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TW: struggling to move on from the past

I know I haven't been on for a while. I have a tendency of unintentionally isolating myself. I find it hard to reach out when I often feel so disconnected from everyone. I sometimes feel so disconnected from myself, like I'm not real and I'm just a ghost. 

 

I'm just tired. I'm tired of feeling hurt, angry, ashamed, alone and lost. I'm trying to keep it altogether so people don't see how much I'm hurting. I want to be able to do this on my own. But I'm afraid I'm not strong enough. I'm afraid I'm too vulnerable. I feel as though when I talk about it nobody really hears me either. I don't feel like talking about it. I don't know if anyone really wants to talk about it. 

 

I suppose I could talk to my psychiatrist about it during my next appointment next month. But I don't think I could tell him what happened because it feels too raw even though it happened a long time ago. I can only tell him it's about a stressful event. And explore how I feel about it. 

Re: TW: struggling to move on from the past

Hey @Beautifullybroken, thank you for creating this thread <3. I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling, I can hear the pain in your post Smiley Sad. I find it hard also to reach out to others when I feel disconnected from not only everyone else, but myself too. I was wondering how you're looking after yourself this weekend? We're here for you <3
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Hope is just around the corner; you think it's not there when you first look straight ahead, but it actually is when you turn around

Re: TW: struggling to move on from the past

@Esperanza97 <3. I haven't really been up to much this weekend. Feeling really exhausted and drained. My head also feels heavy. I'm finding it hard to be productive. It's hard to concentrate when I've been getting frequent migraines and been feeling anxious. Then again, I only have one exam left for this semester, and I have more than a month to study for it.

Just doing to the normal routine things. Like listening to reading, music, praying, watching tv etc. Though I probably should find something less intensive to focus on now. Maybe I'll try to find something psych related to listen to while I lie in bed so I don't feel guilty about being unproductive.

Re: TW: struggling to move on from the past

Hey @Beautifullybroken! What did you end up listening to in bed?

I find meditations to be helpful in the evenings and podcasts to be more useful during the day, but lots of people are different Smiley Happy

Wishing you the best of luck for your final exam for the semester! 

// Spiral outward, keep going. //
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Re: TW: struggling to move on from the past

@letitgo instead of doing my uni readings I listened to them read out loud on my computer.

I've been trying to focus on self-care. It's still hard. I feel like my heart hurts. I'm trying to be more compassionate towards myself. Though it is hard. I'm finding it hard to forgive myself. I still feel ashamed, even though I know it is not my fault. I just feel like a small fragile piece of nothing. I know we only have so much control. But I feel like I ought to have prevented it, even though I had no control. You can't control what others do. I guess my weakness is I feel so much shame.