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Re: TW: Permanent scars, not taking care of my health, losing emotions, and I just can't be okay rn.

Hi again @xXLexi_Lou122Xx! Sorry I haven't been on for a few days. I got some side effects from an antibiotic and it made me feel pretty sick.

I'm sorry you wanted to give up and about the hurtful rumours, but I'm so proud of you for making the decision to keep going. Heart

How are you feeling today?

Re: TW: Permanent scars, not taking care of my health, losing emotions, and I just can't be okay rn.

That's okay @WheresMySquishy.
And my mum is on the same kind of antibiotic that makes her feel sick too.

Thank you, and I guess they aren't what's making me feel bad atm.

I'm feeling a bit alone still, as I couldn't see my person to hold on to last night. She wasn't at Youth Group, so I was alone. I only went last night, to see her. We shall call her Nico. Her nephews were there, but it didn't help that I needed someone to cuddle and cry to. Now I can only see her at Church tomorrow, but she's always so busy with her job there that she doesn't have time for me. I can't even talk to some people about it either, because they don't listen.

I really want to give up. I'm crying, and wanting the hard times to go away.
Why did the rumours have to be spread while I was away on excursion? Why did Nico have to be away last night? Why do I have to be so alone at home, and anywhere else I go?

When can I feel okay?

I've been not okay for long enough. But the person I need is never around anymore. I'm just about ready to give up and let go. But I'm fighting it so bad right now. I have to live for everyone here, and for my American friend. I just don't know how to hang on any longer. I'm slowly losing my grip on the ledge of the cliff. At least I'm still hanging on. I can make it through this. I just don't know how to.

Yet.

I am safe btw.

//Nothing is impossible. The word itself says "I'm Possible"//

Re: TW: Permanent scars, not taking care of my health, losing emotions, and I just can't be okay rn.

Hi @xXLexi_Lou122Xx, it sounds like a really challenging and distressing situation to be in. Can you contact Nico outside of church/youth group hours? It is great that you have had this wonderful connection with them but it is difficult for you when they are not around. This is so understandable because you feel like they actually hear you and know what is going for you. This is such a very special thing, so I don't blame you for wanting to hold onto it. As you mention, people can get busy and so that is why it is important to rely on multiple supports. Please refresh my memory, are there any other services that you engage with when times get tough? You mention that you are unsure of how to make it through this.. what has got you through so far? You deserve to give yourself more credit. I am sure there are so many times where you have gotten through this by using your own strategies and self-care. You are more powerful and resilient than you feel at times.. a lot of people can relate to that. Can you think of any strategies you have previously used?

 

I also had to edit your post as you included some specific methods around suicide. Do you know whether your friend has any support? If they are considering suicide or harming someone else, it is best to direct to them to their local emergency services. Remember that it can be difficult to support someone while you are struggling too. Please take care of yourself Heart You can also offer them local support services -  anything to direct them towards support. If this conversation is too confronting or uncomfortable for you to have with them, you can urge them to speak to a trusted adult about it. I do have to log off for the night but I want to let you know that we are always here to listen Smiley Happy

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Re: TW: Permanent scars, not taking care of my health, losing emotions, and I just can't be okay rn.

@xXLexi_Lou122Xx  I hope your mum gets better!  My grandma was also on the same antibiotic and it made her feel sick as well. I'm counting down the days until I don't have to take it any more.

I'm really sorry that you couldn't see your special person. Smiley Sad Are you able to stay in touch when you can't see each other? Maybe you can exchange contact details.

It can also be really hard when one of your friends is struggling. Smiley Sad I think @Taylor-RO's advice is really great. All you can really do is be there for them, suggest that they contact a support service or tell a trusted adult and hope that things improve.

Please keep fighting! We love you so much. You're worth it. Heart

Re: TW: Permanent scars, not taking care of my health, losing emotions, and I just can't be okay rn.

I'm sorry guys...
I thought I replied. It must not have posted. Oh well.

I'm okay, but I have had trouble with my feelings. I feel the same way Bananatime04's feeling, but not harmfully. I know my worth, and it's okay to not be okay sometimes. But I've been not okay for long enough. And my special person probably won't be able to be with me anymore. Like @Tiny_leaf said in one of their threads, Probably is just as painful as any other word.

Nico is too busy for me. She's going away on a trip in term 4, and when I go to youth group, she will only be there when the junior group is on. that's every fortnight. from term 3.

If I can't see her, then who's my special person going to be?
I know someone who could be one, but I might not even be going to the same school next year.

I just have to figure out what the big decisions are in my life, and I'll figure it out soon. But for now, I'm going to try and take care of myself.

Until I find the right person for me. And maybe then, I can feel okay. Just for a little while.

Re: TW: Permanent scars, not taking care of my health, losing emotions, and I just can't be okay rn.

Hi @xXLexi_Lou122Xx 

 

I am sorry to hear that you can't see Nico as much, hopefully when you catch up fortnightly you can share with them what has been happening for you. 

 

It's really great to hear that you are going to focus on taking care of yourself, that is not always easy thing to do and shows courage and strength. You spoke about making sure you find the right person for you, which is really positive way to look at things.

 

You said that you think there may be someone who you could talk to more, but they may not be attending the same school next year, do you see them regularly now?

 

Re: TW: Permanent scars, not taking care of my health, losing emotions, and I just can't be okay rn.

@xXLexi_Lou122Xx sorry that responding took me ages, a lot's been happening..

I know how you feel about not being okay for long enough - it's really exhausting...

I'm sorry that I don't have much advice here, but I just wanted to say that I hear you, and I believe in you.

Re: TW: Permanent scars, not taking care of my health, losing emotions, and I just can't be okay rn.

That's okay @Tiny_leaf. These things happen.

I'm okay now. I've moved on. I've missed my opportunity to be vulnerable. To let out my feelings.
Scratch that.

I'm not okay. I'm emotionless with a mask of emotions.
I'm a fricking Mess.

But I don't care anymore.

Thank you for being here for me @Tiny_leaf. and thank you too, @Claire-RO.
But I did say that I might not be at the same school, not my chaplain.

I survived "The S.H.A.C.K." first 2 days. Now there's only tomorrow to survive, with a busted knee, and becoming very overtired.

Oh well. One more day. then I can sleep. for the rest of the week. Then preparation for the big intensive weekend rehearsal for the Musical.

yay.

Re: TW: Permanent scars, not taking care of my health, losing emotions, and I just can't be okay rn.

@xXLexi_Lou122Xx that sounds so difficult...

It's good that you'll get some rest after tomorrow. Is there anything you can do for your knee for now?

When I wasn't feeling anything it was because I was blocking everything out.. I'm not sure what to do when it just.. happens. 

Do you have any self care planned for after tomorrow? It sounds like the past few days have been really intense...

Re: TW: Permanent scars, not taking care of my health, losing emotions, and I just can't be okay rn.

Sorry @Tiny_leaf...
I don't have self-care for tomorrow, because I'm doing the same thing as the last 2 days. But after that, I should be able to. Drawing and stuff like that.