The Brother from Hell
Hello all.
Following a suggestion from @Ben-RO, I am writing a post about my brother because I need to share my feelings with people who are outsiders to the family because my parents just don't get it. This is actually turning out to be harder than I thought. To make this easier for me, I'm going to put these into groups. And make it all pretty because prettiness 
Bullying
My brother is an ass. He is always rude to me and swearing his head off and everyone and thinks it is funny to be mean to me. And when I say he thinks it's funny, I mean he laughs. He literally laughs at the fact that he has hurt me. Example- the other day I was watching stuff on the computer, headphones and all, and he claps loudly (those booming claps you do with your hands) which pisses me off because 1: it was unnecessary and 2: I hate loud, unexpected noises. No, I was not pissed because it scared me, it didn't. I was pissed because of the above reasons and 3: my brother is an ass, which already pisses me off. I yelled at him, slammed a door at him, and told him that it hurt. He thinks it's funny. FUNNY!!! And LAUGHS! Doesn't give three shits about the feelings of other people except himself. I'm done with his ass hole attitude.
Rudeness
May or may not be related to the first but this one extends to my parents. My brother is so rude to our parents, so inconceivably rude to them. His rudeness is given no reason. I mean, I'm rude to my dad when he is being a butt to me, but my brother is rude to my parents when they have done nothing to warrant his attitude. My mum cares about my brother so much, and he is still an ass hole to her. I don't care if he "cares inside" because he has been too rude for too long and his "caring inside" if it even exsists, needs to be on the outside too.
Laziness
He is lazy. I feel myself wanting to use the word asshole more and more frequently, so I'm sorry about that. We have chores in our family. That's not unreasonable. When he is asked to do said chores that he's always had to do he just doesn't do them until HOURS later. Literal hours later. He does not do as he's told and then treats it like a game. He never does the full task either, just half-asses it.
A second part to his laziness is all he does it plays his pixelated online games with his friends over the interwebs! He doesn't care about anything else he has to do if he's playing a game, which go on for hours at a time. He doesn't go to bed when he's supposed to, doesn't give any damns to other people and things they might need to do or him to do if it interrupts a precious game.
Sexist
My brother is a sexist screen hugger. He "doesn't get" my not-girl gender and thinks it's silly. Girls and girls and boys and boys he says (or said, I can't remember word for word). I was discussing my disgust in the size of pockets in women's clothing and my brother flippantly said how they have small pockets for handbags and I said that they wouldn't need hangbags if the pockets were bigger and it's basically that women are supposed to have hand bags and I am just so done at his ignorance. He is an ignorant piece of horse manure who deserves none of the stuff that he has. He doesn't respect other people and their opinions.
To add to this, he calls me a nazi whenever I speak in german and I am so offended by that. I am so, so offended by that. I told him just earlier (since this did just happen earlier, but it was not the first time) that it is not funny to say things like that and he told me he didn't think it was funny. No? You don't? Then what is your godddamn motivation and reasoning for calling me a nazi for speaking german???? No you ignorant piece of rat droppings, you don't say things like that.
I can't completely express how much my brother annoys me. It's more than just annoyance, it's disappointment too. To sum up the points above into three short sentences:
- That he finds it funny when he hurts my feelings
- His absurd amount of laziness, it's absolutely ridiculous
- The fact that he is an ignorant weed
Thank you for reading this.
EDIT: The title was bothering me, I had to add capitals to the other letters 😛
Comments
Yes, the problem isn't him exactly. I guess, the thing with my parents is what can they do? I have said that it bothers me (granted, it was while I was in varying levels of distress) but he has had so many "talks" about his behaviour, why will this make a difference? I'll just get disappointed again and again.
It sounds like living with your brother can be a nightmare! I was just wondering how things have been going with you and your brother? What insights did you take out of the GR session?
What was it he said? He said (to mum) that he doesn't like reading things out loud. Do you know what I don't like? Loud noises. Overlapping voices. Does he care? NO!!!! But then he expects everything to go his way and I am fucking done. That's how done I am, I'm swearing. Because three pods I don't care if I am him sad or make him cry because... Dammit he just doesn't care about other people and here I am getting upset over him. I HATE him.
Eeep @N1ghtW1ng sorry things are so dang stressful at the moment. And also that i haven't had a chance to follow up on this thread just yet!
You know what you want to change. However it's hard to ask someone to stop doing something, it's much better to find a thing that has to be done and ask them to do that instead. For example; would it help if you got like an hour of quiet time when you got home and an hour before it's time to sleep so that you at least know there's a bit of time where you can chill out? Could you write a version of what you have written to us for your parents to read, and then ask for that quiet time at the end?
I don't want to write anything to my parents. It wouldn't work.
Have you ever tried @N1ghtW1ng? How hard would it be to have a go?
There's got to be a way to get them to back you up in a way that works for you, lets find it!
In some senses this problem isn't about him, if he was acting like this and on the other side of the planet to you it wouldn't bug you. Was he pissing you off this much when you were overseas?
So while you can try and help him to be less of an annoying jerk, what you're telling your parents about is the impact of this on you, and what you need to feel safe and happy rather than very upset and sad. That's what you're trying to get your parents to understand by writing something out that shows how serious this is getting for you and what you need to feel okay again.
The three things between our relationship would be:
1. His bullying and enjoyment of my pain. (That sounds really harsh, but if you check the Bullying section, it'll make more sense)
2. Him to be less ignorant and sexist. I can't be 100% sure whether he's being serious or a butt but still, I'd like his sexist attitude to change.
3. I would like him to be less lazy, that does relate more to my parents and our rather than just ours.
I got it down to two Ben :P. Less sexism and nicer attitude.
@N1ghtW1ng here's the tricky part. What can we DO to start changing things? Who are some allies you can get on your side to help you make it clear that certain things are 100% not okay? How can you explain to your brother and your family that while some stuff might just be a bit of sibling rivalry, your bro is actually crossing the line sometimes?
The problem is, mum tells him when he's crossed the line and has a talk, tells him not to but he still does it.
Nothing works. He just doesn't stop.
Whoa, that's a big post.
Do you feel a bit better after getting all that out in the open @N1ghtW1ng?
I want you to pick three things that are really important to you to change about your relationship with your brother (other than everything). Because we've got to start somewhere!
