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Re: TW the past is still hurting me so much

Too much is going on. This morning's been absolute shit.

Mum's been saying I am completely unable to understand other's points of view. I thought I wasn't bad at it but now I'm not sure. I'm not sure I understand anything I thought I knew. What if I've been wrong about myself for this entire time?

 

She yelled at me for not explaining how I felt enough or in the words she wanted me to use. She called me ungrateful and said I was full of crap. Partway home she parked the car and told me to get out and walk, before driving off.

I followed a random firebreak into the bush and just cried. All of a sudden there were heaps of texts and phone calls saying she didn't mean any of it, or that she meant it but not like that, or that I just couldn't think like a normal person so I had to explain everything. My legs ache. I was meant to be resting today so I had the strength to volunteer tomorrow. Tomorrow's going to be so painful but I have to go, I can't cope with missing it again.

I don't understand why I have to be in so much pain.

 

I just.... I don't know what to think or feel. Or how to explain it to someone who doesn't even understand the word "no". Who won't understand it.

I don't trust her but she's making me feel guilty and ungrateful for not trusting her.

Everything hurts. I'm in so much pain. I want to run away but I can't. There's nowhere I can go anyway.

 

It... feels like it is wrong to treat your child like this. But maybe if I'm as shit as mum seems to think I am then maybe I deserve it. I don't want to deserve it.

Re: TW the past is still hurting me so much

@Tiny_leafsorry to hear you're in a lot of pain. Sometimes people lash it, sometimes it about them instead of you. I don't think you're ungrateful, I think you're an amazing RO member. I don't think you deserve to be treated that way.

 

How are you feeling now?

Re: TW the past is still hurting me so much

Hi @Tiny_leaf 

I'm sorry to hear about what happened the other night and about how tough things are at the moment. That night sounded like it was truly frustrating. I agree with what @Beautifullybroken  said about you being an amazing RO member. You have demonstrated just how much care, empathy and understanding you have towards others through your ongoing support to fellow users. @Beautifullybroken put it perfectly. People do sometimes lash out in the heat o the moment and say things they don't really mean. It is  often more a reflection of how they are feeling than you.. Unfortunately our parents can also have problems and bad days too and that can be so hard to deal with when they take it out on us, especially when we are suffering enough already. 
Do you have any pain management strategies you can use today or do you just need to rest as much as you can?

Hope you are doing okay today. 

Re: TW the past is still hurting me so much

@Beautifullybroken @TOM-RO thank you.

And I'm just tired at this point, but I did get to do my volunteering, it just hurt a little more than usual. I think I'll just have to rest...

Re: TW the past is still hurting me so much

Hi @Tiny_leaf,

Just catching up on the weekend and wanted to see how you are going today? Sounds like it has been tough both physically and emotionally- we are here if you need to chat Heart Thinking of you today!
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Re: TW the past is still hurting me so much

Hi @Tiny_leaf! I'm sorry you had such a bad weekend and about what happened with your mum. It makes me sad to hear that you're in so much physical and emotional pain. Smiley Sad

I agree with @Beautifullybroken! You're such an awesome member! I feel so much better after talking to you on here. Your support and understanding means so much to me and a lot of other members. Heart

I hope you're feeling better today. Heart

Re: TW the past is still hurting me so much

@Jess1-RO it really has...

Today was alright though, I got to talk to a few of my professional support humans (an OT, a support worker and a support coordinator).

They're all really nice, and I like them.

Plus I got to have a discussion about t-rexes with one of them, which was fun (yeah.. I'm a bit of a nerd). They apparently walked a bit like this:

Related image

Re: TW the past is still hurting me so much

Thank you @WheresMySquishy Smiley Happy

I'm feeling a bit better today. How've you been?

Re: TW the past is still hurting me so much

@Tiny_leaf  I'm so glad you're feeling better! Heart I have been feeling a bit better after having some side effects from the antibiotics my ophthalmologist put me on last week. Yesterday, I played a game called Codenames with my family! It was so much fun.

T-rexes are awesome! I have a container of stretchy, sticky dinosaurs and lizards somewhere. I used to love them as a kid! They're a great stress reliever.

Re: TW the past is still hurting me so much

@WheresMySquishy side effects suck.. I'm on some steroids for a chest infection, they are not enjoyable... I'm glad you're feeling better though!!!

Those things are so much fun!!! I have a frog one somewhere which I loved, I need to find it...