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The consequences of being in the grey area

There i was happily in new found friendship with a girl, everything was going perfect, then came along a girl for whom i fell, i never had the courage to say to my friend that look i want to date the other person, and hence i entered an area where i cheated, lied, got hurt myself, hurt others, and felt miserable started questioning myself ,whether i am a toxic person?

I did not want to hurt my friend and i kept my friendship ahead of my relation, little did i know that my friend had fallen for me by the end of it. And add to that the love of my life found someone else. And there i was left wondering in the hope of making someone happy, i indulged in prosocial lying i believe, i.e. you lie to keep the other person happy.

 

The guilt inside is eating me up, have gone off from all social networks, and instant messaging apps, shunning the world Smiley Happy

Re: The consequences of being in the grey area

Welcome to RO @guilty5691 and thank you for sharing your experience. Guilt is a really difficult experience to navigate as it normally symbolises a disconnect between are values and actions. I think perhaps try to look at this experience as a valuable lesson and see how you can grow from it? Heart

 

I'll tag a few more online members for you @DruidChild @mrmusic @Tdozer @Nightruner23

Re: The consequences of being in the grey area


@guilty5691 ypu are not toxic people make mistakes it's normal. How did you cheated, lied, got hurt myself and hurt others if you dont mind me asking so i can help you out ☺

 

Re: The consequences of being in the grey area

Thanks for the tag @Erin-RO Smiley Happy 

 

Hey @guilty5691, thanks for reaching out on here! Guilt is a really tough emotion to deal with and relationship difficulties can be very complex and hard to navigate, I feel for you. 

 

It doesn't sound like you're a toxic person at all; I can see that you care about your friends a lot. How would you feel about talking to the other people involved about what has occurred? 

 

Re: The consequences of being in the grey area

I cheated by not being honest to the person i loved, i was opaque about a lot of things in hindsight from little details to larger ones. I hurt the person who fell for me by not saying a no to her. Where i had told that i was in only for a friendship not a relation. Appreciate your effort on this
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Re: The consequences of being in the grey area

I am trying and reaching out but the lost love hurts, and the guilt of screwing up and lying and the grey area eats you up in an unprecedented manner

Re: The consequences of being in the grey area

Trying my best with all the residual energy that remains in me Smiley Happy

Re: The consequences of being in the grey area


@guilty5691 is there anyway ypu can make it up ti her or is she done with ypu? 

Re: The consequences of being in the grey area

Hi @guilty5691 the emotions you're feeling sound really difficult to deal with, but thank you for reaching out here and sharing, that was very brave <3 

 

Guilt is definitely an emotion that really does eat one up, you've described it really well. @Nightruner23 has a good option in that to lessen some of that guilt, have you tried to talk to your friend at all?

And I completely understand, losing love is one of the hardest things to deal with, and I'm sorry you're going through that Smiley Sad

Although time is honestly what heals, do you have any self-care strategies in place at the moment for when you feel upset from this situation?

Re: The consequences of being in the grey area


@sweet_baking i hsve been talking to friends snd yes i have self care i go for a walk things to help me come down and talking and being open to talk rhe community and get help when i need it Smiley Happy