I have a history of depression and anxiety, although the anxiety never really left it just decresed to a managable level.
But recently i am loosing my mind. I can not longer fight the man inside the box shaking screaming and yelling at me to let him out. I know he isn't friendly and isn't nice but I feel i can no longer keep him at bay anymore.
I do not know how to explain what is in my head to anybody correctly because something else always seems to take over, no mater how hard i try fight. It seems that i will only show what i want people to see or what i think i want them to see. I hate dissapointing people.
Yet i continue to do just that. Sometimes i have really bad memory loos and have no clue of the things i could have just done or said.
I am sad a scared. I dont want all this to leade back to the dark place i have been before when i got hospitalized a few years back, but i dont know where to begin or what to say or what to do
Sorry if this isnt the right spot to post of say any of this i just have no where else to go anymore.
My partner has had enough of me i can tell he is gettin so frustrated with me..............
Re: The begining
You've come to the right spot, thanks for sharing with us!
I think by posting you have already taken the first step to improving as you have expressed what you are feeling to others!
If you find that you are unable to express how you feel to those around you there are also many other alternatives. One way is through talking to a school councillor or a doctor who is not your family doctor which will allow you to express how you are feeling and your symptoms without having to worry about the feeling of disappointing someone. Another way to go about it is to speak to kids helpline on 1800 55 1800 such that you are able to keep your anonymity while receiving help and advice.
I hope that helps
Re: The begining
Whenever you need to vent do it on here cause someone's always listening. Oh and welcome to the RO family ! Ta dah !
You could try a really good friend. They may not be like a professional or anything, or they may be, but neverthelss a listening ear is always a helpful one I reckon.
Like michine said Kids Helpline is great to way to express yourself ! I've always imagined it might be something like hi my name is ... just wanted to talk about ... Anyways I hear the people are really helpful. Just dive in and have a go.
See you round on the forums.
Re: The begining
Thanks so much for reaching out to us here. Just by doing that you're already working towards getting a handle on this.
First and foremost, the best thing to do is to get working on fixing this as soon as possible to prevent it getting any worse.
In addition to contacting a counsellor by either phone or in person, as advised by the others here, get in touch with your GP (or the specialist you dealt with during your previous experience) and start on some therapies to get you heading back in the right direction.
Is there something else going on in your life that's causing you a lot of stress or giving you cause for worry? Prolonged stress or anxiety - or even just a lot of it in a short period of time - can be enough to make things very difficult.
Remember to get plenty of sleep and relaxation and avoid stress wherever possible.
If you notice particular thoughts, topic, people, places or memories are making you feel worse, think about ways you can avoid them if possible. Also try to identify those thoughts, people, memories that make you feel better and focus on them when the going gets tough.
You mentioned the man inside the box, screaming and yelling at you. We have a story here that might help you to better understand your own experiences. He talks about his own voices and how they made it more difficult for him.
Don't be afraid to tell someone you love; especially your boyfriend. It may be difficult for them to understand but they love you and care about you and will do what they can to help.
If you want to share more of your experience, we'd be keen to hear it and talk about it with you as well. Let us know how you are doing.
Re: The begining
Thank so much for your reply!
I have tried to comunicate with other but i still cant get it out somehow. I try my best and i guess i get a bit better each time.
I acually have/ do talk to a lady on KHL and she has asked me to contact her today or sometimes this week when she is working. I will see how it goes i guess.
Thank you so much for taking the time out to respond to me!
Re: The begining
Im so overwhelmed at the respones, i really wasnt expecting this! So thank you so much!
I dont have many friend acually i have one friend, and i will not share with her its not that kind of friendship.
I have spoken to KHL before and there is a lady i speak to, they are acually very nice and it can help! She wants me to call her today or this week when she is on but i will see how i feel because today so far hasnt been so bad.
Thanks for the warm welcome.
(sorry didnt realise that when i hit reply to each it went down the bottom)
So as for that story i had a quick look on my phone, and will have another look now. But it seemed to ring quiet true to me. Although i know others can not hear whats going on. So its not like im 'hearing' things.
As for other stresses there are plently about to happen and im trying my best to deal with them all. But its hard. The massive thing is my partners daughter will be living with us as on tueday next week!
As for how i am feeling. Today its still around, he is not so loud or strong today. I am still extreamly tense and adgitated. I am still unsettled but its not as bad as yesterday today i am atleast doing things and out of my bed.
My partner because frightened last night beause of my mood, but hopefuly i talked him out of worrying.
He also mention that when his daughter is here he and her will live somewere and i can stay here becuase im gettin so stressed out. But i feel thats backwards in our relationship and ill loose him if we do that.
Anyways all in all i tried to speak to my doctor on monday but i shut myself down like i tend to do.
Im still scared of myself but its not as strong today lets just hope i can keep it this way for the next few days.
Thank you all so much for you kind words and support right now it means a lot!
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