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Re: TW: Permanent scars, not taking care of my health, losing emotions, and I just can't be okay rn.

Glad to hear you're doing much better Smiley Happy Hope you had a good day today
____________________________________________________
“Your now is not your forever."
― John Green, Turtles All the Way Down

Re: TW: Permanent scars, not taking care of my health, losing emotions, and I just can't be okay rn.

Thank you @Tiny_leaf and @MisoBear.

I’m okay physically, but I have so many bad thoughts.
There are the faces of the people I love, saying all the bad words that other people have said to me. All because I made a mistake. A very big one, but only because it felt like someone else was controlling me. It’s hard to explain, but if you understand, you know what I’m like.

I am safe, but I drew a picture I shouldn’t have drawn.
It’s of me, smiling while my eyes are teary, with all the words I hear in my head are all over the page.
Only I have see it, but I shouldn’t have drawn it.

Idk what to do...

Re: TW: Permanent scars, not taking care of my health, losing emotions, and I just can't be okay rn.

That sounds quite stressful @xXLexi_Lou122Xx, I am sorry that is what you are going through. What made you say you shouldn't have drawn it? Sometimes it can be helpful for some people to remember that thoughts are just... thoughts. They are only worth the energy and attention that you direct towards them. We all make mistakes in life and sometimes it is unavoidable. It may be uncomfortable but it is how we learn after all. What we tell ourselves about these mistakes can determine how we feel about the situation. It took me a little bit of practice to learn that making mistakes is okay and it is apart of life Heart I noticed that my self-talk played a major role in this. What do you think?

Re: TW: Permanent scars, not taking care of my health, losing emotions, and I just can't be okay rn.

@xXLexi_Lou122Xx do you think that you could use the picture to help you?

Like perhaps you could find a counter-argument for each thing written on there, and repeat it whenever you hear those words.

 

It's okay to draw how you're feeling. Just like it's okay to not be okay, it's okay for your drawings to reflect that.

I personally used to feel really guilty every time I drew a picture or wrote something about any negative feelings, and I still do sometimes.

But at the same time I find it a really useful way for me to express and better understand what I'm feeling.

Idk if that makes any sense at all sorry... 

Re: TW: Permanent scars, not taking care of my health, losing emotions, and I just can't be okay rn.

Thank you @Tiny_leaf and @Taylor-RO.

I shouldn’t have drawn it, because my parents will get worried if they see it.
Is it okay if I post it and show you what I drew? You can delete the post afterwards if it breaks the guidelines, but just so that you guys get what I mean?

I know it’s okay to draw what I feel, but I didn’t want to draw it.
It’s like my hands were just drawing it without me controlling my body at all.

I just don’t know what to feel anymore.
I’m feeling better today, because my mum hasn’t mentioned my mistake lately.

And I’ve been doing some random activities this last week of holidays, and I’m going shopping later, for some musical costume pieces. I just need some shoes, and a better knee brace. 😑 those stupid genetics...

Re: TW: Permanent scars, not taking care of my health, losing emotions, and I just can't be okay rn.

@xXLexi_Lou122Xx  It sounds very therapeutic and sometimes expression is the best way to process difficult emotions...Anyway, I'm just going to chime on and suggest that you can share your art as long as you can kind of assess that it's not involving anything potentially triggering like self harm depiction for example. Also I agree with @Taylor-RO  that mistakes are human/the best way to learn even though we can feel pretty awful at the time!

Re: TW: Permanent scars, not taking care of my health, losing emotions, and I just can't be okay rn.

Thank you @TOM-RO.

I don’t think the picture has that, but it does have words that are aimed at me.
And I drew a random human, not me.

Re: TW: Permanent scars, not taking care of my health, losing emotions, and I just can't be okay rn.

@xXLexi_Lou122Xx Thanks for bravely sharing. I did have to remove the post for potentially pretty graphic/triggering ideas that don't have a helpful outcome/context BUT I have a suggestion. I know you said it was about a random human etc and you "shouldn't have drawn it" but I still think art like that can be very therapeutic to create. I'm also sorry that this has been a part of your consciousness just by having these ideas in your mind in the first place. That's why we're here, to be able to acknowledge these difficulties.

 

So, my suggestion is that you do something different with the art you've already made. For example, you could make a counter picture writing realistic/optimistic compliments or positive attributes that answer some of the criticisms. You could do that OR keep the art for now but think about doing something to let go of those ideas, like ripping it up and burying it etc. 

 

If you decide to do a counter picture (such as writing another one with positive attributes or compliments) we could maybe post BOTH pictures side by side. I think the reality is a lot of us are in a battle of self loathing and self compassion. Lets try and work on not ignoring this but also continuing to support each other to move away from the stuckness of the dark. 

Re: TW: Permanent scars, not taking care of my health, losing emotions, and I just can't be okay rn.

Thank you @TOM-RO.
I think I’ll draw a counter picture. I like the idea of posting both beside each other, and I could possibly make a thread for it. Where you make one picture of self hate when you’re in a bad headspace, and make a counter picture to post with it. As long as it’s within the guidelines.

What do you think?

Re: TW: Permanent scars, not taking care of my health, losing emotions, and I just can't be okay rn.

@xXLexi_Lou122Xx  I think that could be a good idea. Smiley Happy I saw something in real life where people shared words used by their bullies and replaced them with empowering words such as, 'unique', 'fearless', 'free', etc. It was about turning perceived faults into strengths.