TW: don’t read this, I just need to let everything out

[Bananatime04]

Sorry for making another thread but I just need to let everything out and I don’t want you’s to waste your time reading it because of all these things I am...

I am stupid 

I am useless 

I mean nothing 

I am not worth anything 

I hate my body

I’m fat 

I’m ugly

I’m an embarrassment 

I’m unloveable 

I’m hopeless 

I’m weak

I don’t have good qualities 

I don’t deserve anything 

I don’t deserve life 

I hate how I feel

I hate myself 

I hate my weight 

I hate how all I want to do is act on my thoughts but I can’t 

I hate how I don’t feel like I’m normal 

I hate waking up everyday and dealing with the same thing

I hate feeling alone

I hate feeling isolated 

I hate not knowing what to do

I am a waste of time

I am a waste of space

I hate everything about me

I am a failure 

I fail at everything 

I always feel guilty 

I’m always exhausted for no reason 

Happiness is impossible for me

I feel so empty 

I am a burden

sorry if someone ended up reading this

[gina-RO]

Hey @Bananatime04 , that's a lot of painful thoughts and feelings.

How do you feel after venting them here? 

You're doing amazingly seeking support, and talking about things in a way that is helpful for you. 

You deserve this badge (made by insta artist JanelleSilver): 

Thank for for starting a new thread, and for adding a TW to this - really appreciate you thinking about other people who might read it.

It's good to always remember that this forum receives a lot of views, and that your posts will always be read by a lot of other people - something to keep in mind when deciding whether or not to post something. 

If you feel like you just need a vent, but don't need or want anyone else to read it, or if it could be distressing for others to read- could you try writing it up on the forum, but not posting? It will stay in your drafts, un-posted. 

The other option is writing it in a diary, or on a note in your phone? 

[annabethxchase]

@Bananatime04, that's pretty heavy I want you to know every single thing on that list is wrong, you aren't a burden, a failure, a waste of space etc. I think it's very important to talk to someone about how your feeling face to face so you can get more immediate support. How do you feel about seeing a counsellor or psychologist? Thinking of you xx

[Bananatime04]

Sorry I can’t reply right now, I just got to training. I’ll reply after 7

[annabethxchase]

Ok all good @Bananatime04, take your time.

[Bananatime04]

It actually felt good to let it bust @gina-RO! I have been holding it in for so long. I still do believe all those things as they are told to me every day and it hurts but it’s true. @annabethxchase I am still waiting for school to go back so I can talk to the psychologist and I’m hoping she will help me find some support outside of school if she thinks I need it.

[mrmusic]

Hey @Bananatime04, I'm glad to hear that you feel better after journalling this out. I'm sorry that people are saying those comments to you, and I can hear how hard that is to deal with. I think that seeing the school psychologist is a great idea, and it looks like you have some support in the meantime with KHL, beyondblue and eheadspace.

Have you spoken to any of your other supports about some of this heavy stuff?

[Bananatime04]

I’m about to! I just got transferred to my counsellor from khl so she’ll be with me in 20. I’m feeling a lot better mentally but physically not so much

[mrmusic]

@Bananatime04 Well done for reaching out to KHL! Please let us know how it goes.

[annabethxchase]

Glad to hear your going to chat with your KHL counsellor, I love Gina's idea of doing a draft but not posting as well as journal ling How do you feel about giving that a go @Bananatime04?