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Re: (TW?) Uni is destroying me

Thanks @Bre-ROHeart

I'm just so tired. I just want to lie in bed and sleep all day. Nothing's enjoyable for me anymore, even activities that are meant to make my relax. Like, I can't even play Sims or Animal Crossing anymore because I feel like I'll mess up the story line or my town. Smiley Mad 

I don't know how I will ever improve from this. Like I said, I haven't really made a friend in 7 years. Only one person other than family talks to me on a regular basis. Yesterday, I went outside to a meeting, and when they asked me a question my brain went completely blank and I didn't feel like talking at all. How am I going to survive in the adult world? I'm basically a child in an adult body, anyway. I don't know how anything works. 

I'm so tired of the mental health system. Everyone says to me the only good psychologists in our area don't bulk-bill, but I really can't afford it. Research says therapy for major depression/ anxiety is most beneficial if done intensely. How on Earth can this be done with Medicares 10 free sessions! I'm forced to use them sparingly like gold, and when I do we sit there in silence for forty minutes while she says I probably need to change my meds. Smiley Mad I'm pretty sure my current one does CBT, but what we've been doing isn't really CBT at all, so...?

A few good things for next week: 
-Tomorrow, I'm going to a lady's house to see if she has a cat I'd like to adopt (she's part of a rescue organisation!).
-I also might be able to donate blood again (depends on my iron!).

Re: (TW?) Uni is destroying me

@Hozzles 

 

Sorry to read that you're feeling so tired.  I can imagine when you're feeling this way not wanting to play Sims in case you mess up a story, especially as you've probably put a good amount of time into it Smiley Happy.  Could you start a new game maybe?  Or try something else that's fun where you don't need to worry about a mistake? 

 

The fact that you're seeking and getting help is a great start Smiley Happy.  Have you tried calling some services to help when you're feeling down?  Services such as Lifeline (13 11 14) and Beyond Blue (1300 224 636) have trained counsellors ready to talk to you.  Maybe this can help so you don't need to use all your psychology sessions too quickly.

 

Aww, I love cats Cat Happy.  That really sounds like something to look forward to Heart   

 

 

 

Re: (TW?) Uni is destroying me

I feel content today. It's been so so long since I've felt relaxed/ happy for no reason that it actually took me about five hours to recognise I was happy and not sick or anything. Smiley LOL

The cat date went well. Heart There was two I really liked!
One was a bigger (but younger) male that was born as a stray, so he was really nervous and timid. But you could tell he was trying his absolute hardest to be brave and smoochy! He is very smoochy with his foster family. He sounds like me in cat form, ahah.
The other is more playful and outgoing! She has had kittens but she's still very young, and she has a really unique coat that's like a mix between calico and tabby. She also looked affectionate but more high energy.
It's going to be tough to decide! I also visited the shelter and there were lots there, too! I wish I could keep them all hahah Cat Very Happy

I have tried some services before, but most of the time I'm too anxious to pick up the phone. I've tried online chat, too, and that's helpful sometimes. 

I think the main thing is learning how to enjoy things again. Everything gets ruined by OCD/perfectionism but I feel like none of my psychologists have recognised that yet. Like, I remember when I was 14 I used to compulsively search my first sentence of my story on google to see if I was accidentally plagiarising. Even reading or watching a movie is sometimes troubling because my mind has to make sure I'm paying attention to every sentence, and if I feel like I haven't understood completely I have to turn back a few pages and reread/ go back and re-watch. So at that point reading/watching anything isn't enjoyable. Another thing is drawing/ even adult colouring books -- everyone I speak to says adult colouring books are supposed to be very relaxing but they just stress me out because I'm worried about making a mistake! Ugh, it's annoying. I'll try to bring it up next time I see a professional. 

Re: (TW?) Uni is destroying me

Hey @Hozzles 

 

I'm glad to hear the cat date went well Cat Happy It's sounds like you've got a tough choice ahead of you, they all sound so sweet. Do you find being with animals therapeutic? 

 

It's great that you know what you need to work on. Having that self awareness is such a crucial aspect of mental health recovery\maintenance. In saying that it must be hard feeling like OCD/perfectionism has taken away enjoyment from your life. It sounds like you're trying to push through it and I want to tell you dismantling the thought cycles that occur with OCD is totally possible with a psych that you feel comfortable going into this with. It can take time to find the right person to explore this with and I hope you come across the right professional to help you get your mental health where you want it to be. 

 

In the meantime we will be here to listen to you and support you Heart