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TW Why bother

Honesty I'm not sure seeking out human interaction is even worth it.

But because I'm a human my ridiculous brain gets lonely if I do fulfilling, non-human centered stuff for too long.

 

It's not like anyone actually wants to interact with me. Like everyone I speak to normally is either forced to live in a house with me or paid to interact with me.

 

I'm tired of seeing people hurting each other and myself. I'm tired of people hurting me when I try to say something about it. Honesty I'm just tired of people.

 

I hate being lonely because I just want to be alone. And I'm starting to hate that deep human part of me that wants to interact with people who don't give a fuck.

Re: TW Why bother

Honestly that's incredibly understandable @Tiny_leaf. I can I imagine that it would feel incredibly isolating being with your family when you don't always get along, and having to deal with support workers that you don't always resonate with. It's a very hard situation to be in, and I know that advice isn't always helpful - sometimes it's better to just be able to vent. But if you like maybe we can brainstorm something that could help?

Re: TW Why bother

I totally understand your pain, human interaction is a tricky one... :/

You may feel like an outsider that doesn't belong, although trust me from my experience, most of the time you will be overthinking humans and their behaviours towards you. Maybe you just dont have a lot in common with the people you are interacting with? Is there maybe an interest that you have that you can find some like-minded people to socialise with? I'm sure someone enjoys your company! even if it doesn't appear that way..Smiley Very Happy

Re: TW Why bother

I just had to sit through a rant from my abled brother about how he "lacks agency" and is "cut off".

He gets to leave the house alone. He gets to go to school. He gets to have friends.

I wouldn't mind but what he spent ages complaining about is my fucking full time reality and whenever I ask for help with it he attacks me. 

The same asshole who told me I'd never get a job or a house and die alone and unloved is now whinibg about only getting to see his friends for five hours a day every weekday.

Re: TW Why bother

@PlantFanaticEv because of my disabilities I can't leave the house alone.

 

I don't have any choice of who I interact with.

It's either my direct family or people who are literally paid to spend time with me.

Re: TW Why bother

@Andrea-RO the support workers are nice i guess it's just not the same as having someone who wants to spend time with me.

 

I had one friend but she watched a bunch of right wing conspiracies and now she's now kinda racist apparently.

And I really don't need some cis person who I thought I could trust arguing with me that transphobia isn't that bad actually and that minorities should be less sensitive to constant hate.

She's been alternately calling me too caring, sensitive, manipulative, exploitative, and honestly I've had enough.

Re: TW Why bother

oh man, that would be painful @Tiny_leaf, I've definitely had that experience before, and it definitely made me wanna shove paper in my ear. It's even worse that he's complaining about stuff that you've tried to talk to him about and he ignored. It's honestly no wonder you were frustrated.

 

also that's so horrible that your friend has been reading those sorts of things, I also had a mate in high school that I ended up distancing myself from, because she couldn't help but be racist. Do you hang out on any other forums or that sort of thing? I know that you've been able to make some really good friends here on RO so maybe you could make more friends on other sites that you could know in person/personally?

 

Re: TW Why bother

Hi @Tiny_leaf, I can understand what you think... sometimes its easily fall into this whirlpool and get stuck by it when you think deep about human being and relationships. I think It's a really struggling situation... on one side, we want support and interaction, but on the other side we feel that others are not trustable and difficult...

Re: TW Why bother

Well mom just spent ages screaming at me for showing the wrong emotion so looks like it's complete breakdown time.

Gotta charge my phone in case I end up in hospital tonight I guess.

Re: TW Why bother

ugh... is anyone at home that can stop her?