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TW: What to do with upsetting scenes at school, scary flashbacks of my past, and triggering kids?

I don't know what to do at school. There was this one scene at school, where this girl has been bullied constantly, and she got so sick of being harassed, that she tried to harm herself in plain sight. Then there's this kid, (we shall call him Jeff) who doesn't know how to respect my feelings, and is the one harassing me and that girl at school. 

 

Jeff has been so very triggering, as he riled me up so bad, i walked out of class without permission. I was working on my own, and he kept bugging me, and bugging me. I hate him so very much, and it pains me to leave a classroom without permission. sometimes you just have to go outside and calm down. That's where I had these horrible flashbacks of my past. 

My mum had said some things, and then there was the time I made a comment I regretted saying aloud, causing me to worry many people at once. And, my friends backstabbed me, and i have a chronic health condition, causing me pass out. A particular event is what scares me. 

But those are all just flashbacks.

 

The Flashbacks are the biggest part. I'm so scared, because this isn't normal. And they are all on repeat in my head, everyday.

 

And when those Flashbacks happen, I start thinking, No don't think about it, think of something better. It doesn't help. It just puts me in a battle with the rest of myself. My angel side, and demon side, are fighting constantly. I can't cope with this alone.

 

I feel really messed up. My life is just weird, and I'm weird. 

If any of you guys know what I mean... 

 

@Tiny_leaf @Bananatime04 @Sammyye @Jess1-RO @gina-RO @blobby 

Please... I'm trying so hard to fix the problem.

 

Sorry for the ramble post. It has to be that way.

Re: TW: What to do with upsetting scenes at school, scary flashbacks of my past, and triggering kids

Hey @xXLexi_Lou122Xx 

sorry I haven’t been on lately and followed up with everything that’s been happening for you.

 I can hear school has been a very negative place for you hey.. school shouldn’t have to be like that and you deserve so much more than how people have been treating you. I myself have been bullied before but I have moved schools.. you mentioned a while before I left that your mum was looking at moving you to a catholic school, have I got that right? Do you know if this is still happening? I think it would be a very positive change for you as I’ve also had this change and I felt so bad about it but after it happened.. it was one of the best changes I’ve had in my life. I go to a catholic private school now and it’s just great. The teachers are so respectful and the students are less.. idk the word.. but they are nowhere near as bad as they were in the public school I went to. Sorry for rambling on about me but that’s my experience and if you end up changing I hope you have a similar thing happen to you.

another thing I have found very helpful when teachers have done nothing about me being bullied or harassed was standing up for myself and having good comebacks. I know this is probably not really something that other people would recommend but it has gotten me through having to deal with them saying more stuff to me because it has left them with no words as they never expect you to give words back. I guess this is also a confidence thing too tho so it’s alright if you find it a bit hard.. it took me a while to stand up for myself.

Also remember that what bullies say to people isn’t usually true because they say things to make you feel bad about yourself, someone else or something else. They just find new ways to lie that will put you down but you gotta stay strong and try not to let it do this or Jeff will feel like he is getting somewhere and will continue. Be brave!

I have flashbacks too from my earlier childhood.. I have not mentioned this on the forums yet because it can trigger them to come back. But a way I find that helps bet rid of a flashback is not to tell myself to think about something else.. it’s making myself think about something else. I try really hard to do something that will take my mind off it. I’ll share my favourite breathing exercises that I use:

I want you to take a long slow breath in as you are doing this I want you to visualise clean fresh air entering your nose. This clean fresh air is traveling down your throat and filling up your lungs.

Then slowly exhale and as you are doing this visualise all negative energy and tension being breathed out. Breathe in and out on the count of 5.

I like your idea of the angel side and demon side.. that’s a cool way of putting it! Sometimes it may feel like the demon has won this fight but it’s just like the bullies.. lying to you to put you down and will continue if you let it get to you and show that it is. You gotta be brave and strong! Which I know you are! 

 

I know you’ll get through this hard time! Just like you’ve told me! One day it will happen.. or it will happen over time. You aren’t alone tho, never forget that!

 

Re: TW: What to do with upsetting scenes at school, scary flashbacks of my past, and triggering kids

Thank you @Bananatime04.
No, it wasn't a catholic school. It's a private school, for Christians who love performing arts. You were close tho! I think I'll stick with my school for now....

