TW self harm

[redhead]

With everything that's happened over the last month I'm seriously considering going back to self harming. Apart from suicide attempts I've only sh once in 15 months but i want it back. 

I know if I go back to needing medical attention regularly again they'll most likely take testosterone off me but I'm at the point where I I just can't cope anymore and that really scares me because testosterone is the only reason I have hope for the future. 

I went and bought the means the other day after spending Christmas evening in emergency. Yeh pathetic I know. 

I don't know what to do. 

[Taylor-RO]

Hey @redhead, sent you an email

[redhead]

Argh I really want to sh right now.

[Lan-RO]

Hi @redhead I'm sorry to hear you are feeling this way. Are you able to keep safe? Can you contact SCBS or Lifeline for support? 

[redhead]

@Lan-RO I spoke to lifeline, im safe for now. I'm going to play my xb for a bit 

[Lan-RO]

@redheadthanks for confirming you're safe and well done on contacting Lifeline  Enjoy your xb 

[redhead]

Fml. I hate my stupid med side effects, I can't even go for a walk. I really need to sh but I don't want to do it home so it gives them another reason to kick me out. Fuck.

[Taylor-RO]

That sucks and is super frustrating @redhead! Is there something else that you can do at home instead? Do you think it might be worth having a chat to your manager or calling Lifeline or SCBS? You have done so well today and last night especially by contacting these services for support

[redhead]

I don't want to bother the services again, I've already called them.
I'm currently trying to distract myself with the hurricanes, we're winning so it's helping a bit.

[redhead]

after the canes win I'm going to self harm. and my phone has randomly stopped working so i guess thats it for helplines.