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Re: (TW?) Uni is destroying me

Thanks again everyone.

I saw my GP today, and he recommended I up my medication. I'm going to try and keep up with my psychologist, unfortunately I can't make an appointment with her until later in the month (four weeks away). 

I still don't know about dropping my unit. Sometimes I feel like I can do it by Sunday (due date of assignment + also the last date I can withdraw unit without failing it) but then depression and anxiety comes crashing down. I feel like if I take another year I'll beat myself up about not being able to do it the entire time, so I'm really not sure which way to go.

I'm really struggling at the moment. I've since admitted to myself that I don't like being home, because when I'm home all I do is sit in bed all day and it's where I spend the most time depressed. Today I went up to sit at my mum's work just so I can be out of the house but not alone (I don't really trust myself being alone at the moment. My self-harm thoughts are getting worse by the day but even though I know I wouldn't act on them I'm starting to doubt myself as they get louder and more frequent. I'm safe now, by the way -- I just rang Lifeline for the first time about an hour ago and they really helped). 

Things are getting more and more bleak and I'm starting to forget how I ever made myself happy. Ugh, depression is so hard. I feel like I was doing so well and feel guilty for suddenly crashing so hard and fast. Smiley Sad

Re: (TW?) Uni is destroying me

Hi @Hozzles, they all sound like very challenging decisions. Do you still feel the same way about increasing your medication? Also, is this psychologist your current one, your university one or someone from Headspace? I am asking because you mentioned a university counsellor and chatting to Headspace, so I was wondering where you were at with these supports? I hope that wasn't too many questions, I just want to make sure I understand Heart

I wanted to congratulate you on realising that being at home alone does not put you in a great headspace.. and you have taken steps to address that. It is not an easy thing to do. The same goes for calling Lifeline, I can really tell that you are trying your best to support yourself through this. Do you feel comfortable drawing on your supports if you feel you cannot keep yourself safe? Smiley Happy

 

The decision you are faced with is not an easy one and unfortunately nobody can make that choice for you. I myself have dropped a unit before because I got behind in coursework and it delayed my course completion by 6 months. The statement I said to myself was, 'Even if I can complete the unit, is it really worth the stress?'. I felt like I had to spend every waking moment on catching up and I decided that it was too stressful and burdensome. Ultimately, you need to do what is best for yourself and treat yourself with kindness. What would you say to a friend who was facing the same decision? How is either decision likely to impact you and your mental health? We all need a break sometimes and that is definitely okay. 

Re: (TW?) Uni is destroying me

Ahah, sorry I know it's all very confusing! I mean my current psychologist. I'm seeing the uni one Monday, and am booked in for an assessment at headspace in about a month.

I'm feeling better about changing/increasing my medication. I really did think I was getting better, but again it's hard to tell when I feel I have fallen so hard. That's why I want to try once more with my psychologist, and make sure we're on the same page and my poor judgement of her wasn't just clouded with all my bad feelings. 

Thank you very much! It was a very hard thing to do (calling Lifeline, I've used online supports before but never called) but was very worthwhile and I'd definitely do it again anytime I wasn't feeling safe. I'm so grateful to be surrounded by so many caring people who understand what I'm going through. Heart

I'm feeling a bit better than I have been right now. I think I've decided to drop the unit, even if it means an extra year at uni. I'm going to try and be more proactive with my mental health, like making sure I'm eating, taking breaks, and socialising instead of isolating myself. Most of the people I've talked to (headspace, Lifeline) have advised me that one year is nothing compared to the rest of my life once I complete my degree. I'm still young, and I know a lot of people in my course that are mature-age students returning to study after work and kids, so I know I have all the time in the world. The Crisis Supporter at Lifeline told me that another year will make me more mature and empathetic, which will be beneficial as I go further in psychology, so that also made me feel a lot better ahah. Again, I'm so glad to be surrounded by amazing supports! 

