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Re: (TW?) Uni is destroying me

Hi @Hozzles 


I am so sorry for your loss.  Losing a pet is so hard Smiley Sad.  It will take time to process.  Yes please call Lifeline if you're feeling unsafe and do continue to keep us posted Heart

Re: (TW?) Uni is destroying me

Thanks again, everyone. Heart

I've been struggling really bad. I miss my Tybalt so much. Cat Sad it couldn't have come at a worse time. He was always like my therapy animal, sitting on my shoulder all the time and giving me cuddles and comfort when I'm down. I miss him so much. Heart
I've spent some time this week looking at shelter cats. I think I've found one I like, but I feel bad getting another furbaby so soon after Tybalt passed. Nothing can ever replace him, but there's so many shelter cats out there that need loving homes, and my heart feels empty without my own cat friend... (we have another cat but she keeps to herself and isn't a cuddler, ahah).

At least I have been eating and sleeping better. I had my appointment with my uni psychologist, which was really good. I'm going on holiday with my family for a week, which should be okay. It would be nice to have a break (even though I'm probably going to spend some of it catching up on my readings). The day after I get back I have an appointment with my other psychologist, and I'm set to see the uni one again soon.

I feel so bad for complaining, sometimes. I've seen a few posts from other students that mention they're struggling managing studying fulltime, while also working and taking care of their children. Like, these superstars out there are managing and here I am struggling with two units not even working, with barely any responsibilities! I know I shouldn't compare myself to others but I have no idea how I'm going to be able to face the working world and other parts of the 'real world' when I can't even deal with uni etc.

Re: (TW?) Uni is destroying me

Hey @Hozzles 


Thanks for the update. 


Losing a pet is really tough. I just caught up on your thread, and it would've been so traumatic to have seen your gorgeous Tybalt struggle to breathe Smiley SadHeart. We become so attached to our fur babies. I was the same as you when I lost my previous cat of 18 years. Like yourself, I would always cuddle her when I felt upset, and it was hard losing that source of comfort. I think it is okay to be looking at rescuing a kitty - it doesn't mean you are replacing Tybalt. You mentioned you liked a cat at the shelter - can you tell us about them? Have you met them or?


I'm glad to hear that things are going good with your psychologist Smiley Happy


I think it is okay to be studying part time. I know lots of people who have studied part-time, even without working or having a family etc. It's okay. Everyone likes to learn at a different pace. I also don't think it means you won't survive the working world. To be honest, in my experience, I have found university much more stressful and challenging than work. They are completely different - well at least in my experience they have been. At university there is much more of a focus on memorising material, and researching and writing academic pieces, and there's can be so much pressure to get a super high mark. All of that can be extremely stressful. Work is more about learning & executing certain tasks, team-work, communication etc. 

Be kind to yourself and try not to discount how stressful university can be Heart

Re: (TW?) Uni is destroying me

I'm so sorry about your cat @Hozzles. Smiley Sad Losing a pet can be so hard. I was so sad when I lost my pet mouse and a stray cat my family and I unofficially adopted.

I know that Tybalt can't ever be replaced, but I hope that getting a shelter cat brings you some comfort and happiness. One of my friends got another dog soon after hers passed away and I could tell that it made her a lot happier and helped her cope with the loss.

I'm glad that the appointment went well and that you're looking forward to your holiday. Smiley Happy

I know lots of people who have taken a gap year or dropped units, and they're all hard workers and good people. I've considered doing it too. The deadlines, exams and competitive nature of uni can make it really stressful. You have already overcome so much this year too. All this other stuff can really affect uni work, so doing uni part time can be beneficial.

Re: (TW?) Uni is destroying me

Hi @Hozzles, just so you know, I have moved your response to MKayla to a new thread Smiley Happy Thanks for the welcome!

For everyone else, @Hozzles said 'I will reply to the rest of your lovely comments later' Heart

Re: (TW?) Uni is destroying me

Thanks again everyone.

I'm feeling really down at the moment. I'm going away on holiday for a week tomorrow and instead of being excited I'm so down. I woke up to a panic attack today because I have so much to do. I still have to pack and I have an assignment due when I'm away. I'm just sitting here feeling sorry for myself because I don't even have to tell anyone I'm going (I'm going with my immediate family). No one will even miss me or realise I'm away. 

