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(TW abuse) My Currently life (sorry for my English in advance)

I am currently year 10 and my life so far has not been that great. I am asian and everyone in my family are doctors, my father left when i was year 7.... he left because of another girl he got interested in. Before he left us he was a great dad, till he got drunk and start hitting my mum. When he left i thought everything will be over. Then i realised how shit i was at life even more i avg 70 for all my classes and that is with me trying for all of them, so imagine if i didn't try. well that is a short story about me.

i am currently on a very bumpy road.

-First of all i meet a girl who enchanted my world, every time i am next to her my heart beats faster i run out of words and i can't even look at her because my heart feels like it wants to jump. The problem is we are too different she is smart and good looking, she is out of this world. my friend liked her too which makes it more weird, thus i  backed down then i realised he said it just because he thought he had feelings for her which gets more annoying because i follow the bro code. I tried to get closer to her and do what a guy would do on a date but my friends were there, i couldn't do anything but pushed her (metaphor) and try to get her with one of my friends to try get her out of my head. i just don't know if i am doing this right.

-My 2nd problem is i want to change my life around my dad left my mum had to support our family of 5, my brothers aren't the best giving money to my mum. whenever i got out with my friends i see my mum take out the only $50 she had this month for me.. i just want to drop on my knees and cry. i was on my way back from going out with my friends, my mum told me she wanted me to go to a tutor and she will do the best she can to get a good life, i started to have droplets of tears. she told me my brother will give us some money... for godsake my third brother just started university he doesn't even work he only gets $170 ever 2 weeks from the gov. He scored an atar of 94.35 and still did not look down on me for being so dumb he even said he would take care of us help us pay the bills, my 2nd brother finished university just to support us (a low paying doctor job) but money clouded his eyes, my first brother is great but he is still taking his time to change because before my dad left he went out to drink and was cocky because he had a high atar of 89.04 and he kept swapping between uni's. i am sorry i am just rambling on at the moment back to the story. my mum then told me i will give $10 your brother will get his money in soon so try not to waste it i know you want to go out with your friends again. at that moment i thought do i really deserve to live? do i really deserve a family like this? do i really deserve another chance? am i just a spoilt brat and don't know it? is it wrong for me to cry? why did things had to be like this? i wish to change, i wish to have another chance but i am to afraid to let it happen.

 

Does anyone have any advice?

Re: (TW abuse) My Currently life (sorry for my English in advance)

Hi @Mochi_Warrior, welcome to ReachOut! Thanks for sharing all of that with us Smiley Happy It sounds like you have a lot going on with your family and it must be a really hard situation for you to be in. You sound like you care about your family a lot and want to do your best to support them. Is there anyone else that you have been able to talk to these things about? Does your school have a counsellor that you can speak to? You don't need to go through this alone Heart They also might have ideas on how to help your family out and make things easier.

You mentioned about not deserving your family, another chance and life. I just wanted to ask whether you are having thoughts of harming yourself or ending your life? I also moved your post to the Tough Times area and added a trigger warning (TW: abuse) so that you can receive the best support possible. It is also so other users in our community know what to expect when they come across your post.

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Re: (TW abuse) My Currently life (sorry for my English in advance)

thankyou for the reply, i didn't expect anyone to reply this fast tbh. i am not thinking of suicide or harming myself i just wish to change , i wish to somehow change who i am and be a better me than me currently. my school is not the best, i don't like people knowing about what i am going through because i don't want them to look at me differently. there was a kid in our school that thought of suicide all the time and when news got out every isolated them self from him me and my friends tried to include him but other people just put him down, Our council to support children made it more obvious he had issues by bring him out to classes

Re: (TW abuse) My Currently life (sorry for my English in advance)

Hi there @Mochi_Warrior, thank you for clarifying that with us Heart

Sounds like you're feeling a bit stuck. 

I'm sorry to hear that happened to a kid at your school - the stigma around suicide can be so difficult for people, and I hear that you want to protect yourself from it. 

 

I want to encourage you that there is nothing wrong with crying, or with wanting things to change. It can be so daunting to know where to start, but things can change, slowly. But you need support. 

If you feel uncomfortable accessing your school counselor, you can access counselling over the phone on KHL by calling 1800 55 1800- they might have more ideas for you around where to get further support.  

Heart

 

Let us know how you are today. Heart