Re: (TW?) Uni is destroying me

Yay @Hozzles, I'm so glad to hear you're feeling a bit better and so proud of you for calling Lifeline!! Heart

What could you do to celebrate this achievement? I reckon it definitely warrants a celebration of some sort! Smiley Happy

// Spiral outward, keep going. //

Re: (TW?) Uni is destroying me

I'm so glad that Lifeline helped you @Hozzles! Well done for seeking support! I'm also happy that you're feeling better. Smiley Happy

I can't tell you whether or not to drop that unit, but I agree with the people you've spoken to. If you take extra time to work on your health now, it could benefit you in the long term, such as by potentially improving your marks, which can be quite valuable in getting into further studies in psychology. Many universities and employers also seem to value older applicants for psychology work due to their increased life experience.

I did four years of uni straight out of high school without any kind of break and have taken a year and a half to get further experience in psychology before moving on to postgraduate study. It has really been one of the best things I have done for myself and future career. Some of my family members think that I have 'wasted my life' by not doing postgraduate study straight away, but I now have plenty of relevant experience to boost my application, have received treatment for some of my health issues and feel more confident returning to studies after caring for my family members until we could receive more support. Additionally, a lot of the psychologists I have worked with have actually done another degree first before pursuing psychology, so they have around 9-10 years of study behind them. I have also worked with a mature age student quite a few decades older than me who was doing a postgraduate research degree in psychology. It's the same in other fields too. One of my sister's doctors didn't become a doctor until she was 28 and she still had to receive ongoing training to specialise. So, I don't feel like I have wasted any time and in my experience, the time away from university has been very beneficial for me and provided me with a lot of practical skills. But in the end, it's up to you to decide what is best for your health and yourself in general.

Re: (TW?) Uni is destroying me

Hi @Hozzles, I'm glad that you're feeling good about changing/increasing your medication. Medication can be really beneficial, and it definitely doesn't make you less of a person for taking it or needing to adjust your doses. It can definitely be hard to judge our own mental health sometimes. I'm glad you've decided to give it another go with your current psych while still seeking help from other avenues. I have seen uni psychs when I really needed support to tide me over before had an appointment with my regular psych and I've always felt that's been beneficial for me. 

 

I totally agree with what the Lifeline Crisis Supporter said. Most people I've spoken to in the psych field say that the more life experience you have the better, and often taking a year off to get experience and focus on your own mental health can be beneficial in the long run. I know you'll make the right decision for you.

____________________________________________________
“Your now is not your forever."
― John Green, Turtles All the Way Down

Re: (TW?) Uni is destroying me

@Hozzles  hello you are not alone with struggling with uni, I spend half my time typing up assignments while crying lol. Idk if i have any suggestions other than trying to take breaks in between work, this may sound absolutely ridiculous and feel free to ignore it but personally between chunks of work I will listen to really stupid/funny/fun songs and sing really loudly (well not actually because i am in an apartment) or dance around stupidly and sometimes it gives me more energy even if i start doing this when i am crying because it feels stupid which makes me laugh and i am alone so it isnt like anyone is watching. or I will get up and go for a walk around the block but sometimes you just have to take a break. or if i am too sad to move I will watch stuff on youtube or take a nap and set an alarm. but these may not work for you and sorry this is so long and badly set out.

 

oh and as far and the psychologist goes it is ok to look for a new one they arent all good and even if they arent a bad person that doesnt mean they are the right person for you. it is also ok to tell them they are doing something unhelpful if they are professional they should have a discussion about it with you and try and find ways to work it out. you dont have to do everything they say you know you best. good luck and sorry for the terrible reply you can ignore it if you want. 

Re: (TW?) Uni is destroying me

I'll reply to all your lovely messages later but things have turned from bad to worse.

My cat was just rushed to the emergency vet because he's having trouble breathing right now.

I don't know what to do. I'm so sick of having to deal with one bad thing after the next. I just want one good day for once. This year I've had a break up, two stays in hospital, my lizard died, and now this. I might call Lifeline again later and I'm safe right now. I'm just so tired.

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Re: (TW?) Uni is destroying me

I'm so sorry to hear the bad news @Hozzles Smiley Sad I hope your cat turns out to be alright!

I'm glad to hear you're safe right now. Calling lifeline sounds like a good idea. What are you up to right now?

Re: (TW?) Uni is destroying me

Thanks all again. I had to say goodbye to my cat tonight. I think I'm emotionally numb right now. Again, I'll call Lifeline if I start to feel unsafe. I'll update you all soon.