Training has finished and work is a bit slow at the moment. I have to wait until I get assigned to a project. If I don't have anything to do, I keep thinking about how bad things are. Some positive things about my job are that everyone is welcoming at the workplace and we get a lot of opportunities. I am tired of life and I dread getting out of bed. I have to support myself so I push through that and make it to work everyday.

 

I never had friends growing up and I was bullied quite a lot in school because I was different. The first time I ever had friends was when I started uni. Opening up to them about my struggles pushed them away. They got sick of me and ended up abandoning me eventually. The same happened with work friends. It was going well until the mask came off and I opened up to them. It hasn't been the same since then. They ended up isolating me too. All my friendships are one-sided. I am the only one putting in all the effort and I get nothing in return.

 

Going out to events and clubs is not an option for me unfortunately. It's really hard in loud and crowded places and it brings on sensory overload. I have to wear noise cancelling headphones quite often when I have to do things like grocery shopping or walking to work.

 

No one cares about me and I know that I am a lost cause because chronic pain, ASD and ADHD cannot be fixed. With everything that happened in the past few months, the evidence confirms that no one cares and I am a lost cause.

 

If I could take a break, I want to switch off and not worry about things. I don't want to think about how shit my life is. I want to spend time with someone who cares and talk to them. I just want a break from everything to be honest.

 

I have talked to my psych about all of this and we have been working on it but yeah its pretty hard when I feel like this all the time. 

 

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Re: TW: No one cares about me

Hey @MisoBear 

 

Thanks for replying. Yeah it is a struggle living out of home. Last year I had three goals: graduating uni, finding a job and moving out of home. Now that I have achieved all of those, I don't know what to do anymore. I don't have a purpose or anything that I am working towards. I have been running on empty and living life on auto pilot.

 

I agree with you that it would be easier to work on one thing but I don't know what to do or how to start. I am stuck and lost and no one cares about me. Chronic pain, ASD and ADHD are permanent and they can't be fixed, so I will have to live like this.

 

I used to challenge the thought that no one cares about me. I tried reaching out to two of my closest friends and they ended up shutting me down. They said that they accepted me for who I am and that they will be there for me no matter what. When I reached out, one of them left me on seen and the other one hasn't replied for more than two weeks. They have time for everyone else but not for me. In my experience, when I opened up to people about my struggles, every single one of them abandoned me. I don't have many friends but I tried to keep up the friendships I have. It's my fault that I am not normal and that is the reason everyone leaves me. Something is fundamentally wrong with me and I am damaged beyond repair.

 

I don't know what I should make of it when people say that they are there for me but they abandon me when I try and reach out. It's not just one or two people, all my friends have done that. I am the only one trying and the friendships have become one-sided. I try all I can but I get nothing out of it.

 

I don't know what to do anymore. I feel so lonely and left out and I don't know what I did to deserve all this. I never try to intentionally hurt anyone. I am always nice to everyone but yeah I don't know what I am doing wrong.

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Re: TW: No one cares about me

Hi @skyfireinferno99, it is great to hear that you have a job that you love and is relevant to your education. Those opportunities can be hard to come by. Sometimes it can be hard to ignore the thoughts we have, especially if it is all the time. Have you ever tried mediation? It definitely takes practice but once you find your groove, it can be really beneficial. You can learn to let your thoughts be acknowledge but continue to float on like clouds. It sounds a little silly.. but it can help when you are feeling wrapped up in your thoughts. It really sucks that you have had those interactions with your friends and work colleagues. Connecting and relating to others can be such a challenge, so it is great that you have come back to the forums Smiley Happy Your friends not replying is probably nothing to do with you but more about them and whatever else they have going on. Have you expressed that you feel like the relationship is one-sided? Perhaps you could ask why they seem to be distancing themselves? It is such a tough situation and it easy to make our own conclusions but we can't truly know without hearing it directly from them.

It is also amazing to hear that you have a GP and psych. They are no easy steps to take. Have you thought of using any services like eHeadspace, Lifeline or Kids Helpline? A lot of people use these services in between appointments.. in fact, these services are there for you within your moments of distress. It can definitely provide that level of support that you might be seeking when you are struggling.. rather than wading it out till your next appointment Heart We are always here. I was just wondering, when you say 'I am tired of life and I dread getting out of bed', are you safe?

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Re: TW: No one cares about me

Hi @skyfireinferno99.

I just want to say that while having autism and adhd can't be cured, it's still possible to happy with both.

I'd suggest looking up the autism acceptance and neurodiversity movements, they have a much more positive and hopeful way of viewing autism.

I personally found it really helpful for me after I got diagnosed. It was nice to finally have a space where I could fit in. 

Honestly autism feels like a part of me, and I don't think I'd even want it to be cured at this point. I'd miss my special interests too much.

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Re: TW: No one cares about me

@skyfireinferno99 also, some chronic pain can be cured, and some can't, but there are lots of happy people with chronic pain.

Even if your pain is "just in your head", it's still pain. Psychosomatic pain is a thing, and it can have as much of an impact as "real" pain.

Please know that you deserve to be treated properly by your doctors, and that includes having your concerns being considered.

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Re: TW: No one cares about me

Hey @Taylor-RO  

 

Thanks for replying. Yeah I have tried meditation and I have used quite a few apps. I got tired of it though. I do acknowledge that my thoughts are coming in and I don't try to fight them. I can't do meditation. It's hard to do them because even doing a minute seems too long. I have been reading self help books and trying to adopt strategies from those to have a more organised life. Chronic pain makes it even harder to deal with life.

 

It does suck with what happened with my work colleagues. I want things to go back to how they were before I opened up but I know that it won't happen. It sucks to be the odd one out and not fit in. It doesn't affect how we work together as a team or the work we do, which is good for now. With my uni friends, I don't think I can ask them that, it's too confronting. I know that everyone is busy but I feel bad when they have time for other people but not me.

 

I have tried those online services that you mentioned but it didn't work out for me. I can't talk on the phone so the only option for me is chatting online. It's a hit and miss with the counsellor I get. It's also hard to keep explaining my situation over and over again and have that connection with them. The only time I have is outside of work and it's when the queues are too long and I can't get in to talk to someone. I have given up on online services for a bit. It's too much effort for me at the moment.

 

I do get regular appointments with my psychologist and in between those, I see my GP. My GP gives me long appointments to talk over things and she takes the time to listen.

 

Yeah I am safe. I am just tired of everything going on for me. I dread getting out of bed because of the pain, both physical and emotional. I haven't had a break in 31 months now and it's taking a toll on me.

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Re: TW: No one cares about me

Hey @Tiny_leaf 

 

Thanks for replying. I have been having a hard time accepting my diagnoses. I have always known that I am different and that something is wrong with me. Otherwise, I wouldn't have been treated the way I was growing up. Getting the diagnoses gave me some closure, but it's hard accepting that and I don't see any positives in it. No one is accepting of it and when people find out, they end up abandoning me. I feel broken and damaged beyond repair.

 

In terms of chronic pain, I waited months to get that appointment with the pain specialist. It only ended up invalidating my pain. Even if I wanted to see someone else and get a second opinion, there is a huge waiting list for that and I don't have the energy in me to do that. Pain impacts everything that I do. It keeps me up at night and I have to push myself harder to do things which I could do easily before I had pain. I have had scans done and they came out normal but I still feel pain everywhere. I have been going to my physiotherapist and the gym. No matter what I do, nothing improves and I don't think I can keep trying anymore.