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Re: TW: Some I knew died and someone else I know has anxiety that is affecting me

Hi @TOM-RO . Thank you, I really am going to try and be positive. Feeling happy is what I want to feel. I'm going to be exercising more I think and i'm hoping that will help me too. 

 

I'm really annoyed with my housemate because she won't and doesn't appear to have any intention of cleaning up after herself. There is clothes washing dumped in the living room, dishes that have been there for over a week with food still on the plate, mouldy food in the fridge that has been in there for about a month and the kitchen table has stuff all over it and none of it is mine. I don't know how to handle this without getting mad at her. Last time I even suggested the fact that we need to start keeping this room tidy, she said she can't deal with it right now because she is dealing with too much at work. :/ ffs. I hate how trashed the house looks. and smelly too. urghhhhh

Re: TW: Some I knew died and someone else I know has anxiety that is affecting me

Hi @mspaceK,

 

Good on you for committing to more exercise time! What sort of exercise will you be doing? How does it make you feel when you exercise?

 

I can imagine that must be so hard to live in such an unclean space for you- environment can have such a huge impact on wellbeing! 

 

Do you think this is a conversation you can raise with her again in the future, as it sounds like it is a really important one for you? Is it just the two of you in the house? 

 

Hoping that your roommate steps up to help around the house a bit more Heart 

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Re: TW: Some I knew died and someone else I know has anxiety that is affecting me

@Jess1-RO I've been trying to judge her moods to bring it up when she's semi-happy so that she is more inclined to listen and be motivated. The only problem is - she is always tired or not home or in bed or at work. There really doesn't seem to be a good time to bring it up. It's just us living together. It's starting to get to the point where I don't even want to have my boyfriend or best friend over unless we stay in my room because the rest of the house is gross. My boyfriend even mentioned that is was annoying him too. And he is coming over tonight so I don't know how that will go. My dad is also coming over tonight and I don't want to see him :/

 

The exercise I am planning to do include swimming, using the gym at my work, maybe playing some sport on a weeknight if I can find a team for something and going for walks. I haven't exercised in a while but my job is pretty active. I usually feel good because I sleep better when my body is tired. 

 

It is really hard living in this space because it makes me so frustrated every time I see it. I hate mess. I really do. I want to just start chucking her crap in her room but I know that'll only results in her getting angry. I also want to just throw stuff out but that won't help either. I want her to realise that the mess is affecting me and to pull her act together. She said a couple weeks ago that the house wasn't her priority right now and that really pisses me off. 

Re: TW: Some I knew died and someone else I know has anxiety that is affecting me

I'm sort of annoyed at myself. Tonight I thought a lot about dying and how it would be better if I disappeared because I wouldn't have to think or worry about anything anymore. Everything is so hard in my life because I am constantly struggling to overcome anxiety (daily) when I am talking to people, worrying about financial stress, family stress among other things in the world and I am sick of it. I am sick of going through these loops of feeling happy and then depressed. I don't even know if I am depressed or not or just simply sad and over it. I hate this. I hate that I still wish I could just die. Yet I hate that I am constantly just trying to convince myself on why life is worth it. It feels like there are never ending problems and bullshit in the world. *sigh* does that make me suicidal? 

I've been thinking a lot about the weather. It's starting to get colder and darker. And to be honest I think march/april seems to be a huge trigger time for me. Particularly May leading into June as well. And also a week and to a week and a half before I get my period I get really down easier. Like I literally just feel down. And I have noticed that if it is a bright sunny day with clear blue skies I naturally feel calmer and more at peace. wtf?  

 

@Jess1-RO @Taylor-RO @TOM-RO 

Re: TW: Some I knew died and someone else I know has anxiety that is affecting me

Hey @mspaceK 

 

Thanks for sharing. It sounds like you are confused about your feelings, and why you're feeling this way, and wondering what it all means, and that's okay.

 

Some of what you said in this post is in the grey area in terms of the guidelines around suicide - can you confirm that you are safe at the moment? There's a guide here about how to talk safely about suicide on the forums. Please have a read when you get a chance Cat Happy

It's interesting how the weather seems to be effecting your mood. It sounds like an odd link hey - but I remember learning at university that it's actually pretty common, that there is a link there! This article tells how the weather can impact a person's emotions and behaviours.  It's an interesting read, and also may help you better understand why you are feeling this way. 

I hope tomorrow is a better day! 

Re: TW: Some I knew died and someone else I know has anxiety that is affecting me

@TOM-RO Yeah, sorry. I am safe I just wanted to tell at least someone how I have been feeling. And I already contacted KHL the other day so I'm supposed to wait a week before contacting again. And my irl psych appointment is still a week and a half away. I wasn't sure who else to contact. I'm sorry if I upset people. Feel free to remove the post. 

 

The article was interesting. 

 

Today should be better. I got a decent sleep because I went to bed early last night (after I posted) and I have a shorter day at work. 

 

I've been thinking alot about how the cleanliness of the house is effecting me. Especially cause my housemate isn't helping. So this afternoon when I get home I think I might try to clean a bit. If I feel like it. 

