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TW: being transgender makes me dysphoric

I'm really struggling tonight with being transgender, tomorrow I have to go back to school and I'm not ready. I can't afford a binder let alone get one without my parents knowing and the dysphoria is getting out of hand. 

I'm safe for now, but I'm barely coping

Dysphoria is such a pain and school makes it a million times worse, with the uniform I have to wear and not being out to anyone and still looking and sounding female, I don't know how I'm going to cope the next few years. 

I've talked to Qlife and we both agreed that given my situation, it's probably best to just wait until I'm 18 before coming out or changing my gender expression because it could put me in danger if I'm not careful. 

I don't really know what to do until I'm older, but it's hard to focus on studying, health or anything really when I'm so dysphoric about everything. it might sound weird, but just being trans makes me dysphoric, because cisgender males my age aren't transgender if that makes any sense. 

I feel super shitty about it all the time, but there's nothing I can do and sometimes it's all too much for me to handle. Again, just confirming that I am safe, just upset and frustrated.

Re: TW: being transgender makes me dysphoric

[R] Hey @not-an-otter. Another trans person here, but I’m a non-binary trans girl. Dysphoria really sucks. Are there any ways that have helped you reduce the dysphoria that you might be able to do to help?

Re: TW: being transgender makes me dysphoric

Thanks @SomeoneNADJS I do have ways to cope with dysphoria but not for when I'm in public or around other people. I dress fairly masculine generally but my school has a uniform and I have to wear the dress which is very uncomfortable and I also wear hats and bigger clothes to hide my hair and body shape but it really isn't going to work at school...

Re: TW: being transgender makes me dysphoric

[R] Have you ever found anything helps keep your mind off the dysphoria? I know it’s not an easy thing to just ignore, but are there any little things you like to do that could help you calm down a bit?

Re: TW: being transgender makes me dysphoric

That's a really good question actually, I haven't really thought about it but i guess there's lots of good distractions that would help like just having other things to think about

Re: TW: being transgender makes me dysphoric

[R] Hopefully you can find something that helps you. Smiley Happy

Re: TW: being transgender makes me dysphoric

@not-an-otter I'm sorry you have to wear a dress.. I hate when that happens. Smiley Frustrated

 

A few things on cheap and secret binding:

 

Okay, so there's a "sports bra". Basically it's designed as a binder, but marketed as a sports bra. 95% of the people who've reviewed it are trans men. The actual website just mentions "minimizing for a more comfortable you", which I don't think many cis people will pick up on.

It's a bit expensive, but you might be able to ask your parents to buy you this really good "sports bra".

https://www.underworks.com/extreme-magicotton-sports-and-binding-bra

 

Otherwise, normal sports bras from sports shops can offer a decent amount of compression. 

 

Some magical human has made a post on binding without your parents knowing:

https://transgenderadvicegroup.tumblr.com/post/170977743801/binding-without-your-parents-finding-out

 

And Minus 18 has an article on binding, including some cheap and inconspicuous ones:

https://www.minus18.org.au/index.php/resources/sexuality-info/item/441-how-to-bind-your-chest

 

 

I personally can't bind and breathe properly at the same time, probably thanks to my asthma and anxiety. It sucks...

I use layers when I can; on a cold day it's pretty normal for me to have three-five t-shirts on under my jacket. Slightly stretchy shirts can help with compression too.

 

Vertical lines are your friend. Horizontal lines can make your body look wider, which doesn't help when you don't want a super obvious chest of hips. Vertical lines have the opposite effect, and can really help hide your chest.

If your school uniform has a jacket, try wearing it unzipped or unbuttoned. This will create a vertical "stripe" of whatever you're wearing under the jacket, in pretty much the right place to hide your chest shape.

Re: TW: being transgender makes me dysphoric

Hey @not-an-otter 

 

Thank you for sharing your struggles with us Heart I'm happy that you got some of this off your chest. ReachOut is sending you lots of strength to deal with the challenges you're facing as a trans person, coming to terms with your identity in a school setting.

 

This is hard work and from what I can read you are doing so well at carrying yourself through this experience. It's great to hear you've got the support of QLife and that they are helping you to work through when the right time to come out is. 

 

I am hearing you when you say being trans makes you dysphoric - this is a sentiment expressed by many trans people. From what I have witnessed for trans loved ones, that feeling starts to fade when you feel a stronger sense of pride in the unique experience of being trans. This can be hard when you are at school and might not have a community of gender diverse people around you. Keep seeking out support and resources from LGBTIQA+ aligned services Heart

 

There's a beautiful article I read over the weekend called "Finding Joy and Power in Being a Trans Person" - it kind of touches on the journey of not only accepting your identity but being proud of it. If you want to give it a read see here, the blog is called "them" and there's lots of great articles on trans related stuff. 

 

Know that as a trans person you are part of a brave and beautiful community of survivors! Think about their strength when things are hard at school and know that we are here to listen to you whenever you need Heart  

 

 

Re: TW: being transgender makes me dysphoric

Thank you @Tiny_leaf for the awesome resources and tips for binding, I really appreciate it Heart

 

@Bre-RO Thank you for your kind words, really needed it tonight Heart

 

I know there's a whole community of people like me and it makes me feel really proud knowing that other people have had similar experiences to me and everything will turn out fine in the end, but then I start thinking and how there really is nothing I can do to change anything right now and I just have to wait but all the smaller moments in between just become so overwhelming like constantly being misgendered and not being myself basically so now I just feel really down and I don't know how I'm going to go the next few days it's going to be really tough

Re: TW: being transgender makes me dysphoric

@not-an-otter no problem, I hope they help. Smiley Happy

How are you going today?