I'm still feeling awful about Tybalt. The vet sent us his pawprint, a nice card and a vial of his fur. Smiley Sad
I'm having awful luck with the shelter. The first cat I was interested in was named Hamlet, and I thought it must have been fate because it's also a Shakespeare name. But it turned out he suffered a seizure a few days prior to me looking at him and I couldn't put myself through dealing with another sick fur baby at the moment Smiley Sad. There was another I really liked, he came up and sat on my lap in the shelter and was super friendly. But when we came back a few days later, he was in the process of being adopted by another family. Smiley Sad. Both my mum and my brother think it's way too soon and I need to grieve more, but I don't know. I already have depression, and I have so much love to give another animal. They really, really help me. 

Re: (TW?) Uni is destroying me

I'm so sorry @Hozzles . That sounds really sad. I haven't read through your whole thread but this post gave me the feels. Smiley Sad I'm also feeling fairly down at the moment and I'm in physical pain because of an undiagnosed medical issue which is giving me a lot of stress. 


I guess what may help right now is to focus on the little things and take it step by step. I'm overwhelmed with all my responsibilities right now so I'm just laying in bed doing nothing and being okay with that. 


Can you reduce your self expectations for today and focus on just one thing you would like to do? 


I'm here. 

Re: (TW?) Uni is destroying me

Hey @Hozzles I am so very sorry for your loss Heart

We know that you're away, and we care very much. 


Animals can be so helpful for our mental health, and I'm glad that you can find some solace in them and I think it's understandable that you'd want to give that love you feel to another animal.


How are you feeling about going away now?

Thinking of you.

// Spiral outward, keep going. //

Re: (TW?) Uni is destroying me

Thanks again. 

So sorry for the lack of updates. Sometimes it's exhausting even just talking online Smiley Sad. I'm back from my holidays, that went really well. I love being out in nature and getting outside, like I said I hate being at home because that's where I spend most of my time depressed. 

I've been feeling really down. I saw my psychologist the day after I got home and she called my GP to get my meds changed again even though I've been on them for two weeks. My GP said it was a bit ridiculous she dragged me up to see him after only two weeks. I don't know if I'll go back to her again, because I'm so tired of every session just being silence and 'how's your medication?'. But on the other hand, I know I need help but I'm too exhausted to go through the entire process of getting to know someone and retelling my story again. My uni psychologist was very good but I missed my second appointment due to me being on holiday and I have to call to make a new appointment. It took a lot of mental energy to call up the first time.

Uni is... eh. I completed my last assignment of the term and have an exam in two or so weeks that I need to study for. I'm about five weeks behind in content and need to catch up but my brain won't let me concentrate on the big blocks of text. There's no pictures in the textbook and it's driving me mad Smiley LOL. I have to study from the textbook, though, because they base the exam off it.

I have no idea what I do with my time. I've been thinking I shouldn't even be calling myself a writer, because I don't really write. The longest thing I've ever written is only about 30K words, and I've never even finished anything apart from, like, 5 short stories. The only things I really write are for school. How on earth can I even call myself a writer, then? I make ideas in my head and that's it. I don't even think I enjoy anything creative because it all makes me so anxious. I don't even know who I am if not creative, though. It's like I've just built my hobbies and personality out of lies because there's nothing else there.

I'm feeling useless. I've been at uni for so long. I'm getting older and older and I still feel like I'm barely anymore than twelve, mentally. Apart from my ex I haven't made any new friends in about seven years. I just feel stagnant. I'm so lonely and exhausted and it's really, really hard not to think that I'll be stuck like this forever.


Re: (TW?) Uni is destroying me

Hey @Hozzles 


I've only just caught up on this thread and I want to send my most sincere condolences to you Heart It's nice to hear that you've come back from a lovely holiday in nature - sounds like it came at a good time. 


There's a lot you're going through and I wanted to touch on a couple of things you shared. I can definitely see your perspective with the whole psychologist situation. While medication is important being hounded about it isn't therapeutic to anyone. Do you know what kind of therapy your psychologist does? - It's great that your uni psych is good but I totally get what you mean by working up the mental energy to call. Be gentle with yourself and do it when you can Heart 


You also mentioned feeling like you shouldn't call yourself a writer. I relate to this a lot!! I've always been a writer but it's taken me years and years to own it. It actually took my friend sending my work to a publisher (without my knowledge) and getting published for me to accept that I have some level of writing skill. Point of the story is I would have never imagined being "good enough" to be published. We are our own worst critic, especially as creatives. There's an amazing book called "The Artists Way" which goes into quieting that critic in your head and trusting your ability. It sounds like you've done a lot of writing. I think you've earned the title Smiley Happy 


The other thing I wanted to say is that there is no race in your personal and professional learning. It's okay to take time with huge tasks like finishing a degree. I know it feels like things will never change - luckily the only constant in life is change. So while it might be taking some time for things to budge, I'm sure they will Heart 


Lots of support to you, you're doing so well.