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Re: TW the past is still hurting me so much

@not-an-otter that does make sense, but what happens for me when I do that means I end up repressing them instead....

I spent about a year without feeling anything at all and had to stop doing that and just feel them..

Re: TW the past is still hurting me so much

@Tiny_leaf   I have been taking it with food but it's one of those tablets that has a lingering aftertaste and you just keep tasting it for ages afterwards. It kind of tastes like I'm eating bitter toothpaste.

Flashbacks can be so distressing. Smiley Sad I used to practice breathing from my stomach to calm myself down after having them.

Re: TW the past is still hurting me so much

@WheresMySquishy eww... that does not sound fun at all...

Re: TW the past is still hurting me so much

ah I see..
that's completely ok and I do understand that odd numbing sensation when there's repressed emotions so if feeling them helps you right now then go for it, but I am also thinking that in the long term it might be beneficial to try and replace them with some more positive emotions

Re: TW the past is still hurting me so much

Gotta go to dinner now, I'll be back in a bit though.

Re: TW the past is still hurting me so much

@not-an-otter it's always a difficult balance for me unfortunately.....

I usually do try to replace them with positive emotions like you suggested, but sometimes that doesn't work and I have to kind of... ride them out I guess. 

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Re: TW the past is still hurting me so much

Also to... whoever it was who posted earlier; thank you for trying to help, but please take some time to read the thread so you understand the actual issue more next time.

I do not at all long to go back to how things were, because how they were was genuinely and painfully traumatic. 

Due to the fact my past can be so hard to deal with, my brain automatically tries to forget, but all that it results in is repressed memories that later resurface at unexpected times.

I really wish it were as simple as taking an online course, forgetting and then moving on, and if the memories were more pleasant then perhaps it would be.

But trauma, especially trauma that was ongoing, leaves a much deeper mark. 

Re: TW the past is still hurting me so much

@Tiny_leaf it can be very tricky to balance all your emotions but I am wondering if there is a way for you to alter the way you perceive these past events? (especially with CM and the health professionals)

For example; if you feel comfortable doing so, think back to the first time you met the health professionals, did you notice any warning signs immediately? What didn't you like about their behaviour? If you can identify what you did and didn't like or feel comfortable with, you could try and find a different health professional who doesn't display any of these warning signs and doesn't make you feel uncomfortable or give you flashbacks.

Re: TW the past is still hurting me so much

@Tiny_leaf  I saw that post. I thought it could have been spam. I thought it sounded like they were trying to promote themselves or their work. It was pretty unsolicited and didn't take your feelings into account. Smiley Sad

Re: TW the past is still hurting me so much

@Tiny_leaf Hey! Sorry about having to read that, it was a spam post that unfortunately slipped through. I don't think the person was actually trying to help, but rather use their response to your thread as a cover for promoting their own website.