I'll try those breathing exercises.

I can't really answer all of your post, but I will when I have enough time!

Thank you for reminding me of what I always say to you.

It's amazing how you helped me this morning. I'm proud of you!

Thank you so much.
I gtg now. I just finished making my mum's gift for tomorrow!
I'll post a picture later. Smiley Happy

Re: TW: What to do with upsetting scenes at school, scary flashbacks of my past, and triggering kids

Oh whoops! That sounds like a pretty cool school tho! If your current school gets too much just remember you have that option.
What I find helpful may not be helpful for you but I’d like to know how it goes Smiley Happy
There is no pressure to post.. if you have things to do then that’s totally fine! Are you doing anything for Mother’s Day?

Re: TW: What to do with upsetting scenes at school, scary flashbacks of my past, and triggering kids

hey @xXLexi_Lou122Xx 

i'm so sorry about your situation. Jeff is an arse. I said it. He is. 

Your flashbacks seem to be controlling you, and I'm sorry that they make you fell this way. Is there anyone you can talk to, such as a teacher or counselor? You seem to be going through a very rough patch. 

Your angel side and demon side as you call them seem to be pulling you in two different directions. I understand where you are coming from, but I haven't figured out what to do about them either. 

I hope things get better for you as time progresses. I'll have to talk later. I have some things I have to sort out. 

love and hugs, 

blobby 

Re: TW: What to do with upsetting scenes at school, scary flashbacks of my past, and triggering kids

Thank you both.
Jeff really is.

No, those flashbacks aren't exactly controlling me, but they're making it hard for me to do my usual activities. Whenever they flood back to me, I will constantly start shaking. Because of my two sides. I'll start crying, because I feel pain as well as the shaking.
...

Re: TW: What to do with upsetting scenes at school, scary flashbacks of my past, and triggering kids

@xXLexi_Lou122Xx Jeff sounds awful....

 

Do you mind telling me what he does specifically? There are a few ways to respond to jerks like that, which they seem to find really annoying.

If hassling people stops feeling rewarding to him, he'll probably stop doing it, but it can be hard to figure out what his reward actually is....

 

For flashbacks: grounding exercises can really help, there are a few ideas in the self harm alternatives thread.

 

I know that you stim; this is a really useful tool! It can help regulate emotions, be a good distraction, help you cope with sensory overload and work as a good grounding strategy.

Try to give yourself access to as much stim as you can. Even if you don't use it, it's kinda comforting knowing that you have a coping tool in your pocket/ pencil case; and it can make school more tolerable. 

 

I'm not entirely sure what you mean when you say two sides of you though I'm sorry....

Re: TW: What to do with upsetting scenes at school, scary flashbacks of my past, and triggering kids

Hi @xXLexi_Lou122Xx! It's really upsetting when other kids harass you at school. Some kids can just be very immature. Smiley Sad Jeff reminds me of a few kids I knew when I was at school. What helped me was getting my parents to talk to the teachers so that they could ensure that kids like Jeff wouldn't come near me.

It can be hard to stop thinking about flashbacks. An example is if you tell yourself to not think of a polar bear, for example (I actually read this somewhere). This can make you think about it even more. Sometimes, it can be more helpful to do things that distract you from the flashback or try to carry on whatever you are doing instead. Telling yourself you're safe may also be useful, along with the '5 things' game. I think everyone has made really good points in this thread so far.

Re: TW: What to do with upsetting scenes at school, scary flashbacks of my past, and triggering kids

Yes, thank you everyone.
@WheresMySquishy
I don't necessarily tell myself not to think about it, I say it's not true. And then say that I do have _________ . If you get the picture...

I'll try those suggestions...

But no, I really don't have anyone to talk too. My counselor is away, and I don't have a chaplain, and my year co can't do anything. She'll just connect me with someone who can't help at all.
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Re: TW: What to do with upsetting scenes at school, scary flashbacks of my past, and triggering kids

hey @xXLexi_Lou122Xx  , that must be hard that your counselor away while this is going on. Hopefully you can see them when they are back - but in the meantime, i hope something in all the incredible advice above is able to help you. Heart

You've so resourceful and resilient already Heart

 

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I'm leaving ReachOut on the 5th of June Smiley Sad Say goodbye here