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Re: TW: Some I knew died and someone else I know has anxiety that is affecting me

Hey @xXLexi_Lou122Xx . I'm sorry you are not feeling too good in yourself either. Thanks for your support. -sends hugz back-

Re: TW: Some I knew died and someone else I know has anxiety that is affecting me

Don't worry about me. But you're welcome. Smiley Happy :l

Re: TW: Some I knew died and someone else I know has anxiety that is affecting me

I have been productive the past few days and pro-active with my work stuff and cooking, socializing and even seeing family. I got that new job I applied for so I get called in to work now some times. I haven't started yet cause I have been booked out with my other job but I am slowly transitioning to just this new job. I also spoke to my counselor on KHL when I needed to. My psychologist appointment is in a couple days. I kind of feel a little weird about it. It's been a long time since I have had a face-to-face session. I don't know what to expect, well I kinda do, but I don't know this person so yeah. I've been on a bit of a high I guess you could say the past few days, like really motivated and feeling happy and getting stuff done and just feeling pretty good. I always come down to feeling stressed and like something is wrong though, every now and then, sometimes more often, like I feel a little off tonight. And i don't know why. I've had a good day, i've worked, i've eaten, and just relaxed doing whatever I want. So why do I feel like shit? ffs, honestly. why? I saw my dad last night for about 10 minutes. He gave me a hug *forced hug* which I didn't want, you know, the way dad's do? but still annoying. I have been trying to avoid him cause my life just seems better without him and maybe I should feel guilty for saying something like that, but I really don't. His "nice" days don't make up for the horrible behaviour he has showed me and others in the past. Why should I be made to feel miserable more often then not by the things he does? I am still trying to cope with pasta trauma. I am still trying to cope with constant anxiety and not feeling good enough. He is the reason I left home at a young age, among other factors, but mainly him, and this contributed to me getting depressed and suicidal. Things really have felt hard lately and sometimes I have imagined what it would be like to just let go of everything and die, but I haven't self-harmed or wanted to act on these feelings. I just felt like I needed to get this out there and tell someone. Sometimes I just really wish I could forget the world and responsibilities and problems and violence and anxiety and grief. Then there are still things I want to do and see and I enjoy myself. I feel like everything fluctuates, my emotions, my coping. These are thoughts going through my head. It's overwhelming. I realise that things cannot be "fixed" straight away and there are things that can't even be fixed. This makes me feel frustrated. There are so many issues surrounding my life right now. family relationships, work stress, financial stress. I can get through this, can't I? I mean it has been worse. I got away from the worse. *sigh* what to do. 

 

@xXLexi_Lou122Xx @scared01 @Libellule @redhead @letitgo @Andrea-RO 

Re: TW: Some I knew died and someone else I know has anxiety that is affecting me

I don't know what to do. But I promise that the best is just around the corner.
//You are strong, You are beautiful, You are enough//

Re: TW: Some I knew died and someone else I know has anxiety that is affecting me

hey @mspaceK
it sounds really hard, frustrating and quite disheartening for you at the moment. i can relate to you in some of the things youve said like wishing i could forget the world, along with having many issues withing work, finances, and relationships so i am hearing you and how hard it must feel for you.
I beleive that you can get through this, you were doing well and ive been reminded many times that relapses can and will happen so try not to be to hard on yourself.
Life never seems to be easy and it takes time to work through things especially when trauma is involved but with help, support, time and patience i beleive in you and your abilities to be able to cope better
**NEVER be afraid to ask for help because you're WORTH it!**

Re: TW: Some I knew died and someone else I know has anxiety that is affecting me

I agree with @scared01. You can get through this. You WILL get through this.

Re: TW: Some I knew died and someone else I know has anxiety that is affecting me

Thank you @scared01 @xXLexi_Lou122Xx . I know what I need to do. I need to surround myself with positive and motivating people and experiences. And focus on the good things. I think the face-to-face sessions will help. I do. I'm scared they won't. But even if they don't I can do something else. I just gotta remember that there are always other options. I am lucky to have my boyfriend and friends and work. I really do want to get back to a positive headspace. 

Re: TW: Some I knew died and someone else I know has anxiety that is affecting me

That's good to here @mspaceK.
I wish I could say the same for me.
Good luck with everything!
//You are strong, You are beautiful, You are enough//

Re: TW: Some I knew died and someone else I know has anxiety that is affecting me

@mspaceK
there are options of course, it might take a little while to get back to the good headspace but each baby step counts. it sounds like youve got some good supports in place so that is good to hear too. i hope the psychologist will help you too, im aware it can be quite tough to talk about the things bothering you so try not to rush and talk about the things you feel ok with until you build the trust up with this new person.
**NEVER be afraid to ask for help because you're WORTH it!**

Re: TW: Some I knew died and someone else I know has anxiety that is affecting me

Thank you @scared01 . I feel like that was good advice. My KHL counselor also told me not to expect things to feel like they helped in the first session cause it is more getting to know each other and getting comfortable.