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TW Struggling with self harm

I’m struggling with the consequences of my past self-harm. I feel very alone in this because of where on my body I chose to harm myself. I thought I was so smart. I thought no one would ever see. The last time I did it was about a month ago and I sort of couldn’t stop myself while I was doing it. It was like I was watching but it wasn’t me. Well anyway it was me. I’m in pain. And I’ve learnt my lesson. I swear I will never do it again. But it already feels too late. I’m scared. I didn’t even realise I was self harming. I didn’t think anything counted as self harm unless you had beat up arms with scars everywhere.  But now I realise. Why it took me so long I’m not sure but now it constantly plays in my head over and over and over and I’m beating myself up SO BAD and I’m struggling to accept this. I think I’m such an idiot and I hate myself for what I’ve done. Every time I think about it I want to end my life It’s haunting me. I can’t believe I did this to myself and I just WISH someone could tell me with certainty that this will all be okay

Re: TW Struggling with self harm

Hey @Hiija 

 

I am sorry to hear how hard things have been for you, and they way that you have been feeling about yourself. It can super difficult to get out of that spiral of self hatred and being so hard on yourself. Its taken me a really long time to try and show myself some self compassion. It sounds a bit lame, but actually giving yourself a break and being kind to yourself is so important. I often think what would I say to someone who was in my position and I find that what I would say to them is so much nicer and understanding then what I say to myself. 

I know you spoke about having some thoughts of suicide, that can be really overwhelming too, have you spoken to anyone about those thoughts? 

 

There are lots of people here who have been through something similar, you are not alone 

 

Re: TW Struggling with self harm

Hey @Hiija , I think you've made an incredibly significant step in deciding you would never self-harm yourself again and with that alone, I could say that you have achieved so much. Please know that you are not alone in this situation, and if you need feel like you might need more support, try going to this page: https://au.reachout.com/articles/help-services-for-self-harm. I hope you are feeling better sincerely!