cancel
Showing results for 
Search instead for 
Did you mean: 
Highlighted

Re: TW: Permanent scars, not taking care of my health, losing emotions, and I just can't be okay rn.

Hey @xXLexi_Lou122Xx ,

 

Sounds like there's a lot going on for you at the moment. I can imagine that would be super overwhelming but I know you have the strength to push through, you've been through so much and always come out the other side! 

 

It can be super difficult when you have to get tests done. I know I always think of the worst possible conclusion and freak myself out. There is always the possibility that the worst will happen, but there is also the possibility that it won't. I try to remember that me worrying about it is not going to change a single thing, so I'm better to try and get on with things (this is hard but I promise it becomes easier with practice!). 

 

Urgh, that kid sounds super annoying. It's not your fault for taking what this kid said the dirty way, and your ex-best friend shouldn't blame you for "taking things the wrong way". Do you think it's possible this kid is saying these things to get a reaction out of you? 

____________________________________________________
“Your now is not your forever."
― John Green, Turtles All the Way Down
Highlighted

Re: TW: Permanent scars, not taking care of my health, losing emotions, and I just can't be okay rn.

Hey @Puppies026, @Maddy-RO.

I guess I'm not really too worried about it, just at the back of my mind.
I have definitely not googled anything, but I can only imagine not being able to do the fun things I do, like sport, if I do actually have a problem causing me to pass out.
I'll be okay some time though...

I really don't think I can be okay in my own arms. Obviously, everyone needs a person to talk to. And my person probably doesn't exist when I need them. But oh well. I'll live. If nobody can be there for me, then I have to live with that. I can't change what people can and can't do.

Today was absolute crap.
My classes were loud and inconsiderate of other people, and rehearsal was the crappiest of all.
Yet another person tried to take away my part in the final number. It hurts a lot, when they don't talk to the choreographer and person who got that part first. Especially when they say to the person who got the part
"Oh, and by the way, we're replacing you with such and such, because they can do it 'better' than you".

I'm probably better than the other girl, and no one has the right to take away another persons part without asking. I know that she isn't the teacher, but I still feel bad. The girl that told me this, is a lead role for this production. All the leads, except for the main lead, think they can change whatever they want. Because they're seniors. They are complete ass holes.

But apart from those terrible events, I had a recall blood test, and got to have a nice breakfast with my mum before school, after the blood test. We went to the bakery, and got a mock cream and jam donut. I got an Iced Coffee too.

That's about all I've got for today, even though I rambled on about the bull crap people do. :/
Highlighted

Re: TW: Permanent scars, not taking care of my health, losing emotions, and I just can't be okay rn.

Oof. Sorry @MisoBear, I must've missed your reply.

I guess I have come through a lot...

Yeah, I know that feeling. I normally do, and when I do pass out, I usually get haunted by it for a long time in the carers perspective after the episode. Which sucks, but I try not to think about it.

Yeah, he could be. But he is obviously doing it so that I go and report him. But I don't. I don't have the time. But I'll email my year co, and tell him that has been happening. The boy will get a punishment to suit him alright.
Highlighted

Re: TW: Permanent scars, not taking care of my health, losing emotions, and I just can't be okay rn.

Hey @xXLexi_Lou122Xx  Smiley Happy

 

I'm sorry to hear yesterday was pretty crap, and that someone tried to take your part. Did you manage to sleep well last night? Is today going better than yesterday? 

Highlighted

Re: TW: Permanent scars, not taking care of my health, losing emotions, and I just can't be okay rn.

Hey @JanaG.
Yeah, I sorta slept okay last night. I woke up a couple of times, because my body was hurting in various places, but I was fine apart from that.
I got today over and done with. Let's just say that.

I did those tests after school today, and the results weren't terrifying. My heartbeat is a little weird, but the doctors weren't worried. I also got tested on my lungs, and it turns out that I was better after I had some "ventilation", I think it's called. So I could have a possible asthmatic reaction when I pass out, but I can still do the things I love. Except for running cross country or more than 100 m without a break, and food.

I'm yet to do another test, I'm not sure what, and I have to see a neurologist too. After that, I may be able to do those running races. But then again, those things aren't until next year anyway.

I also got my last vaccination, until I'm 15/16. I'm glad that's over. The nurse that did my tests today, wanted to check my blood sugar; and to do that, she had to prick my finger. I passed on that one. I have had enough needles for one week. First my blood test, then my needle, and close to doing a pricking in my finger. Not happening this week!

