TW- what’s holding me back from suicide?

[Tiny_leaf]

@Bananatime04 yeah, I've had that feeling a lot..

Did you want to talk about it for a bit? 

[Bananatime04]

Yes please! I’ve been trying to talk to a friend and it ended up being a good distraction but they didn’t understand my problem so we avoided it

[Tiny_leaf]

@Bananatime04 was there a specific trigger for the feeling at all?

I know that I'd get the feeling a lot when voices were happening...

Though one way I responded to them was to ask what actually makes a person useful?

Who am I meant to be useful to, and why am I meant to be used?

Because being called useless made me feel like I failed, but then I started wondering what is was I was failing at (other than spelling... I'm definitely not good at spelling)

[Bananatime04]

Yea I have had voices all day and they’re asking me questions like that and answering them for me and it’s making me really sad

[Tiny_leaf]

@Bananatime04 that sucks... are they doing anything at the moment? 

[Bananatime04]

Yes.. I literally can’t stop them
They’re so loud

[Tiny_leaf]

You don't have to stop them or control them, you just need to get through this. They'll go away at some point.

One thing that kinda worked for me was to have boring conversations, like:

"You're a ****!!"

"Right.. anyway, do you know how to solve this maths problem?"

"You can't even figure it ou-"

"I think I'd carry the three, than multiply those together..."

"Listen to me now-"

"Ooooooh, I'd divide that first, of course! Thanks for the help!"

Idk, it just seems to confuse/ annoy them into shutting up. 

[Bananatime04]

I’m sorry for leaving.. I couldn’t concentrate with them

[Tiny_leaf]

It's okay; how're you doing?

[Bananatime04]

@Tiny_leaf I feel like they’re controlling me 😭 like I couldn’t even post because of it and I just couldn’t stop crying and it’s so hard