Re: TW: Some I knew died and someone else I know has anxiety that is affecting me

hey @mspaceK  thank you for saying that you're safe - completely okay for you to talk about how you're feeling here. 
And no need for us to remove anything Smiley Happy We just always want to make sure that you're taking steps to ensure your safety. 

 

Glad to hear you got a decent sleep! 

The house cleanliness does sound like a significant issue - cleaning is a good place to start. Have you had conversations with your housemate about expectations in the house around cleaning and keeping things tidy? 

 

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Re: TW: Some I knew died and someone else I know has anxiety that is affecting me

@gina-RO Yeah, I did bring it up. I messaged her and said I wanted to prioritize getting the house clean and she agreed. But when she got home from work she told me that she had a really bad day. And then later messaged that her anxiety and depression is really bad. I don't know how the heck to help her. I asked her what she thinks is causing it and she said someone from her work. As well as also the house mess. I asked her if she had told anyone else besides me and she said no and that she doesn't plan on telling anyone else. I asked her what she wanted to happen and if she thought anything would help her to feel better or if she wanted something to change. She said she didn't know and that she didn't want to talk about it anymore. I'm worried about her. It is giving me this sinking feeling knowing that she is so unhappy and stressed out. I don't feel like I can do anything to help her. Except maybe reduce the expectations at home, which is not helping me either. Her moods are effecting me just like mine effect her. I have been spending alot of time alone in my room and not out in the living room where it is messy, but I have also been away from her cause the mood vibe is getting me down and hearing her constantly tell me about how shit her day was or whatever is overwhelming. I have also liked spending the time in my room cause I have been either playing games or reading or talking to people which I have liked. She also said that she is quite overwhelmed too. So it kinda feels like a circle. I guess she feels lonely and I think she wants me to spend more time with her. I don't know how and what to do. She wants to watch a lot of tv but I don't want to be on the couch watching shows the whole time. I don't know what else to do. Because she can't get herself to clean up after herself and then I have to do everything. And she won't get help elsewhere, so what the hell am I meant to do? 

 

And I am a bit upset with myself today because my new work called me asking if I could work tomorrow and I said no, even though I was available, because I got a huge amount of anxiety and lied that I had already committed to a shift at my other job. It would have been a big step up for me, not to mention I would have gotten good pay. I know I should not be hard on myself because I had taken tomorrow off to give myself a rest. I know I need the rest because I just worked 5 days in a row already. And I know in Term 2 I will be transitioning into this new job more, i'm just scared. I have spent this afternoon at the gym for about 45 minutes, and then home playing games and then I just watched a show and ate dinner with my house mate. I am doing things to distract myself and yet I do feel gloomy still. It's kinda like i'm up in a cloud. My face to face counselling session is still a week and a bit away and I can't contact my KHL counsellor until Sunday I think. I'm not sure if it will help though even if i do talk to them. And for the first time in a long time in the shower last night I thought about hurting myself and then I thought I'm being an idiot. But I feel like the only reason why I didn't hurt myself was because I know my boyfriend would see it when we're together. And that is not even true either, I know that I don't deserve to hurt myself. It's tough but i don't need to hurt myself. It won't solve anything. 

 

@TOM-RO @Jess1-RO @Taylor-RO @gina-RO 

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Re: TW: Some I knew died and someone else I know has anxiety that is affecting me

hey @mspaceK

It sounds like you're going through some really difficult things at the moment. I am sorry to hear that everything that has been happening recently has taken such a burden on your mental state recently. 

It sounds like you are having a really tough time communicating with your housemate and making sure that things are fair and equally divided in terms of housework. You mentioned that you have spoken to her about it. Maybe, you could explain how much the house being untidy is negatively affecting your mood. You could also explain to her that her being very low all the time effects those around her, and that talking to someone - even anonymously to a helpline - could really help her current mental health. Alternative, you could possibly look in to getting a house cleaner every fortnight/month/how ever long. This way you would both pay around $20 every so often, and because you were both contributing evenly, there would be no resentment about uneven labor in the house Smiley Happy

 

I think you made a good choice in not jumping into a 6 day of work in a row, as that could be incredibly exhausting, especially with all the drama going on at home. Rest days are really important for us to recuperate and recharge for the new coming week. It might be a good idea that you get out of the house on your break, maybe go for a walk or to a park if you can, and really absorb the beauty of nature. It's also really important to keep doing self care that you resonate with, particularly between session and when you're feeling low. 

I also wanted to agree that you don't deserve hurt, and that hurting yourself won't solve anything, and will just make things worse. I am very glad you decided doing anything that might be unsafe Heart 

Re: TW: Some I knew died and someone else I know has anxiety that is affecting me

@Andrea-RO It does help knowing that there is support here. And I know I have other supports too. Gotta keep my head up. 

 

I am not sure if she is ready for that conversation but I will have a think about ways to bring it up. In terms of getting a house cleaner in though - can you actually get people in to do clothes washing and dishes and clothes folding? Cause that is the big issue right now. As well as floor mopping, and cleaning bathrooms and vacuuming. And there is also weeding outside. 

 

I was thinking about spending tomorrow trying to get some cleaning done and going shopping for a present. But the cleaning might be overwhelming. I'm going to try and exercise though. 

 

I know I don't deserve to hurt myself. It won't help. Sometimes it feels like there is no other option. I do have options though, right?