Anyways, I'm doing okay. I still feel a little sad, but I think there's one person who can make it better.
Highlighted

Re: TW: Permanent scars, not taking care of my health, losing emotions, and I just can't be okay rn.

Hey @xXLexi_Lou122Xx, it sounds like you have been poked and prodded a lot lately. It is great to hear that the results weren't terrifying. Is there anything you learned from doing all these tests? Is there anything you have to do differently for now? I can tell that it is something you are very conscious of anyhow (passing out would be pretty hard to ignore) and seek support when it is needed. It does seem like you had a few concerns about not being able to do sports depending on the results.. that must be a scary thought to have! Smiley Sad A lot of people get worried when they have tests.. I wouldn't say that I *like* blood tests but I don't really mind them... for some strange reason. Just so I understand, do you just have to hold off on sports (or just running races?) until after the neurologist? Thanks for sharing all of that by the way Heart
Highlighted

Re: TW: Permanent scars, not taking care of my health, losing emotions, and I just can't be okay rn.

Hey @Taylor-RO.
Yeah, and I'm glad that the nurse let me decide if I wanted to do that test or not.

It is a bit of a scary thought to have, but I realised when I got that particular test done, that it wasn't a big deal. It was an ECG that I had to get done, and that just looks at my heartbeat, to see if anything is wrong. Then I did a respiratory test (lung test), and that had an interesting, not scary result too.

I don't mind blood tests. I mean, I'll watch the blood get drained from my arm, and be fine.

I do have to hold-off on sports, but not my HPE classes. It is a sporty class, but my gp said that's okay. And yes, until after the neurologist.

But, I'm not really worried about that anymore. My friend, who is small and skinny, is saying that she looks like a stick. I told her that's not true, and that I went through a stage of self-hate towards myself too. I still do. I hate that she's saying this, and I can't find a way to tell her, and make her believe it's not true.
I'm seeing her at school today, and I'll talk to her about it then. Emailing is not the best option.
Highlighted

Re: TW: Permanent scars, not taking care of my health, losing emotions, and I just can't be okay rn.

@xXLexi_Lou122Xx it seems like the worry about the health issues has slowly gone down for you and you are focusing on how your friend is feeling about themselves at the moment. It sounds like you wish you could help your friend see the person you see when you look at her. I'm wondering, since you said that you have moments of self-hate, how would you want a friend to be with you when you were feeling this way?

Highlighted

Re: TW: Permanent scars, not taking care of my health, losing emotions, and I just can't be okay rn.

Hey @TOM-RO.

Yeah, it kinda has. I do have another couple of tests, but they aren't until next week.

My friend is so precious to me, and I can't afford to lose her.
I guess I don't really know the answer to that question. I never had a friend there for me, when I hated myself and my life. Because this friend, we'll call her B-J, was one of the people who ditched me last year and made me want to die.

But I have her back now, and I can not lose her. She is my precious little gem.
I will find a way to be there for her.

But apart from my friend, I just feel alone. I'm always alone when I'm at Musical rehearsal, I'm alone at youth group, and I just don't feel okay. My health is part of it, but not much. I don't have anyone to talk to at school, or anywhere, really. But hopefully one day I will. Even if it's not until I'm old.

Smiley Sad
Highlighted

Re: TW: Permanent scars, not taking care of my health, losing emotions, and I just can't be okay rn.

Hey @xXLexi_Lou122Xx 

 

Feeling lonely can be hard, considering humans are social beings. If it makes you feel any better though, feelings of loneliness are very common. For instance, a new service called FriendsLine was developed specifically to target the loneliness encountered by many Australians.  I'm glad you've rekindled your friendship with BJ. Often, even having one good friend who you can talk to and trust helps a lot! Does BJ go to school with you? 

You mentioned having no one to talk to at rehearsals, youth group, and school. Are you seeing a counselor, and if so, have you spoken to your counselor about these feelings? Making friends can be difficult sometimes but I think it is something that gets easier with age. I'm not sure what's causing things to be this way for you, but sometimes a bit of social skills training can help someone who is wanting to make more friends. Simple things like smiling more can make you appear more approachable to strangers. Approaching others can also help in terms of making friends! Does social skills training sound like something you might consider? Heart