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TW: What defines me?

I finally told my mum about my self harm and she said to me

”ugh I don’t want to have to deal with a self Harmer”

is that what I am?

if that’s all I am 

Then I don’t want to be here

i want to be a better person 

i want to get better

but my Mum isn’t helping 

I said to her “Mum, I’m trying to be a better person, can’t you see that?”

she said “no, you’ll always be this way, you lie, (I don’t), you cheat (I dont), you fall behind in school (I do) you’ll always be this person”

it was really hurtful coming out of my own mothers mouth

i deliberately fall behind in school because I want the school to call her so she has to think about me.

she doesn’t see that I am craving her attention

she doesnt see that I want her to love me

she doesn’t see that I want the two of us to get along.

all she sees is a depressed, worthless, self harmer 

Re: TW: What defines me?

Hey @Jesssister2001 first up, I am genuinely super sorry that your Mother minimised your pain like that. I want you to know that is not okay - and just because she is your parent does not make this viewpoint valid. That would be incredibly painful to hear, not just for you, for anyone - compassion is what you need not judgement, we want to let you know that we care and there's nothing wrong with you.

 

Many of us have had non-supportive parents, I know it is hard but it makes for the most strong and resilient individuals this I promise you, you're not alone here Heart. Can I ask, do you have anyone else you trust, who you would feel safe talking to about your self-harm?

Re: TW: What defines me?

Hey @Jesssister2001, just to follow up. We really think you deserve some professional and compassionate support around this issue. Would you consider logging on with our friends at SCBS? It is completely confidential, you can just open up another tab in your browser and queue here to chat with a counsellor. They're really good, make sure you let them know what happened today - you deserve support. 

Re: TW: What defines me?

@Jesssister2001 i just want to say how proud i am for you to open up to your mum, that must have been really hard. im really sorry about her reaction - she has no right to minimise your pain.  ive seen you giving so much care to others and being so strong, so remember you’re a strong human beingHeart are you interested to talk to a helpline about this to give you further steps or even a trusted person ?