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Re: TW desperately need help, running out of options

Wow. So I just looked at the website of a therapist who apparently works with gender diverse people.

Apparently when someone is autistic "his or her" social communication skills are impacted.

His or her.

Re: TW desperately need help, running out of options

Hi @Tiny_leaf,

 

I am hearing that last night was really challenging- adjusting to medication can take time and I can understand the frustration of trying to identify the changes Heart Your self awareness is really admirable, it sounds like you have been observing the feelings and experiences, and noting some of the important things to raise with your psychiatrist next time you see them. How have you been managing the additional energy and agitation at the moment? 

 

I am sorry to hear that the service you were looking into hasn't incorporated inclusive and diverse gender pronouns beyond "his or her". I can imagine this would have been disappointing to read given they are advertising support for gender diverse young people Heart 

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Re: TW desperately need help, running out of options

@Jess1-RO I can't take full credit for that - one thing that I do sometimes is online screening tests. Not to use as diagnostic tool, but just so that I can watch how my results change over time.

But also the random energy is a very noticeable change.

 

Well I would be pacing, but everything below my waist is in pain and it feels like the bones have been twisted into weird shapes. They haven't. But my brain has decided that they definitely have and that walking is unacceptable. 

So mostly just not sleeping enough and jumping between eight things at once.

I realize as I type this that it isn't strictly a coping strategy but it's the closest I've got.

Re: TW desperately need help, running out of options

yeah mum just told me that i was self centred and thought i was the most important person in the world and then decided that the correct way to apologise to her autistic, touch sensitive child whose dealing with various traumatic stuff was to come up behind me while I was curled up under a blanket, lean over me just enough that I could feel that there was someone leaning over me, and then press her hand onto my head in an apparently comforting gesture.

 

Like was she trying to fucking kill me?? Because that approach sounds more murder-y than comforting. (just to clarify though it was not literally an attempt to kill me my anxiety is just determined to perceive it that way)

 

Oh also apparently she didn't hear me yelling/ crying to stop it, get off me ect. 10+ times and didn't notice the whole panicked thrashing until I physically kicked her away from me.

Either that or she doesn't give a fuck.

 

Now she's upset that I didn't accept her apology. 

 

 

And now I'm not even sure if I'm a self centred asshole who doesn't deserve any medical help and makes everyone else miserable because that's certainly the message I'm getting.

And maybe it is right because I've spent this entire post just whining about me 

 

Might have to go to hospital again tonight. Assuming of course that if I do have to go it's not taken as me using up my parents' previous time.

 

I'm expected to look out for and support everyone else. I haven't even had the energy to brush my hair in about a month. No one will listen 

Re: TW desperately need help, running out of options

Morning @Tiny_leaf 

 

Just checking in with you to see how you are after what happened with your mum? It sounds like it was a distressing night. It must have been really overwhelming hearing that and being touched in a way that makes you feel unsafe. I just want to say that after reading so many of your supportive messages to other users here, it's very clear that you are far from self centred Heart 

 

Is there anything nice you can do to care for yourself today?  

 

 

Re: TW desperately need help, running out of options

@Bre-RO I'm still feeling pretty terrible...

I stayed up till like 4am last night, my brain feels like it's everywhere and nothing feels quiet real.

And just then the tv and printer both randomly and simultaneously turned on of their own accord so looks like I'll be spending this afternoon completely terrified and confused.

Re: TW desperately need help, running out of options

Oh okay they randomly turned off of their own accord leaving me with no evidence of wether or not i was hallucinating.

Kinda considering turning the power off at the safety switch so that there is no way they could come back on but then my parents would be upset....

 

Update: It's a weird power outage everything turned back on just long enough to freak me out before turning off again. 

Re: TW desperately need help, running out of options

Nup everything's on again don't like this going outside 

Re: TW desperately need help, running out of options

@Tiny_leaf  That sounds so crazy! Flickering lights and stuff freak me out as well.
Often when the electricity goes out in my house, it's because my grandma has accidentally blown something up and we have to go the box to fix it.
Once, she managed to short circuit not one, but two irons in one day. Smiley Indifferent

I'm sorry about the stuff with your mum. Smiley Sad I've experienced similar in my own family. I don't like anyone trying to touch me when I'm upset. I wish parents would know when to back off.

I also stayed up late last night filling out forms and submitting applications. It wasn't too bad because I kind of conked out earlier that day after I got back from volunteering though.

I hope you feel better soon. Heart

Re: TW desperately need help, running out of options

@WheresMySquishy it turns out that there was a scheduled power outage...

Ooohh.. two irons is pretty impressive.