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Re: TW the past is still hurting me so much

Hey @Tiny_leaf, they are really painful emotions you are feeling right now. I am sorry that you feel neglected and pushed aside. These feelings are not easy to hold within yourself. Is this something you have been able to talk to your Mum about? How about anyone else in your family? I recognise how difficult this may be... although it might help to hear her perspective. Most importantly, it might be valuable for her to hear your perspective too. I can relate in some ways, I always used to think my Mum was angry too. When I grew up, I learned that she was often battling her own issues and it was nothing to do with me. It is still not fair nor kind to face a cold shoulder from your parent, regardless of what they may be going through themselves. I often try to remember that the way other people behave is mostly about themselves rather than other people. It is not your fault that you experience these issues and need extra support sometimes Heart You are very considerate, thoughtful and selfless. I know from this that you are doing your very best. You deserve support when you need it too and I am glad that your Dad is there for you.

Re: TW the past is still hurting me so much

She's been getting into arguments with everyone, then gets angry that people seem to be unhappy with her.

 

It was easy to feel cared for when I was healthy and at the top of my year group and functioning (or later on pretending to function) without needing so many appointments. It was easy to feel cared for when I still fit the idea of what she wanted me to be and then everything just fell apart.

And at first she hoped that I'd just get better but it I think she's starting to realize that I'll probably be ill in some way for most of my life and that I'll always be disabled.

I genuinely think she's given up on me now that I can't be whatever she hoped I'd be.  but it's not my fault

Re: TW the past is still hurting me so much

Hey @Tiny_leaf, that sounds like a pretty tense environment to be within. Does everyone in your family feel the same way about your Mum? It must be heart breaking to feel like she is treating you differently now that you aren't healthy. Have you found any helpful supports to get you through this? It must be so exhausting to deal with this all the time. You don't have to do this by yourself. As I mentioned before, you deserve support. Just know that it is definitely not your fault Heart We are always here to listen.

Re: TW the past is still hurting me so much

@Taylor-RO I really don't know..

And I have a really good friend irl but for some reason I can't get myself to ask her  for help...

Re: TW the past is still hurting me so much

Hey @Tiny_leaf,

That's great that you have such a good friend. Maybe you can try to open up to her, it's likely that she will want to support you but she can't know if you don't tell her. Also, just telling someone close to us can really help because we feel less alone with it. We are here for you, but irl friends and supports are important too. Could you give it a try?

Re: TW the past is still hurting me so much

@TOM-RO I was able to ask for a little bit of help today.

Her anxiety's acting up though, and I want to be really careful not to overload her.

If too much is going on her anxiety will sometimes spiral, and then we'll just both be miserable...

 

I'm not even sure I'm worth all that effort anyway, since it probably won't solve anything.

I'm not sure anyone else actually understands, no matter how much I try to explain. Very little seems to genuinely help.

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Re: TW the past is still hurting me so much

@Tiny_leaf it can be really hard when the people around us are also experiencing their own issues Smiley Sad

Sometimes it's not about solving the problem, but just about making the problem a little less difficult - like the saying goes, "a problem shared is a problem halved"
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No human being, however great or powerful, was ever so free as a fish

Re: TW the past is still hurting me so much

@lokifish I know, but it just never seems to work for me...

I can only think of one problem where being able to talk about it might help, but it's too triggering even for mentally healthy people to talk about.

Re: TW the past is still hurting me so much

Hi @Tiny_leaf, what do you think would work instead? It sucks to hear that you think this is a really tough issue to talk about Smiley Sad Has someone told you that the topic you wish to talk about is too triggering? Sometimes we might project our own thoughts onto others. We can't decide what is too much for others unless they have told us specifically themselves.. and as you briefly mentioned, that may be more about what they have going on rather than the topic itself. That is okay, sometimes there is a time, place and headspace for particular topics Smiley Happy I wish we had telepathy sometimes.. but we don't yet and so there is nothing wrong with asking someone if they are free to talk about a particular topic... or to help you with something. This way they can choose whether to have the conversation and therefore the responsibility lays on their side of the fence Heart

Re: TW the past is still hurting me so much

@Taylor-RO yeah I've been told it's too triggering.

No one expects my flashbacks to be.. what they are. People look horrified when I tell them. And that's when I don't go into detail.