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Re: TW: Overwhelmed and not getting the help I need

@Maddy-RO yeah... if I'm honest I don't know that much about it either - the NDIS isn't famous for it's transparency I think... 

My parents and I had to fight just to get sent the draft before the final decision was made.

 

It's.. not a payment exactly.

It's kind of like each participant gets allocated some money to use over the course of their plan.

The plans used to be yearly, but apparently now there's a push for them to only be renewed every two years, which is bad news for anyone with complex/ changing needs or who's been stuck with a totally insufficient plan.

You're only allowed to use certain money for certain things though.

 

Like, if the plan was monthly instead of yearly (because I can't be bothered doing the amount of maths for a year's worth), I might get $100 to pay for therapy, and $200 to pay for.. idk, a weighted blanket/ stim toys and stuff.

It would be my responsibility to make those funds last the entire month.

The problems come when I need $50 therapy sessions every week for that month.

And even if the weighted blanket only costed $90, I wouldn't be able to use the left over money for that to pay for the therapy sessions that I needed. 

And yeah.. that type of thing over a year is the NDIS..

 

 

And thank you! Zootopia would probably be my favorite movie, so I've practically memorized each frame Smiley Tongue

And the entire script....

Re: TW: Overwhelmed and not getting the help I need

Urrrrgh my brother's watching a cop show that's violent and so fucking racist.

Like I won't go into details for anyone who might find it triggering but just... it's not okay... and every single protagonist is white.

And the violence in it is causing a whole heap of unwanted memories to come back. 

 

But it's not safe for me to say this or ask him to turn it over because he'll get angry and aggressive, and my legs won't cooperate enough for me to move to another room.....

He's asleep now. Hopefully I won't get given shit for changing the channel on a tv he isn't even watching. 

Re: TW: Overwhelmed and not getting the help I need

He's woken up and hasn't been aggressive yet... hopefully this continues....

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Re: TW: Overwhelmed and not getting the help I need

Hey @Tiny_leaf 

 

Thanks for telling me a little about NDIS Smiley Happy. I now have a better understanding of what you're going through. It seems frustrating that certain money can only be used for certain things. On the bright side though - are you going to get a service dog? If so, do you know what breed it will be? I love animals Heart and service dogs are especially cute because they are so calm and gentle HeartHeart.

 

I'm glad your brother wasn't upset that you changed the channel last night! I'm also glad that he fell asleep for your sake - so that you could change it. Teehee. merciless evil laugh GIF

Re: TW: Overwhelmed and not getting the help I need

@Maddy-RO I will always be willing to talk about service dogs. Smiley Happy

I really really hope so... I'm working on art to sell online to raise some money for it, my parents are willing to help pay, and I think I've got enough to get the ndis to pay for at least part of the training.

 

If I get one, they'll be one of these teddy bears:

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They're called Lagotto Romagnolo or something like that. They're very smart, aren't aggressive and are hypo-allergic. Plus they're adorable. Smiley Happy

I even got to meet a breeder!! I've seen where the dogs puppies live and everything looks really good. They're a little bit spoiled actually, especially one blind, tiny poodle who has her own little bed right next to his.

Re: TW: Overwhelmed and not getting the help I need

I'm really struggling rn..

 

I've been accepted for assessment to maybe get into the youth psychosis program. Assuming they'll even take me.

The assessor (yup.. there seems to be about one) is apparently busy like 90% of the time, so atm I don't even know when I'll be able to be assessed.

I still don't know what shape this episode will eventually take. But I don't really want to be starting treatment after I've started wondering if my therapist actually exists, and this is looking like a real possibility.

I tried to brace myself against this, but all of the services I need take too long to access.

I tried to get everything in place while I was still somewhat stable but I have nothing. 😭

 

I respond to hallucinations thinking that they're real noises.

I ignore real noises thinking they're hallucinations.

I see an animal moving just on the edge of my vision, but when I stop to see my cats, no one's there.

I'm starting to see and hear the stuff that happened in my last lot of hallucinations, and I don't know if they're flashbacks or new hallucinations.

 

I'm probably not even making much sense here...

Probably because I haven't slept tonight. Idk how long I can continue like this, but I don't think I have any choice.... this is just too much

 

I stumble through
A constant mist.
A sharpening of colours.
A dulling of shapes.
An always-present ache
Just behind my eyes.
I pace,
Afraid of what will mould itself
From the emptiness before sleep.
Afraid of what will enter my dreams.
I write bad poetry because maybe,
If I trap it in words
It will stay there
And I will be able to close my eyes.

Re: TW: Overwhelmed and not getting the help I need

Hi @Tiny_leaf,

 

I'm so sorry you're going through so much pain right now. I can only imagine how overwhelming it must feel to hold all of these thoughts about your future in your mind, including treatments and accessing the services you need, while also dealing with hallucinations. 

 

I know everything is really, really tough for you right now. I'm wondering if we could brainstorm some ways you could be gentle with yourself right now? 

____________________________________________________
“Your now is not your forever."
― John Green, Turtles All the Way Down

Re: TW: Overwhelmed and not getting the help I need

@MisoBear I think so

Re: TW: Overwhelmed and not getting the help I need

Hey @Tiny_leaf 

 

I think you communicated how you feel really well - you definitely made sense. Thank you for sharing your poetry with us - is writing something you do to process emotions? You're working through some really significant life events and I appreciate how hard you tried to get everything in order while you were somewhat stable. It's important to recognise all the effort you have put in - slow access to services is a really frustrating aspect of trying to get help but you are trying your best and things are moving, even if it's slow. 

Re: TW: Overwhelmed and not getting the help I need

@Bre-RO yeah, it is.