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Re: TW- what’s holding me back from suicide?

@Tiny_leaf I don’t think I do believe in hell either but.. I kinda want to because then there’s at least something more than just life. Does that even make sense? I’m not sure how to word it sorry!
I go into that waiting to die headspace a lot.. well I have been lately. I just want it to be over. It will happen one day so why not get it over and done with? But I can’t kill myself because beliefs aren’t facts and no matter what I believe in there is no proof it’s true so it’s pretty risky in my opinion! You probs don’t think that but it’s how I’m thinking.
I will try think like about each day being a victory when I feel suicidal from now on and will take each day at a time until I have no more days.
I’m not really sure if I can think like the decades to live but tho.. because I could die tomorrow for all we know! Sorry
That’s a really interesting way to put it when you mentioned the bird and the wings! I feel that way a lot!

Re: TW- what’s holding me back from suicide?

You don’t have to type them if it’s gonna be a problem @Tiny_leaf! Don’t worry about it Smiley Happy I’m fine right now so I don’t need them yet

Re: TW- what’s holding me back from suicide?

@Bananatime04 I know a lot of those feelings, though I stopped believing in hell a while before I became suicidal, so they were two separate experiences for me.

I mostly stayed alive for my friend, I really didn't want to hurt her. 

Still, after a while you make it to the top of the "hill", and it gets so much easier from there. 

 

And yeah, if we get a Jurrasic park situation or a piano falls or something then probably not decades.. I was going more off basic probabilities.

Re: TW- what’s holding me back from suicide?

I really appreciate you sharing your experiences with me @Tiny_leaf Smiley Happy it really makes me happy to see that someone else is struggling too and knowing more about it just makes me feel like I’m not alone. Thanks x you always seem to do that

Re: TW- what’s holding me back from suicide?

@Maddy-RO how are you today?

Re: TW- what’s holding me back from suicide?

@Bananatime04 

 

One of my thought trails was:

So, what if there is no meaning? 

I guess that means I'm just.. a random blob of atoms that can think.

I mean, it's pretty cool to think that atoms can make blobs and start thinking. (followed by a huge nerdy rant by me that I won't include; but it involved jellyfish I think)

What's the worst case scenario if there is no meaning?

I still think and feel, I still like being happy, I still love cats. Why does it have to have a meaning behind that?

 

And is it actually a bad thing if there's no set meaning?

That means I can choose my own. I have a life that I can put towards whatever I want to.

I could spend it trying to pat as many animals as possible, or use it to help others, or anything I want really. But I have it now, so I may as well make the most of it.

 

Finally, it's okay if something doesn't have an inherent meaning.

The words that you're reading right now are just a collection of lines and shapes appearing on a screen.

The only meaning they have is the one we give to them. That doesn't make them pointless. Without these weird squiggles, none of us would be online talking to each other. They help us communicate, and talk about cats and get really valuable support.

The meaning that you give to something is no less important than the meaning it already has.

 

Anyway, hopefully some of this makes sense... 

Re: TW- what’s holding me back from suicide?

Thank you @Bananatime04, reading that made me smile. Smiley Happy

Re: TW- what’s holding me back from suicide?

Wow thanks for sharing that.. it feels different to hear how someone else thinks! I don’t really think like that, my head goes all over the place thinking about too many things at once!
And I guess it is pretty cool to have these weird squiggles cause I love using them to talk to you!
Thank you so much for that xx
I think I’m gonna go to bed now tho, I have naplan tomorrow! Ugh last one!
Goodnight xx

Re: TW- what’s holding me back from suicide?

That was the simplified version.. the full version involved jellyfish, eye anatomy and I think Minecraft..? But would've needed an essay and like 200 footnotes so I had to shorten it a bit....

 

And you're welcome. Smiley Happy Talking to you definitely does make the squiggles extra cool.

 

NAPLAN sucks... I'm not really sure why it's there, it really doesn't affect much after you're through it..

Good night, and good luck!!

 

Re: TW- what’s holding me back from suicide?

Hey @Bananatime04 

 

I'm okay thank you, actually recovering from being unwell, so sipping on lots of hot tea and OJ Smiley Happy

 

I'm happy to see you ended up posting this thread. That was very brave of you and you have received lots of great support. It is so lovely to see all of you supporting each other. I mean that honestly. Heart

 

It's great that you're feeling better. I'll tell Shakira when I get home - she'll be happy to hear you're well Cat Wink

 

Sleep well Heart